Again :(

BKM.,

It's just normal digestion...perhaps some anxiety.

I get so many random gurgles/pains, ect. that are gut related that I never used to...

Ah, the joys of getting older and stress!

So...are you going to be moving into your grandmothers house?

S.C.

That's funny Larry!

Yeah I'm moving into grams house. We're getting divorced. He really ticked me off tonight and I ended up leaving and going back to cleaning.

First off. Now that we're going to split I need a way to support me and the kids. The only thing I know how to do is take care of a house and the only jobs I ever had was hairstylist at random shops. You only get paid by the haircut/service. And it isn't the full amount. Depends on the shop 60/40, 55/45 or 50/50. My typical paycheck after taxes was close to 400 at 2 weeks. That's would make groceries for the month but no bills. I can't rely on him to give me anything.

So he loses his job. He goes to school for truck driving. I didn't say anything. That was his choice. I was thinking last night about school. Thinking about going back to finish my AutoCAD. But when I searched jobs there's about 10 positions for drafters and blueprint readers. I wanted to do accounting before but never got around to it. So I thought now would be perfect once I'm out on my own. So I tell him. He looks at me like I have a figh in elephant on my head. So I ask what he didn't want to talk in front of the kids. So we were outside. He says you shocked me. How are you going to honeschool the kids? And more or less of why I need to work? Well there are at least 100 positions here right now and I have a feeling it's always like that. I tell him with him not having any income, and if he becomes a driver he's not going to make that much to pay my bills and his. He tells me he's not going to have any bills. I asked how he just says he's not going to have any. What the heck is that suppose to mean?

I don't know if he's really that messed up or if he's in denial :(

No. He's a great provider and worker. He's been in the oilfields since he was really young. He's missed 2 days in the past 15 years he's worked. But with this oil thing. It's the first time in forever he hasn't had a job. So he went to truck drivers school because he doesn't know what to do.

Thanks SC. I finished the inside of the house today. I feel terribly guilty. I'm going to have to use her money to get beds and couch for us. I completely emptied the house and cleaned everything in a week. So now it's empty this house to that house LOL. I'm Hoping more money will come in. My car died on me 3 times today. Typically I just push the clutch and start it. But tonight I was getting off the freeway on a big turn when it died. Not only does it die. But when it dies the steering locks. I was about 20 feet from going straight off the exit.

I had a breakdown a few days ago. Literally crying for hours. My husband comforted me. I felt compelled to tell him how I felt and everything that's going on with me but couldn't. I ended up writing him. I'm Not sure if he read the letter. But he hasn't said anything to me. And although were splitting. It still hurt. Days of not saying anything after I emptied myself. Took me a lot of courage to do that and I just got ignored. One reason I gave up. Unless I become a man or turn into a motorcycle. I'll never matter. I never have and never will.

BKM,

Why feel guilty about using money passed down to you for essentials? I really do believe that this was a gift, and though you mourn...you can also see it as providence from your grandmother taking care of you from Heaven!

I am sorry that you are feeling so low. Splitting up, even if it is the right move, is never easy.

I wonder if he did not see the letter that you wrote?

However, that is neither here nor there...what matters is that you DO count...and no person or situation can change that...

You will find that inside of you....and with some healing and time, ultimately you may the person who recognizes and cherises your heart for the treasure it is.

Until that time...you and your kids are going to be fine. I have faith in your ability to do what needs to be done to take care of everything you need to.

We are here to support and cheer you on.

Talk soon,

S.C.

...you don't need outside validation to prove that