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Fear of harming others/losing mind/control

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Posted 8/13/2015 11:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, so about a year ago i was diagnosed with acute anxiety, meaning i wouldn't have it for long. In January of this year i was pretty much completely rid of it and life was good. Then, in May i started getting what i call these "waves" of sadness. In the "waves" i felt no purpose of life, suicidal, etc. But i would never harm myself and as soon as the wave stopped i felt completely better and 100% happy. These waves would happen 2-3 times a day, but after 2 weeks of meditation and praying it went away. It later came back for about a week, but starting meditation again i felt relieved quicker than the previous time.
Early July my little cousin was murdered. As soon as I was told I look at the world differently... I couldn't believe how inhumane people can be... I started paying more attention to the wicked things i hear on the news and pondering on them until i thought well if people are just harming other what is to come of me? Will I become that monster? Will I lose my mind/control and hurt someone i love? Or may not even know? I began searching online for how I was feeling, and i found out it's OCD. Reading that my thoughts and feelings actually had a name comforted me and that i wasn't alone so I could deal with it better. However, last week when i started school I began to become slightly paranoid. Like if i had a water bottle in my bag, but left it unzipped i felt like someone slipped something in my drink, and so ill go crazy but it wasn't severe thoughts if that makes sense. After the weekend came and i started to feel like i can't trust my boyfriend, best friend, or my sister with making me food or leaving my drink around them i know it'd got worse. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown.. Anyone that ca relate or give me some advice??
Posted 8/13/2015 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hello!

I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. That is awful and yes even though there are bad people out there, there are so many good people. In fact, the good always outweights the bad!!

Yes, I can totally relate to what you are going through. Back in the beginning of June I had a huge panick attack and as a result, I started to have VERY bad instrusive thoughts. Like I was going to go crazy and start hurting my family and friends. I even was scared to be around my daughter in fear that I might do something horrible. I still have these worries/thoughts but am slowly starting to come out of it with some medication, meditation, talking to a counselor, and time. I can assure you that you will not go crazy and these are all just symptoms of anixety possibly due to what has happened in your life. But the good news is that no body has gone "crazy" from anxiety. It will take time and maybe talking to someone will help and like you've done before, meditation and prayer.

But you're not alone. I no longer watch the news or even tv shows that I used to enjoy because of these instusive thoughts. Eventually I think I will get my life back to "normal" but in the mean time, I will do what I feel comfortable doing in order to get through this. I wish you luck and feel better knowing there are many people who suffer from these thoughts and feelings. (I take my drinking cups home from work because I'm afraid the cleaning guy is going to slip something in my cup!!!)
Posted 8/13/2015 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Wow Meeshy1 this really means so much to me to know that we can relate on so many levels! I have been seeking counseling, and trying to figure out which medication won't make me like a zombie, but just ease my mind.
Posted 8/13/2015 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, you are not alone, I promise. If you do go on any anti depressants for anxiety, I would recommend slow and low. Slowly work your way into them at a low dosage. My doctor put me on 20 mgs of Paxil from the start and I felt like a complete zombie. It was horrible. So he switched it to Lexapro at 5mg and now I'm up to 10mg. Much better. Xanax also helps when my mind won't stop thinking or racing and I just need a time out. But of course you and your doctor would know what's the best course of treatment :)

Those instruive thoughts are the worst. But the good news is because they are bothering us and making us uncomfortable, that means we aren't in harm of doing any of those nasty things that pops into our head. They are just thoughts brought on by anxiety!
Posted 8/13/2015 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome tr4y, I'm happy you found us but sorry you are dealing with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. This is an awesome community that cares and understands what it is like to live with anxiety so I hope you stick around and we can support you thru your journey.

I too have had intrusive thoughts, I think nearly everyone with anxiety has at some point to another, some worse then others but it isn't abnormal. The important thing to do is to get into therapy as this will help you deal with your intrusive thoughts and teach you ways of getting rid of them.

Here is a link to a workbook for intrusive thoughts and OCD that is in our resource section, take a look at it and see if you think it will help you.

Self Help Printable Work Book for OCD and Intrusive Thoughts

www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/obsessioncompulsion.asp

Again, Welcome. Post whenever you need too regardless if it is to ask a question, ask for support or simply to vent, we are here for you and we are listening. :)
Posted 8/13/2015 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
Just printed! Thank you so much. I really do plan sticking around the community the energy is great!
Posted 8/13/2015 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
Great I'm happy you printed it, and I do hope it helps you.

I'm happy to hear you are liking it here, it really is a fantastic community, I don't know what I would do without all the peeps here. :)
Posted 8/13/2015 5:15 PM (GMT 0)

Hello and welcome!

I am so glad you have found us, though sorry to hear of your challenges...I know how difficult it is to deal with anxiety and fearful thoughts. :(

The good news however, is that you are on your way to finding the help you need!  You are going to benefit so much from therapy, and once you find the right Rx for you!

You have been given some great advice already, so I am just going to add a couple more links from our Resources here...the more tools you  have to choose from the better!

Here are some great exercises to lower overall stress levels.  Reducing the anxiety will help to control the intrusive/anxious thoughts.  Practicing these daily will make a difference!

http://www.stress-relief-exercises.com/

...and here are more Therapy Worksheets for working through intrusive/OCD thinking patterns.

Therapy Work Sheets:

http://www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm

Keep posting with us!  We understand, care and support if key.:)

Scaredy Cat


Posted 8/13/2015 8:22 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Scaredy Cat I'm excited to start this journey with you all!
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