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Working with panic disorder and anxiety?

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Posted 6/9/2015 2:48 PM (GMT 0)
So a little background, I've had panic disorder, BPD, and GAD for the past 6 years. It's usually a constant wave of anxiety but I get extremely suicidal when I work, like I have contemplated ****** myself while on jobs. I've even spent lunch breaks self-harming in the bathroom. I used to work retail, and my first job I quit after 3 days because the anxiety was so bad I couldn't do anything at work without crying (even in front of customers). Then I worked at a dollar store where I quit after a month. There my boss would scream at me in front of customers, make me restock shelves, he was just a complete ******. I was so suicidal after work one night, I spent went right to the ER to be observed because I was so scared of ****** myself.

PRESENT: I just started working at a hospital, cleaning. I like the people, it's just the impending sense of responsibility that freaks me out. I don't know what to do. If I keep working I'm so scared I'll really hurt myself, but I can't bring myself to quit because I need money, I'm afraid of confrontation, I'm afraid they'll hate me and think I'm a waste. I'm afraid my roommates and parents, who were all so proud of me for finally working, will get mad at me. I don't know what to do, but this is killing my mental health. cry


Sorry had to edit out of a couple of triggering words out of your post.

Post Edited By Moderator (AngelLisa) : 6/9/2015 9:29:23 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/9/2015 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
Q,

I'm so sorry to hear that work causes you so much grief!

My first question to you would be, are you in therapy, or do you have someone you trust that you can talk to about why work causes you to have these types of thoughts?

Also, are you on meds to treat these issues that you're dealing with?

I am sure that your coworkers see the value in you and it sounds like this is a job that you like better than previous ones.

Keep posting here and hopefully we can help you through this difficult time!
Posted 6/9/2015 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
I have been in therapy before, I'm not currently. I was last on venelafaxine and clonazepam but I went through this whole stint with state insurance and they stopped covering me. I haven't been on my meds for about a month and a half. With my previous jobs I was on medication, too. I've been on so many different meds the past few years, and none have helped.

I have work today, and I'm on the verge of puking because my anxiety is so bad.

I want to schedule and emergency appointment with my psychiatrist for today but I work at 4 p.m. (it's 11 a.m. currently) and I'm so scared of calling out.
Posted 6/9/2015 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome quantumquoz to the Anxiety forum, I'm so sorry you are going thru anxiety at this time. I must ask you to refrain from talking about suicide however, it is against forum rules to talk about self harm.

"1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence (ie. threats of suicide, self-harm, or physical harm). "

I also feel the need to post the following for you.
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
SuicidalTeens.com

I would recommend you talking to your psychiatrist if you can.
Posted 6/9/2015 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
quantum,

I understand. My ear buds were taken away from me to block out all the B.S. my coworkers talk about and I stay in a state of panic and depression.

While this is of no help, just know you aren't alone.

Why is your self-esteem so low? You do have value. Unfortunately, at every job, you won't find perfection. There's always crap.

What are your interests? Would schooling to nurture those interests be good for you?
Posted 6/9/2015 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi QQ and welcome.

I am so sorry to hear of your current struggles. It is so difficult to try and navigate even everyday things such as work and mood management when we are challenged with anxiety!

I also think that your change in your Rx status is surely factoring in with how you are feeling now. Is there a way that you can look into getting reinstated with state aid for your meds? Can your P-doc help with resources for you?

If you feel you are in crisis, then you really should go ahead and get in with your psychiatrist today. I commend you for your work ethic!! However, your health comes first and foremost.

I think you are doing really well given your circumstances, and just need to reach out now for some help to get you going in your progress again.

Great job on reaching out to us here, as we will keep you in support.:)

Now make the call to your P-doc, and keep your momentum moving in a healing direction! You are going to be alright.

Keep up the good work, and let us know how you are doing soon.

Scaredy Cat
Posted 6/9/2015 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

Welcome to the forum you will get good support here.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment do post here when ever you need support we are here to listen and support you and will never judge you. We can also relate to how you are feeling so don't feel alone.

I agree with SC a sudden stop in your medication could have something to do with how you are currently feeling. I would make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible and see why they can suggest medication wise and also therapy wise.

Stay with us and keep posting.

Hibee
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