Posted 8/25/2015 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Everyone,
I do deeply apologize for not being around, my life is just upside down atm and I don't even know what way is up anymore. The Anxiety is fighting me regardless of what technique I use and I've tried them all, over and over again. I don't have any benzo's so I mostly just suffer with it.
So what is going on? Well I don't even know where to start, lol.
I'll start with my oldest son, he was homeless for nearly 2 weeks. He was living my my other son and they got into a fight and he kicked him out, well my son stayed in a camp ground even though I told him he could stay on our sofa. Well even though my son has a great job and makes good money, is a retired vet and over all just a great person that would help anyone he could. He couldn't find a place to live because of a bad relationship he was in a year ago with a very abusive woman twice his age. Well not getting into that cause it is over with, but he has a misdemeanor assault on his record. And because of that NO ONE would rent to him. We called a few dozen places and they all said no. Well he finally found a place with alot of begging and pleading last Monday, so now that stress is over with. I was gone just about everyday helping him, so I wasn't around to even be on the computer much.
Now my middle son, well he is recently in a new relationship as about 6 weeks ago. He moved her in (after kicking my other son out) within 3 weeks. I still have NOT met her, he will not bring her home, she works nights and he works days so I understand it is hard, but I don't think he is trying very hard. She also has 2 kids, a 3 month old and a 4 year old. Well my son is taking the daddy role fantastic and adores her kids, he has always been good with kids. However, everytime he talks to me he complains about his new girlfriend, so much so that I don't have a very good opinion of her now and I was really trying to keep a open mind. I asked him more then once why he was even with her and he says he doesn't know. Well then she posted on facebook the other day updating their status and it said THEY ARE ENGAGED!!!! My son NEVER told me, never even hinted it, and I was dumbfounded, considering my son hasn't even been in a relationship in 4 or 5 years . So I call him, he says he can't talk about it now that the baby needs a bottle, well this was 5 days ago and I still have not heard from him. I am heart broken beyond belief.
Okay, Now my youngest son (also the dad to my grandson). He is usually the one that causes me so much stress but things for him have changed and he is doing great, no stress for me, YaY. He recently started his own business and is doing so good for himself, he has worked nearly everyday for a month, after not working for over 6 months. He recently scored a annual contract for power washing one of the major TW News Stations here, and I couldn't be prouder of him.
However, I am still mad at him for not fighting for my grandson. The time has come to go to every other weekend and I am not dealing with it very well. In fact now that I am writing this I am crying once again. We had him for 11 days, and he went back to his mom's last saturday, I cried for 2 or 3 hours afterwards, gave myself a giant headache. I already miss my monkey so much and it is killing me, I watched him daily after he was born for 2 years until my son and his ex divorced and then it has been every other week for the past 3 years, and now it is going to just 4 days a month. We have such a close bond it is unreal and I'm so scared I'm going to lose that now. Anyway, going to stop about that now since I can't see thru the tears to proof read what I am typing.
Now my parents, I don't talk about this much, but I live with them and have for the past 8 years. I do all the errands for both my parents, all phone calls and business stuff and all the shopping, I also cook dinner every night. I would just once like a thank you but I don't ever get it. Lately they are both *****ing alot, mostly my mom. She is extremely unhealthy and is miserable and her mission is to make everyone else as miserable as she is, she *****es about EVERYTHING AND MEAN EVERYTHING. It is too much for me, with everything else I have going on atm, but I have NO choice. I have zero income and I am not ready to become a burden on one of my kids yet and my parents need me and I feel obligated to help them.
Lastly, my health. It seems since getting sick last month it has been one thing after another, now I've got eye floaters super bad and it is making it very hard to see let alone read anything. I try to color my coloring book and I can't see to stay in the lines. It all came on suddenly about a week ago, I emailed my doctor last night, she should be replying soon. Besides that I am in a ton of pain lately, nothing works to make it better.
So that is why I haven't been around, and that isn't even everything but is the most important stuff. I'm sorry this is so long, I knew it would be. If you read it all, Thank You!
I'm off now, going to go answer a few posts.