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Sometimes I don't understand myself...

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Posted 2/5/2015 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning Healingwell community.

Today, I am truly upset with myself. Last night I had a great night with an awesome yoga session. When I went to bed I felt quite well. When I woke, I also felt well. As a matter of fact, this morning I was in a genuine, authentic, good mood...

which in turn scared me...

Really?! The hell is wrong with me that I am so used to being scared, depressed, panicked, or in fear that when I am happy and well I freak myself out. Now I want to just cry, which make me feel even more manic.

Honestly... I don't know what to do with myself...
Posted 2/5/2015 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning, I know what you mean. I think it's because we are so used to being on constant alert that when we are at peace and relaxed it feels odd to us.
Posted 2/5/2015 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
Exactly! It makes me feel so... broken. And foolish. I just get so frustrated with myself for working so hard for peace and joy and then when I get it wanting to cry in fear...
Posted 2/5/2015 3:19 PM (GMT 0)
Yep we have been living with anxiety for so long that being happy or relaxed is an unusual feeling to us.
Posted 2/5/2015 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
I feel the same way. I felt calm and heart rate was low last night. Then I started wondering what was wrong. Why did I feel like that!!?? So frustrating. Can't win.
Posted 2/5/2015 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jolleg :)

I used to feel the same as you, worrying about why I felt 'normal' and not panicky...

I have only recently started to feel like myself again and I have done that by accepting the normal feelings! I still have off moments but feel so much better that I can recognise feeling normal as a good thing and not something to freak out about!
I was getting taken over by my anxiety and I think if I left it go on any longer it would have been so much harder to come out of!

Wish you luck and hope you feel better soon :)
Posted 2/5/2015 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
J.,

Waiting for the other shoe to drop...self-fufilling prophecy, self-sabotage...

...or as my daughter and I say when we are overwhelmed with emotions..."TOO MANY FEELS!"

Whatever you want to call it...this is not an uncommon phenonema.

We have had several threads on this feeling of 'Why am I feeling good...is that bad?!?'

I think the best way to deal with it is to work through your thoughts and feelings regarding this with some CBT/therapy worksheets.


 

Therapy Work Sheets:

http://www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm


They can help you process the complicated thoughts behind how you are feeling.:)

Best wishes on a relaxed rest of the day!

S.C.

Posted 2/5/2015 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the link SC. Those pages look really helpful.

Especially the mood diary. I have been wanting to start tracking my mood. More to show myself that there are ups as well as downs and try break my fixation on those pesky anxious/depressed moments.

Honestly, I think today was so... startling... to me because I had had such a horrific day Monday and an unpleasant day Tuesday. To suddenly not just feel ok, but to feel GREAT was, well, scary blush . I am feeling better about my good mood now. A little meditation and some rational thinking helped.
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