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I think I'm going crazy

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Posted 7/7/2015 6:03 AM (GMT 0)
Two months ago I ended 'it' with someone. The reason I use 'it' is because I wouldn't call it a decent relationship. Anyway, although we didn't really see each other for that long, from the beginning, he had a strong impact on me and my life. When I met him for the first time I knew he was special. He stole my heart.

He was brilliant at his profession. I had a lot of respect for him. I admired him. Although we had a few misunderstandings in the beginning, we managed to work it out. We did have great chemistry. However, because of his profession, we were not allowed to speak on a daily basis...and I feel I never was able to find closure at the end. I was the one who ended 'it'. The last time I saw him, I felt extremely uncomfortable and distant. We weren't able to communicate well...nothing worked right. Everything went wrong. It all happening suddenly. I have not seen him for two months since.

During those two months that I have not been able to see him, I have been going crazy. I cry myself to sleep everyday. I have been working, going out, seeing friends, doing the best I can to recover...and STILL, he haunts me every single day. This never happens to me. I have been in quite a few relationships. I meet other men. But this one man has completely.....I tell you.....completely stolen my heart. No one else can replace him. He will forever remain in my heart. I know that people say, time will help me heal. Yes, I may heal...but he will continue to haunt me. I really want to move on. I can't. I've been thru the worst breakups with longer relationships and even those weren't this hard.

I have been spending money on fortune telling and I need to stop. It has become an addiction. It's much cheaper than seeing my psychiatrist so I do not regret it. And I get a lot of feedback and advice. So please don't laugh at me for seeing these fortune tellers. They are like councelors to me. But I really want to stop wasting my money on them.

I wish..I knew why this man is so important to me. Why he has had so much impact on me. I really wish I knew. I know there is a saying...we meet people for a reason, things happen for a reason...but when will we know the answer?

All I know right now is that this man has stolen my heart and I want it back.

Posted 7/7/2015 10:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Melodee

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment.

These things can take time to get over and sometimes you never well but I do feel talking about it will help the healing process and help you come to closure. Sometimes writing a letter to the person but not send it can help get all your emotions out just a suggestion.

Hibee
Posted 7/7/2015 10:33 AM (GMT 0)
Pretty certain that everyone that reads your post can relate... I know I can.

Good ol mother nature kind of removes the bad stuff after a break up but leaves us with the good memories. You kind of have to force yourself to remember the reasons you ended it.

Even when I've ended a relationship, my plan of attack is centered all around me. I start exercising more, get out more and in general try to better myself.

Even if I never run into an ex again, I want her to miss what she could have had, had she tried harder to keep me.
Posted 7/7/2015 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry. I can imagine the hurt you are feeling. When the chemistry is there, but you know it isn't right, it's so hard to fight it.

You have to find a way to replace these constant thoughts with something productive. It is hurting you to constantly think about him, and what could have been. You have to love yourself more. I know that can be hard, but it is absolutely necessary for you to recover from this.

I wish you the best of luck.
Posted 7/7/2015 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
{{{{{{{melodee}}}}}} Sending you a big HUG!!!

I'm so sorry this is still effecting you so badly. Just please try to understand and believe that this is for the best. It was not a relationship that should of ever happened to begin with and HE was in the wrong for letting it get out of control. You are only human and fell for his trap.

We talked about this in length is chat awhile ago, and my heart goes out to you that you are still suffering, I really wish I could take your pain away. But like I said then, it will take time. Yes I know you know this, but it's true. The pain WILL fade, NO you will never forget him, but the pain will get better and you'll be able to think about this time without crying and feeling like you do now.

I'm glad you are still going out with friends and trying to live life, Keep doing this and it WILL get better, I PROMISE you this. As far as the fortune teller, you already know my feelings on that so I won't go into it again, But I do agree you need to stop going and spending your money. Put that money aside in a savings account and then treat yourself to a mini vacation, maybe a trip to the beach (sorry don't remember where you live) for the weekend, or to a mini spa for the day and get the whole work up. :)

You WILL get thru this, and it will make you a better person. We all have heartbreak in our lives, Mine was when my husband died 11 years ago. Have I forgotten him? Heck No, I still think about him each and every day and I still miss him each and every day. However, I don't cry each and everyday anymore. Yes I still have my time of tears, especially when I hear certain songs on the radio that remind me of him. Yes the pain of losing him still hurts, and probably always will. He was the love of my life, my everything (besides my boys) and he always will be. But life goes on, and so will you.

You will come out of this stronger then ever before, cry the tears you need to cry. It is okay to cry, just do NOT stop living life. Keep using your coping skills, keep doing things you enjoy doing (even if you don't enjoy them as much as you used too) and Keep going out with friends.
Posted 7/7/2015 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hibee, Steve, Jake's mom, AngelLisa, all of you....who have responded. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

It means so much to me to be able to come here and receive your support. I am in a wreck and have never been worse.

Hibee, writing to him would be a good idea. Actually this may sound creepy but I have instead pretended to 'speak' to him as if I were in front of him. (Yes it looks like I am talking to myself). I feel better crying and speaking at the same time...I do call my friend about it...and tell her what exactly I wanted to tell him...so it does help.

Steve, you are so right. I forget the reason I wanted to 'end it' in the first place. Thank you for the reminder.

Jake's mom, yes, it's terribly hard. I absolutely adored him. He was one beautiful wonderful man. I will never forget him. And he has this crazy playful personality that no one would be able to guess from his elegant looks.

AngelLisa,

You know how much I have appreciated your friendship and support.

Yes you are correct. He was in the wrong for letting it get out of control. I am human indeed. And I feel used!! He is in a position of power and it was absolutely wrong.

I will promise not to waste any more money. I will use it for spa and to buy clothes...and shoes I need!

I never in my life thought I would have anyone affect me this much. It's insane. He's not here with me and yet I feel my mind and heart is being controlled by him. It's scary.

Thank you everyone. I know it will take time, but it's much easier said than done.

I appreciate your support. Knowing people understand and to be able to read your comforting supporting words mean the world to me. Thank you.

Posted 7/7/2015 6:26 PM (GMT 0)
Mel,

Talking about this...getting it out, 'exorcising' the negative aspects of the memories is cathartic. ..

I can't add much to the above but my sympathy and encouragement.

Keep talking with us...we care about you!

S.C.
Posted 7/8/2015 9:34 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you SC. Yes, talking about it seems to be the only way.

I wish I were stronger. He wasn't perfect...and he had some issues....but like Steve said, we tend to remember only the good things...so I must force myself to remember the reason why I wanted to end it in the first place. He did have a bad temper...and he was quite intimidating at times which is what I disliked about him. But I forget the bad things...I guess that is why they say Love is blind.
Posted 7/8/2015 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
many healing thoughts. take time for you.
Posted 7/8/2015 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
Melodee,

I had a relationship like that. But unlike you I was not smart enough to end it and keep it gone. I dated him for 3 years with 1 or 2 week break-ups off and on through that time. He had the bad boy look with the teddy bear kindness or so I made myself believe. Oh my the chemistry was crazy out of this world nothing like I had ever known before. He made me laugh on some of my really bad days. But hey I was madly in love so he was perfect. The chemistry alone I mean I had never experienced such wild intimacy crazy and erotic TMI I know.

BUT
The blinders slowly started to fall like yours. He still had the good looks and the sex was out of this world but I slowly realized that was all we had superficial garbage. That we had nothing deeper no emotional connection. He really was not there for me when I needed encouragement and just an ear. Steve is right it took me a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time to remember this. We have been split for 8 years now I admit 5 years ago I did start dating him for a very brief moment but by then I had such a wall up against him and something terrible had happened to cause me to split with him so many years before that I had resentment for him.

Iam married now but I admit there are moments when I still think of this man and miss him. But I force myself to remember all the bad that went with that relationship.

I guess in short I can see how you feel just wanted you to know your not alone. I hope things get better soon for you. Just know that your Amazing man will show when you least expect it mine sure did.

Post Edited (RavenBeauty) : 7/8/2015 2:16:20 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/8/2015 9:40 PM (GMT 0)
Melodee,
No judgment here on seeing fortune tellers. To this day I believe I've received some of my best advice from fortune tellers/psychics :) but I agree in that they can be an expensive alternative.

All I can say is I am so sorry you're hurting. Break ups are horrendous things to deal with and my best piece of advice would be, if you can't get through it, you will get around it. Either way, there is a solution and every day it gets better.
Wishing you the best & sending hugs!
Posted 7/9/2015 7:45 AM (GMT 0)
Ravenbeauty,

Thank you so much for the support and sharing your experiences with me. In my case, it wasn't really about physical intimacy. I couldn't say we had good emotional intellectual compatibility either because I didn't know him that long enough. But I was attracted to him for sure. The problem with this relationship was that he was not a regular businessman. He was in a position of power and we never had a chance to take the relationship further. There were too many obstacles. That is the main reason why I have been suffering so much. Suffering because of the things I wonder what 'could have been'. I do need to move on.

Blu'sMama,

Thank you for the support. I did receive some great advice from these fortune tellers. They weren't just 'reading' cards..if you know what I mean. They gave me some great advice regarding relationships and life.

Thank you both again for the support. Truly appreciate you being here.
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