HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Angered and disgusted Possible trigger

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 2/9/2015 2:07 AM (GMT 0)
A few weeks ago my husbands uncle went into the hospital. He was having trouble swallowing. They put him on a feeding tube. He was 88 and had severe alzheimer's. A few days past and they took him off the feeding tube. He still could not swallow. It was the wife and sons decision to not hook the feeding tube back up, and to just let him starve to death. I thought this was outrageous! Anyway a few days and he passed away. The wife and son decided to creamate him and there would be no funeral or even a get together to honor him. They did not even post and obit. My husband is heart broke. He says it's like his life meant nothing to them. He owned a business in Dover,DE for many years. Many people new and loved him and will not even be aware of his passing.I don't understand how they can be so cold. I would understand no funeral if money was a factor but it is not. And a get together does not cost much. An obit is free. I just don't get it.
End rant thanks for listening and any replies.
Posted 2/9/2015 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
Same thing happened to my Mother three years ago, she and husband had made all their own arrangements
and cremation was their choice, "because of money", but she felt great and aspirated the water she took
her meds with, died in two days, It sux but once she was pronounced dead it was all automatic. Peace

Larry
Posted 2/9/2015 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
CHN,

I am so sorry to hear this. It is truly heartwrenching! :(

Were your huband and his uncle close? Is there a way that you two could facilitate a memorial for the family/community to honor him?

Not knowing the background and details of the family dynamic is difficult of course...but it sounds like maybe other members of the family stepping in to make sure this man's life is remembered well may be in order.

I am very sorry, and please give our condolences to your husband.

S.C.
Posted 2/9/2015 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
I have to be crass ... That just $&@ sucks. Sometimes I just don't get people. I feel the pain tho I had similar expirenced in my family but it was a little different in that there was no funeral or memorial but the death occurred due to " natural causes" and it was just that the family in control hated churches and religion. But still it's not about religion it's about grieving. Just a thought are they in denial of their feelings. And was there any advance directive from the uncle stating no life support? I'm sorry you are feeling this. But it is what I call a righteous anger. Your in the right to be angry at this. Heck even my pulse has gone up just reading this.
Posted 2/10/2015 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all. Him and his uncle were fairly close. This was his last remaining uncle. There was no advanced directive. He was a fairly religious person. I remember about 10 or so years ago him going over seas to help on some type of mission with the pastor from his church. Hubby thinks the whole thing is because of his nephew having a drug problem and aunt not knowing , so leaving arrangements up to him.
I told my husband to ask his sister and any family members he knows of that might have pics to gather them and I will put together a video that we both can share on facebook and ask people in our county to share. Maybe some of his friend will at least get notified that way.
Posted 2/10/2015 3:55 AM (GMT 0)
It is disgusting that a persons religious beliefs are violated after death by a drug addict. I'm so sorry this had happened. He deserved a funeral your right. This is a point we all need to remember have an advance directive. Yes plan your own funeral don't leave it up to anyone. My husband doesn't like some of my wishes but too bad I have it set already. ( I a donor of what ever is useable )
Posted 2/10/2015 7:44 AM (GMT 0)
What a terrible time this must be for everyone. It is never easy to lose a loved one. I am facing the loss of one of my own.

I say this with every bit of respect possible. So please don't get upset. As much as you hurt right now...please do not think anyone cold. We all grieve differently. We all walk in different paths. You can not know what a man and wife have decided or not decided. Maybe after many years of caring for this man who had already left her (Alzheimers) she was ready to move on. Reach out to her and find out if there is anything you and hubby can do to help. Her life just changed massively. Maybe she had already grieved. Maybe uncle didn't want a big funeral. Maybe nephew is eating her alive....there are too many things that you don't know.
By all means put together a memorial, wake, party whatever works for you. In this way you can honor the one you loved and lost in whatever way you think appropriate. Maybe this will help your hubby grieve and maybe the family can come back together.
I wish you peace.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply