will I ever figure this out and get better??

This summer will mark 3 years of strange symptoms and zero answers and I am feeling anxious and really down. I have been to so many specialists and doctors, therapists and psychiatrists and had x-rays, bloodwork, SSRI's, MRI's and a spinal tap.
My on and off symptoms get better and get worse, come and go and come again... And I'm so tired of living my life this way.
I'm so tired of no one being able to figure out the puzzle.
I've experienced: headaches, pre-syncope, fatigue, numbness & tingling in arms and legs, dissociation, severe anxiety, palpitations, nose bleeds, rapid weight loss, rapid weight gain, daily muscle twitches all over, a lesion was found in my brain... and frequent fear that I am dying.
I don't know what to do anymore or who to see.
It's just very exhausting and I can't help but worry about what is wrong - I want to fix this, whatever it is very much.

One therapist in 2013 diagnosed me with complex ptsd, but since then I have not had another therapist agree with that diagnosis (I have seen a total of 7 therapists and 2 psychiatrists).
I've had blood work done as recently as 2 weeks ago and my last MRI was in October (the next one is scheduled for next week).
I've tried Lexapro, Zoloft, & Prozac as well as Xanax. The Xanax is the only medication that has been helpful for the anxiety.
To manage my anxiety I've done EMDR, talk therapy, tapping, meditation, yoga, and TRE.
But there still is no answer for what the lesion in my brain is! My neurologist found the lesion this past summer and has ordered 2 more MRI's scheduled for next week. He said he wasn't "too, too worried" but is "concerned because I have no answers for you as to what it is or is causing it".
For a little while, I was working at accepting that my symptoms were a result of an anxiety disorder, but since finding the lesion - and having no answers as to what it is and why it's there has made me very concerned.
MRIs are not cheap tests and the fact that the doctor keeps ordering them (and doesn't have answers) has me worried.

I have had several western blot tests for Lyme as well as had my CSF tested for Lyme. I just began seeing a LLMD and was tested again as well as tested for co-infections. Everything came back negative except for an elevated level of m.pneumoniae, not the acute. So, I assume that shows that I had it and fought it? I'm not sure . The llmd is supposed to go over that when I see her next. When I last saw her she wasn't convinced it was Lyme, but thought maybe I'd had it, got rid of it (since early on in my symptoms I was put on antibiotics for an assumed sinus infection) and was still dealing with a co-infection.
I just don't know anymore. I feel like I've tried everything and seen everyone!

I have to say - I am so very sorry that you all have been dealing with these things, but at the same time, I am so very grateful to not be alone here.
This can all be so scary. I can't tell you how often I look at my children and worry that whatever this is that is wrong with me will take me from them...
And I know not every day is full of pain or fear or is all bad. I have good days where I feel well, but they are not frequent enough.
And I remember feeling "normal" and I long for it again. So, it's so disappointing to feel otherwise, when it comes.
The uncertainty on top of the physical and emotional symptoms is really really hard.
Thank you all again for reading my post. For responding. For sharing.
It helps.

~~~~ May we be healthy. May we be happy. May we be safe. May we know inner peace. ~~~~

Hi Searching

Welcome to the anxiety/panic forum good to meet you.

I am sorry to hear your story it sounds like you have had a really tough time and have had to deal with a lot. I know how frustrating it is to not be able to get a diagnosis and I hope you get some answers soon so you can address the problem and move on.

Have you looked into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME & Fibromyalgia? The reason I ask is my sister in law has a lot of the same symptoms as you and this is what she was diagnosed with last year. Remember I am not a doctor so would suggest you discuss these with yours if you think it is possible.

Anxiety can cause all sorts os symptoms both physical and mental and is also very good at mimicking other diseases so it could also be anxiety. PTSD is quite a hard one to treat but I have heard that Schema Therapy works well for it so maybe look into that and see what you think? I actually start Schema Therapy on Monday.

I hope you can get some answers soon and start to feel a bit better in the meantime keep posting here and we can help support yo.

Hibee

Thank you all so much!

I will be sure to post nest week after my appointments. I am hoping for some good news and I'm willing to work to get better.

I haven't heard of Schema - I'll have to look it up.
Hibee, if you have some time after your appointment, please let me know how it went!

You guys, all of your words of encouragement and the way you validate my feelings is so very helpful!
I am fortunate to have the support of my husband, which is great, but there is something different and much needed to hear from others going through similar circumstances.

I appreciate it so very much!