ROCD Relationship Anxiety

Hi SR,

I think that the anxiety and insomnia are likely to just be a natural part of returning to the demands and stressors of 'real life'.

I have often experienced the same thing...feeling great on holiday, only to have the old familiar symptoms return upon getting back home.

Anxiety (and depression) can and will take the feelings we have and dull them to the point of numbness.

I think that working on a list of how you feel in regards to your boyfriend (be sure to keep it where it won't be seen!) will help you to realize where your heart is at currently.

Writing down what you love about him/your relationship in contrast to what you are unhappy about may shed some light on the situation for you.

Also, making a tally of whether you are better off in or, perhaps out of the relationship would help?

Ultimately, remember...love is a VERB...not an emotion.

In every relationship, feelings are going to fluxuate.

However, if this guy is a man of good characteristics and ultimatley someone who you can see yourself wanting a future with...

...it is worth working hard to get past the times that 'feel' less than perfect.

Sending you hope for clarity in your situation!

S.C.

Savruby: You aren't alone! I think this can be quite "normal" with anxiety. This has happened to me (in more than one relationship) and even now, in my marriage. I've talked it through with my therapist and our marriage counselor and both have made really good points.

The first is that anxiety makes you selfish. It just does. It consumes your thoughts until you can't think of anything/anyone else, including those you love. (When anxiety is high...not always.) It makes it hard to expend the energy to be affectionate and loving with your significant other, which often leads to a feeling of detachment. So in my case, it's not that I don't love my husband, it's that sometimes, I just don't have the mental capacity to let his love in and to express my love for him.

The other point, and you touched on it, is that we, as anxiety sufferers, have a tendency to analyze EVERYTHING. This includes relationships. The mental energy spent on analyzing prevents us from just FEELING the emotions. Again, a form of detachment. When detached, we look at things from an outside perspective, like you described. "I should kiss him, kissing him is a sign of affection." Etc. I have those very same thoughts. I find when make a concentrated effort to stop analyzing, though, I'm better able to naturally feel his love and give him mine.

I'm not sure if any of this helps, but I just wanted to tell you you aren't alone. Perhaps some counseling could be beneficial?

SR,

Self Help Printable Work Book for OCD and Intrusive Thoughts

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/obsessioncompulsion.asp

Here is a link you may find helpful.

S.C.

Hi

I have OCD and currently in therapy trying to tackle some of the intrusive thoughts I get and it has been hard and has made me realise how much my OCD has taken over my life.

Cognitive behaviour Therapy has been proven to work well at treating OCD so this might be something you could look into? Your doctor should know all about this type of talking therapy. OCD is tough to live with but it is totally beatable and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

You can beat this it may take some hard work but it is achievable and we are behind you all the way.

Hibee

SR,

Yes, that link above is more compulsion focused...but if you skip down the page, it does go into thought challenging exercises...and the modules can simply be done in such a way as to focus on the thought aspect of the OCD challenge...

...but better still, is this link, I will posted below.  It is filled with CBT based therapy worksheets that include thought challenge type exercises.

Therapy Work Sheets:

http://www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm

Hope you find this one more useful. ;)

S.C.