Unknown Cause - please suggest.

Okay, I'd like to start off with a friendly hello to everyone on here! I am new. I am Brianna and I am 16 years old. And yes, I don't think America is home of the free anymore. Anyways, I have lots to discuss here, so please help me with anything you can.

Alright so, about a year and a half ago, I dated this boy named Jake. Jake is a very important part of my life. He was my best best friend before we started dating. we would always tell each other secrets and we would hang out together and enjoy eachother's company all together he time. When we started dating, it seemed like we entered a whole new level of friendship. It was Insane. I'm going to be really honest, our first 4-6 months were AMAMAZING because he made me one of together hehe happiest people alive.

Happiness eventually comes to an end though, so we started havin a little bit of problems towards the beginning of this year. But they were minor, not too huge. Jake was my first everything, which is also really crazy. I was his first everything too, but he did have a sort of weird past with a girl he dated for only 3 months or so.

Anyways, so we broke up in may as an agreement. We both agreed to break up and "separate" (not really). Turns out that we still kissed sometimes and hugged and we still did that kinky crap sometimes.

So, towards the end of June, I slept over and we smoked together. I did have a little panic attack but I calmed down and it subsided and we enjoyed the night. (I normally always sleep over). So the next morning, I wake up and start having heart palpations. I freak out and say I need to go home. I went home and cried and my parents said it was like it was in a coma that whole week that went by. I wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, all I would do is cry. I honestly had no clue why.

So this went on for a month. On and off obviously, but then I figured out it might be anxiety. I never in my life had anxiety EVER. I didn't know how to react to It or anything. I went to the doctors twice and they said everything Is normal. I hooked up with the therapist at the doctors and she was kinda speechless. She didn't really answer my questions. she kinda went along with the young love concept and stuff.

My sleeping has been Improving but not by much. My eating is Improving but I just need some advice of some sort. He wants me to come over and cuddle with him. No sex or anything. but whenever I go over, I feel my anxiety kick in and I just want to enjoy being with him again. How do I overcome this? Please will someone guide me? I'm helpless and I want to see him without feeling like this :(

Hi Bri and welcome,

I am sorry that you are currently experiencing this anxiety. I know how difficult it is, so know that you are not alone.

I do second Hibee's advice of seeking further help for your issues. Can you talk with your school counselor for example, to see if there are services through your school/district that could help. There could be a group that meets with peers that are going through similar circumstances. How about your church? Many pastors are available for counseling.

I think for now, you would be wise to stay out of this or any relationship or involvement with a guy...and concentrate on getting better and working on your education.

You are worth it, and while relationships are important...they should be something that enhances your life...not defines your happiness, or worse, takes away from it...and makes you feel awful/anxious. (I am not trying to tell you what or what not to do...just speaking as an older female here!)

We do have great coping skills here in our Resources (see link below) to help you get started in lowering your anxiety...until you can get the one-on-one help that you need. Check the list out, and try the Stress Relieveing Exercises and meditations...as well as anything else that looks helpful to you.

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

Continue to post with us if you find it helpful. We understand, care and are here for your support.

Scaredy Cat

Bri,

I think what D.S. means to say, is that it is easy to fall back into a physical relationship when you are continuing to go over there...

...and this can have its risks...

Better to focus on YOU, and getting better, feeling your best possible mentally and physically...

...and continuing to become the STRONG successful young woman you know you can be!! :)

S.C.

Thanks S.C. Yes that is kinda what I'm trying to get across.

Hi there Bri,

I remember my first serious romantic relationship as well -- it's a life-changer, to say the least. So many new and exciting feelings and experiences while things are going well, but when things end, it's a whole new set of feelings and experiences that aren't nearly as pleasant -- and can certainly induce severe anxiety. (I could barely eat, sleep, or function for a couple weeks after my first break-up since the sadness and anxiety was so intense.)

The good news is -- things do get better with time. (I know it's a cliché, but it's also true 😉) I found a lot of comfort in confiding in mature and supportive friends who loved me. They let me talk and cry as I needed to process things. There is also a lot of benefit to be had from consulting a professional about your anxiety symptoms.

I am sending positive thoughts your way and reminding you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!