Hi my introduction

Iam not sure what to say here. I guess Iam fairly new to antidepressants. I was put on them seven years ago when I was pregnant (my first time on antidepressants) due to some severe stresses outside of my pregnancy. But once I moved away and gave birth myself, family and Dr saw no need. Then 3 years later I started to have panic attacks, no motivation and just over all blah. I was put through counselling for 2 months as I had a teenager and was unable to reach him all we did was fight to the point I dreaded being around my own child. I won't go into how awful that feeling was. The Dr's thought it might be the stress of parenthood and thyroid out of whack. So as a quick fix they threw me on atidrepressants and after 9 blood tests with inconclusive results I gave up. I lost faith in medical help but hey the counselling was helping my oldest son and I so I no longer needed medicated help right????? WRONG!!!! Or so I guess.

As of tomorrow I start cipralex for the first time. I do not know how or when I got so far gone. My family informs me Im unpleasant to live with, Im snappy, moody, irritable and so on. I have been unaware of this all is that normal?

I knew I was unhappy but chalked it up to stress. My answer is Iam ok when somebody asks. Which in my head says I'm just tired emotionally, mentally, physically spent!!! Energey what is that? I seem to have a vague recollection of it. I never want to leave the house I have to force myself and sadly more often than not I do NOT succeed in that. I'm crying sick and tired of being me the only thing I want to keep is my kids everything else can go in the garbage!!!!!!!!! Is this normal? I was so mad yesterday and frusturated it was all I could do to not punch holes in the walls It has been a couple decades since I been that anger that I felt a need to be destructive in order to feel the anger release. I have had thoughts of doing drugs and alcohol just escape which I never done drugs and have been a rare drinker for the 38yrs I been alive. In the passed months I found myself thinking if I did not have my 2 children would I still be here? All these thoughts and feelings are very new to me. I have never been this dark before. I swear at times Iam losing my ever loving mind and nobody understands me or my incessant tears.

Sorry for this loooooooooooong post. I just stumbled on this site while searching about cipralex and read a few posts and felt WOW this is great people on the same meds so they have an understanding of the side effect journey I might take. And it is just nice cause all of a sudden at this moment I do not feel so alone and lonely!!! So Thank-You all of you

Thank you so much.

I must admit Iam scared, nervous, anxious and millions of other things. But I have HOPE! and that Iam clinging to for dear life. I have not been taught coping skills of any kind yet but I have just recently started counselling admittedly I have cancelled almost every session the passed month just not able to force myself out of the house. BUT due to yesterdays crazy melt down as of this second Iam determined to make it to Fridays session. I have never been a home body like this bad is this normal? I feel so alien I guess

Raven several of my family have agoraphobia, "Fear of the Market Place", was the ancient name for it,
it's tough, every time you give in to the fear to go out the fear will become stronger, try not to give in,
and when you win the fight with fear give yourself a pat on the back, the toughest adversary we face is
always "US".
Look on the resources page, try reading up on Mindfulness, it's a great breaker of PAD, Peace

Larry ***