Pushing everyone away....

I would seek out some counseling, talking to a therapist would probably help you a lot. I know it's hard to go thru a break up, been threw my share of them myself, but life goes on. I don't mean to sound heartless, my heart goes out to you, but I think you need outside help of a therapist.

I took the initiative to get myself counseling...long over due but this was the straw that broke the camels back. So I have an appointment next Friday. Looking forward to healing myself and getting better. As for communication, I have not blocked his number and he has not blocked mine. He still has A LOT of my things since I pretty much lived with him, so we will have to see eachother again soon. I would like to give him space for a week and then send him a text or something. The problem is, I don't know what to say? I want to open conversation but not be too pushy in case he isn't ready. He said he needed space and it's overwhelming and that this is what's best for now....mixed feelings about his words. What do you guys think?

Hi HCS and welcome!

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry for what you are going through...I have been there, and it is so hard.;(

Here are a few things to consider to help ease your feelings, for hope and for moving forward.

True, while the anxiety and trust issues did not help the relationship...it takes two, and you can't shoulder all of the blame for the break up. It does not sound unreasonable to me to want to talk and check in everyday with eachother, considering you were exclusive and talking about marriage in the future.

However, as far as your part in things....yes, anxiety is hard to deal with not only for the sufferer, but for the supporter as well. Therefore it is our responsibility to get the help that we need in order to be our healthiest possible.

What treatment if any have you sought? I would start with my GP and get advice about my options for a recovery plan. Medication and/or therapy are very effective...

...as can self-help be! We have a whole Resource Guide here on our main page (1st thread) filled with great material. Check it out and see if anything looks helpful to you...or let me know you're interested and I'll make some specific recommendations for you.

Don't despair...my husband of (almost, come July!) 20 yrs broke up with me right as we were on the cusp of making things permanent. He just needed time to think and wrap his head around the idea of a lifetime commitment. We obviously got back together...and while that may or may not happen in your story...

...getting the help that you need will benefit you for YOU...and for either this or another future relationship.:)

Keep posting with us as well...support is key!

Scaredy Cat

I'm scared he won't come back because the past two arguments we've had have been really bad. He ignores me when he wants space and that makes my anxiety worse so I freak out and don't respect the space and freak out and accuse of things that are way far from the truth. I think my PTSD causes trust issues. Once one fight happened and he had lack of communication it was scary to think about the next fight and the next hurt may get worse. I smothered him, and I think to the point where he sees all bad and no good. He sat there with me as I cried for an hour just feeling hopless and held me and rubbed my back. Does that mean he cares? I just am so confused by what he means by its overwhelming. Maybe I'm reading too into it, but that's my anxiety kicking in. Fear of the unknown. He was my one thing I was certain of for my future, but now I feel lost?

Helpless College Student

HCS,

Try to see this time as an opportunity to grow, and find a real wholeness within yourself...

You can be certain of YOU in your future...that you will be alright no matter how people, or circumstances affect you.

Of course this is a time of feeling sad, so allow yourself to grieve the realtionship...but don't slip into feeling desperate or lost.

Take what seems like a situation that is only negative...and look for the opportunities and learning experiences you can gain from it.

From someone who's been there!

S.C.

What you're going through is very very very difficult. We all need someone next was helping us through this. Anxiety and depression is rough on everyone involved. So glad you're seeking help. Take any help you get from doctor, councelors or your friends here. Hoping the best for you.

Definitely still struggling guys. Does it ever feel any better? I am constantly feeling anxious and looking at my phone to see if he's text or called me to make things right. It's hard not to think negatively.

I wish it were that easy! I am so busy finishing up my degree and working and interning so I am so busy, but I still can't fight the anxiety feeling that I have constantly. Once I get the feeling I think about him and it spirals from there. How can I control this?

Ps when you start to think about him ... Picture him walking in your pumps and your clothes. He looks silly. Huh? Think of him trying to even do a fraction of what you are doing. That's right he can't. So when you think of him think about all the stuff he is missing out on with you. And too bad so sad for him. Think about him and move on boy is going to miss out on something special.?

You are strong enough. You just feel weak right now. You need to look at this from outside. Number 1 a weak person doesn't make it as far as you have in college. It's ok to mourn. You have lost something. It's ok to say "I thought ..." What your going trough right now I have gone through ( more than once) it is almost impossible to see it from a distance because your in the middle of a mele of emotions. Two things come to mind. As corny as it sounds, did you ever watch Dead Poets Society? Did you fully " get" the iconic ending? ( standing on the desk quoting Walt Whitman) I will
break it down like this. The character Mr. Keating ( Williams ) challenged the young men to see the world from a differnt perspective ( think out side the box we say) and the demonstrative of standing in a familar place but looking at the very familiar from a differnt perspective. The ending a tribute promise to never forget the lesson. What you need to do right now is stand on your desk. (metaphor) and look at this from a new angle. Nothing is going to help the pain. I'm sorry there just isn't a cure for this ailment. The pain your feeling right now reminds me of the bible parable about the vine dresser. I don't know if you have ever spent time in a garden but some things ( grapes and roses etc) well they NEED pruneing to grow bigger and better. In the parable Jesus compared the father to a vine dresser. And explained that sometimes we are pruned back FOR our OWN good! This is a painful process. Being snipped at and cut off entirely. But what wonderful BLOOMS he has planned for you! I don't think anyone wants to loose anything in life but sometimes we are not in control. And my HONEST opinion is that if he loved YOU , YOU have anxiety, hello it's a part of who you are. My husband has anxiety and honestly I love even his anxiety because he loves my RA. I think you can do better. A man who identifies you by a medical condition is an Ass. Sorry. Would it be right to say pleased to meet you my name is cancer , or mutilple sclerosis? Absolutey NOT. And by saying when you get better call me? ( I'd love to slap him for this, and say wow I'm better now ) what kind of person says " sorry for the test results call me when the cancer is gone after chemo and we'll talk " and it is good for you to be over the " party Barbie phase" because that is actually the last thing you need to heal. Adding alcohol will just make things way worse than they are now. Trust me been there and done that too. I really hope you can get to a better place in your heart soon. It's hard when the heart breaks. But all you can do is have faith now. Faith in the strong wonderful unique you that somewhere sometime the real Mr. Right is waiting for.

Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 2/7/2015 7:45:45 AM (GMT-7)