I am a 27 year old female who has a long history with anxiety, borderline personality disorder and panic disorder with manic depression. I was diagnoses at 10, after being sexually assaulted.for the first out of three times and bullied All thru school. I did graduate but college wasn't an option because my sister had a terrible car accident and lost custody of her two kids she also lost her right eye in the accident. She was sentenced room 7 1/2 years in prison due to drug use so I had to help mom with the kids. Long story short I finally had some time to myself when I met my husband of 10 years now. At first when had some abusive issues that we have worked thru but the after math has not left me. I'm still Damaged. So, I finally thought I was gonna be OK and then I was put on loretabs for.chronic pain due to my large 38 G size chest. The pills lead to a severe addiction which nearly killed us both. We have been sober for six years now. Last year I got a call that my grandfather was dying from lukemia. Two months later my grandmother who had dimentia was dying. Me my sister and my mom and my husband all took Care of her but uneasy her home health aid. Her son got out of prison and took her home and hated new so luckily I got to spend the good times with her and make amends because he hates me. So while she was getting worst my 31 year old cousin went missing and his body was found after a week in our loCal lake. He let behind a one year old.son. soon after, my grandmother passed. Just as I was done picking out her. Casket clothes and went back tonwork, on September 22nd 5 days after my 25 the birthday my brother called me at work and told.me.to sit down. When I did, he told me that tHey had just found my sister dead on her couch in her apartment. She has a 15 years old girl and 11 years old boy. Soon after I changed jobs, and got promoted to manager and thought I was gonna be OK. Suddenly industries having problems with an older lady being jealous and bullying me so after a lot of stress, nausea, hospital visits I finally for moved to another store. things were worst there and the harder I tried to work hard and do right the more crap I dealt with. I woke up one day and staeyes throwing my guts up having severe stomach pain. Went to the hospital and missed a day of work with a note and couldn't get we'll. I was in the ER FOR five days going in the morning and taking iv out to go to work because thrun threatened my job for being sick. The next week the other manager got cellulite and was out for two weeks putting me at work seven days a week Throwing you crying and so on. Bottom line, I have GERD. THE ACID in my stomach is three rimes what it should be making me miserable. I have panic disorder and severe depression on top of other physical health problems. I have a phobia of the act of vomiting since I was small child so when my stomach acts up it triggors the panic, and when I have panic aftacks it trigger the nausea which trigger more anxiety. I've lost my job, I don't have any friends or family because I never leave the safety of my home. I don't fo anywhere because I don't want to get sick in public or have a panic attack. My husband is going crazy trying to work and dealnwith my problems. I've reached out to every place I could find in my area and nobody will help me. Mental health turned me down because I'm not suicidal or.homicidal. I take medicine that makes treatment for anxiety with meds difficult because it's.methadone. I take it, Wellbutrin and prevacid daily on top of nausea meds like phenegran dramamine and others. I've completely went down hill after everything that my family has been thru but I can't find help. It's $75 a visit just to get my depression meds from my family doctor and that's hard to come by when I can't work. My dad and husband are helping me financially but I can't seem to get well so if anybody has any advice or help to offer my email is
[email protected] and we can talk. Sorry for long story but I need help. And to get the right help you need to have understanding. I am lost. I can't eat I don't smile or.laugh I don't get outside for anything more. Than feeding my animals. I either sleep all the time because I'm so sad and sick or I can't sleep because of it. I have nightmares and wake up sweating and shaking. I seem to feel a little more relaxed and eased when the sun comes up. My symptoms usually peak early in the morning at like 4 am to 6:30-7. After that it starts to fade but I'm left with nausea and this awful bad guilty sick terribly depressed and unhappy feeling churning in the pit of what left of my stomach. I have had an incredibly hard life but who hasnt right? I am blessed and have a lot more.than some and more than I probably deserve. I lost everything when I got on drugs and was homeless but my dad has been an angel to me helping me get clothes shoes perfume and things a woman needs and my husband as we'll along with our MoMs and my sister before she passed is who got me.in church and started my sobriety journey. Please if there anybody out there I'm waiting for help, a friend, a miracle, an angel. Please. Those who read this PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. Thanks.