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Anxiety sickness has me afraid to leave my house

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Posted 7/21/2015 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
Forgive me if I'm posting in these forums incorrectly, I do not use forums often.

I'm a 21 year old girl attending university. I am an artist as a hobby and my anxiety has gotten to the point where I've lost my motivation to even do art, so I know I need help. I believe the anxiety has been present since I was a teenager (15), but that it has only recently become prominent in my life to the point that I am scared to leave my house or go anywhere that does not have a bathroom.

At first I thought, because I am underweight, that perhaps my frequent abdominal pain, nausea, racing heart, and fatigue was due to not eating enough (hypoglycemia?). When eating more didn't help I tried cutting out wheat (Since I heard gluten intolerance causes abdominal pain), which did nothing. Cutting out foods has not made the pain and sickness go away. I began to become obsessed, why am I feeling this way, if I'm sick how can I fix it? This obsession probably only made the issue worse I can imagine. When I don't know something, I research it to death until I understand, so I was frustrated that I couldn't find an answer to this. I decided to go to the doctor and hopefully she will tell me what's wrong with me.

A chest x-ray and a blood test later and she tells me "It's probably anxiety, I will write you a prescription for anti-anxiety medication (citalopram)" Sigh. I predicted i'd just be prescribed an anti-anxiety medication and shoo'd out the door. Well, I decided to give it a try. The pills help people, right? They will help me if I truly have anxiety. So I took a pill. Within the next 3 hours, my body was utterly furious with me for putting some foreign medicine into it, and caused me to expel everything I'd ever eaten in my life (digested or not). For the next 3 days I'd lay on my couch in pain with the worst, most horrible depressed thoughts I've ever experienced in my life, thoughts like "I will never feel better, this is it, I have to live in extreme pain for an eternity. My life is a test of endurance through the hell that is this sickness". Holy moly! So I disposed of the pills and have arranged for another doctors appointment (Which is this coming Thursday).

I am not scared of the mall. I am not scared of people. I am not scared of the outdoors. I am not scared of anything, and I have great self esteem. I am a confident young girl, but I feel sick. Anytime I go out to eat with friends, like clockwork, oh! I need to rush home now because I need to be in severe abdominal pain for the rest of 24 hours. It's a horrible circle.

Afraid of getting sick --> Make self sick with mind --> Get sick.

Do I need hypnosis or something to fix me? I actually have this magical ability to just THINK about getting sick and then, oh! I feel pain. I am a wizard. Funny how when it comes to anxiety, you are perfectly aware of how irrational you're being but yet that is irrelevant, your body doesn't care. It knows, but it continues on.

I've started to work out, and trying to bike (mostly by myself). Exercise isn't helping either. I take birth control pills so I decided to take a break from those for awhile as well and see if having unaltered hormones helps in any way. So far, no change.

Will therapy help me? I'm terrified of September coming. I have to take a 40 minute bus ride to my university and then spend hours in class rooms in lectures I can't afford to leave because of a stupid self induced diarrhea problem. Also, it's not like chronic diarrhea, I only get it if I get myself all worked up I suppose. Even if I don't feel "worked up" exactly, even if my thoughts wander in that direction it will happen. I'm becoming afraid to eat food, any food, because it could become diarrhea... sigh! I don't think it's healthy to become afraid of food and the outdoors, huh? Probably not. How can I get a part time job like this? I feel like a wreck.

Sorry for the huge wall of text! And I once again apologize if I've said anything wrong, done anything wrong, etc. Thank you for reading, and sorry if I sound pessimistic! I'm just.. like.. really tired, you know? I want to be healthy, like a fitness guru or a yoga master.
Posted 7/22/2015 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi lawrensa. Sorry to hear anxiety is striking you full on.

1 thing to know, you are not alone. 2Nd thing to note, gastro problems are common. Our tummys and tubes(intestines) are the most sensitive parts when it comes to stress and anxiety. Any increase in cortisol(stress hormones) will result in a change in bowel movements. But i believe your constant worry is a result of your own mind, and there are ways to keep it under control. Pills help, but you also have to do some self therapy. Infact, i personally believe mental fortitude is the strongest help you can get. Please take a look at the resources at the top. Do some meditation, free CBTs, journaling. Understand yourself, understand why your anxiety is happening, accept it, and tell yourself you can handle it. Because you need that control back from your body, and it will hand it back to you when you are ready!
Posted 7/22/2015 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome!


Sorry for the late response...

Also sorry to hear of the anxiety you are dealing with, along with the physical symptoms it brings on.:( Know that you are not alone, and that there is help and hope!

Finding the right treatment is key. Going to your doctor was a good firtst step. Unfortunately, your Rx did not agree with you...and this is not unusual. Many people have to try a few before finding the right fit....and A/D's can make symptoms worse initially, until therapeutic benefits kick in.

If you would rather not try another medication, then yes, as you and Rei mentioned...therapy is key. Ask your doctor about a referral and get going to sessions as soon as possible.

I can't begin to tell you the difference it made for me.;) Learning the skills to manage your anxiety is a must for feeling your best.

For now, please check out our Resources. (see link below) By practicing these daily, you will lower your anxiety, and therefore your physical symptoms as well. The Stress Relieving Exercise link, as well as the meditations are a good place to start.

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

Keep posting with us as well! We understand, care and support is key.:)

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat

Posted 7/22/2015 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hello dear. I hold most of my anxiety in my gut. Since the age of 5, I've been suffering from anxiety and for many, many years had a fear of going someplace where I would not have immediate access to a restroom. I believe this started when I was around the age of 5 and I vomited in church in front of lots of people. It was after that I had a fear of eating out in public, eating too much, eating somewhere a restroom was not close by, etc. My stomach hurt all the time for years. I was constantly in the restroom. (had a full work up by a gastro dr. at age 17 and nothing was found) By the time I was around 18 - 19, I could barely eat one full meal per day for fear of throwing up, uncontrolled diarrhea...or anything my irrational thinking would cause my body to do. Fast forward to 30 yrs later and I've been on the correct medication, received the correct therapy and I'm a healthy middle aged woman who is going places I never dreamt I would (fairs, craft shows, festivals, traveling) My advice to you is please find the right therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders. Sometimes it takes going to 3 - 4 different people before you find the right one. Consider starting a small dose of anti-anxiety meds. I take Celexa for depression & anxiety, and xanax as needed. Good luck to you and remember you are not alone!
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