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SCARED TO DEATH-PLEASE HELP

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Posted 8/4/2015 6:59 PM (GMT 0)
My family has been waiting for almost 2 weeks now to find out if my Mom's cancer has returned or not. She has an appointment with the doctor in the morning. I am scared to death right now and need someone to turn to. I have everyone I know praying for negative results from her tests she had week before last. My anxiety will not calm down. I've tried everything and even doubled up my Xanax a couple hours ago and that isn't calming me down either.
I am going to say to you all what is racing thru my mind so at least someone knows where I am at emotionally. These are things I am scared to say out loud to anyone. Writing them makes me feel like I am putting a jinx on things but I have to get them out.
I am scared Mom's cancer has returned. I am scared for her and how she will feel if it has. I am scared for the treatment she may have to have. I am scared about losing her. I am scared about my Dad losing her (they have been married 55 years) as she is from the era where wives did everything and husbands brought home the paycheck, so Dad doesn't really know anything about paying bills, etc.
I am trying my hardest to think positive. It is hard though. darn anxiety gets a hold and won't let go.
Any helpful advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated as I wait this out.
It has been a long two weeks and now that I know she will find out the answer tomorrow I am beside myself scared. The last couple weeks it was easy to pretend nothing was going on but now it is feeling VERY real. Please keep Mom in your prayers and pray for negative results.
Posted 8/4/2015 7:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hi ocean!

Sorry to hear about you/your mom's current situation. :(
I know it's hard in these situations to try to remain calm and in control of your thoughts. It's very easy in these situations to let your mind run wild. Remember all the coping skills you have and the ones we have on the forums!

It's just like your signature says. You are a ROCK! Keep telling yourself that and please do believe it.
Posted 8/4/2015 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Ocean,

Anyone would be feeling the same thing! I still.hold my breath when my step dad has his PSA tests...and it has been over 10 yrs. since his P.C.

Know this is normal anxiety, because it IS scary and hard to wait on results such as this!

Do you feel better since posting about things? Did voicing your fears help?

I understand your fear of 'jinxing' things...this is an anxious habit many have...

...but once you start to release the fears and speak them...the opposite effect will start to happen, and you will find it a cathartic exercise. Journaling is a powerful tool!

Add us to those in prayer for your mom!! We are hear for you as you walk this journey with her.

Know we care and are here in support. ..and let us know how you are all doing soon, okay?

Hugs and prayers!

S.C.
Posted 8/4/2015 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
Yes! You are rock! Be strong! Your mum and dad love you and you have to be strong to support them in this difficult moments.

Hugs and prayers!
Posted 8/4/2015 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Prayers, Ocean. Let us know what you find out tomorrow. <3
Posted 8/4/2015 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your understanding and support. It means a great deal to me that I have somewhere I can turn and voice my fears without letting anything on to Mom and Dad. I don't want them to worry about me because I am worrying about them. I am one who holds her breath and cannot rest easy until we get the results. This has been going on for 5 years. She is in remission and every 3 months has had to have blood work and chest x-rays (she had a very aggressive for of endometrial cancer) and CT scans. I worry every time she has a test done that something is going to happen. Hopefully I am needlessly worrying for nothing and everything will turn out for the best tomorrow. I am trying to use my coping skills which are not working but will keep at them and have talked to my psych doc and he said it is okay to up my Xanax and other anti-anxiety med for the meantime.
I had forgotten my signature line has the phrase "I am a ROCK". I will try to be strong.
Posted 8/5/2015 10:56 AM (GMT 0)
Thinking of you!!! xx
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