OMG ...... now Im worried I have HIV ... : (

I've been a regular on this forum for over a year , I always find myself suffering from an intense period of anxiety , then Im Ok for a few weeks , but after that something else comes up and the anxiety starts all over .

My life is pretty crap to be honest , I dont have much friends and my situation atm isnt the greatest .
The past couple months I rented a few escorts , just to help me out with these tough times , I was looking for love in all the wrong places and I was very desperate .

I know have serious serious regret about sleeping with the escorts . The last one I slept with was October 31 , last saturday .

Heres the basic story and how everything happened .

We met up at her motel , we kisses a bit , no real hardcore french kissing but just a few peeks on the lips . ALL the sex we did was covered , we did that 2 times and I always looked down just to make sure the condom was still on . Condom never came off

She did give me a bj without a condom thou ..... I went to my sexual health clinic last year and the lady I spoke with said there's a very very minimal chance of getting HIV through oral sex .

I REGRET my decision soo much , omg if only I could go back and never call up these escorts .

Now Im worried sick if I caught something from her . Heres just a summary of all

- We kissed on the lips but not crazy
- ALL sex was covered with condom
- She gave me many bj's without a condom

The reason why Im really worried is because this lady had LOW RESTRICTIONS on her ad , she was basically up for whatever the guy wanted .

I spoke with her few times and she told me shes clean and gets tested every 2 weeks but alot of escorts lie .
We actually got along well and she was nice and we talked alot about her personal stuff , I paid her for half hour but she let me stay for 2 hours .

I called her up again and said I wanted to see her again but I would feel better if I saw her tests results first .
She told me shes getting tested this thursday and the results should be in on tuesday .

She told me shes clean many times but darn , all these escort girls lie like crazy . There wasn't really a sexual category in here so this is the only place I could post my question ..... ughh I was doing soo good now this comes up and Im panicking

Small edit made to bring in line with forum rules

Post Edited By Moderator (Hibee) : 11/3/2015 6:35:16 AM (GMT-7)

Hi mLuciej,

I agree with Hibee that you should be getting tested regularly as part of your health management and for peace of mind.

I don't think you have reason to worry unecessarily. However, to keep your risk as low as possible, a condom should be worn for ANY sexual act to reduce your chance of contracting an STD.

Use your coping skills to get you through this time until you can get a clean bill of health.

I am sending you encouragement regarding your current situation. I hope that you will see a turn around soon. Managing your anxiety, and getting out to meet people will help you to feel your best. Looking to get involved with groups, or special interest classes/activities can help you to stay distracted, reach out and connect/create new relationships.

Stay posting with us as well. We are here for support.

S.C.

keep strong. see the doc.

Waiting is really hard! I know I have anxiety while waiting for answers or results regarding health issues especially.

For now, you must assume that all is well...because besides the anxiety trying to tell you otherwise...there is no reason to believe you've been exposed.

...and you have a better chance at being perfectly fine than not! Keep positive, so you don't end up worrying for nothing!

Know we are sending good thoughts.

S.C.

Update :

I went to a sexual health clinic on Wednesday . The lady who I spoke with actually remembered me from my visit last year .

I explained to her my situation , what happened , who I did it with , etc , etc . And she told me that my chances of getting HIV is very very low since we had protected vaginal sex . And she told me HIV cannot be transmitted through oral sex or kissing . I gave a urine test to check for chlamydiae or gonorrhea , and should get a phone call next week If something comes up .

However , Im pretty sure I caught some STD , since couple days ago when I went to urinate I felt a burning sensation , I felt a burning feeling the first 2 times . Then later in the day as I was at the mall and went to the bathroom to pee , I noticed some pus discharge coming out of my penis and recently have been getting an odor smell from my penis .

And just a few hours ago I've been getting some dry eyes and having to blink multiple times .

I really dont want to do any research on symptoms because Im scared of what I'll find . I prob have chlamydiae or gonorrhea ,but the lady I spoke with told me its not a deadly virus , I would be given free medicine from the clinic and usually would fix it in a week .

My biggest fear and worry is if I caught HIV . The escort I met up with told me she had low restrictions and gave oral sex without a condom and gave guys the options of having unprotected sex without a condom , this really freaked me out .

Im hopinggg there was not a little hole in the condom when we did vaginal sex ... omg

Hey

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Don't be too hard on yourself, no one is perfect and we all commit mistakes. We shouldn't ponder long on the problem and start immediately with the solutions.

Whatever your findings may be I'm sure there's already a solution for it. Try and be positive about it. Our immune system works better when we are also psychologically stable so don't panic. You've been doing all the best things to do so far. Just keep doing it and I'm sure you'll be fine.

@Scaredy Cat

Thanks for the encouraging words : )
You do a great job running this community , I've been on a few different forums the past week while dealing with my HIV scare and some of those forums were not as welcoming or helpful . I really appreciate the work you do here and you helped me out alot with my other issues in the past .


@JulesKanter

Thanks , I really hope I'll be fine . I pray alot and ask God for this one more chance . Im def Not going to be calling up escorts again ! even thou my life is pathetic and horrible , I will better myself in every way possible , have a good life and get more girls and a nice girlfriend ! Paying an escort to pretend to love me is not the way for me , I feel cheap and I do not feel like a real man ,


@AnxiousTexan

Thanks for the positive words my friend , everyone has been telling me Im low risk and should be fine , lets Hope so , I pray to God everything is alright : )


UPDATE :

Its been over 3 weeks since my encounter so I guess I'll go and get a test done ... Lets hope it all goes well , oh boy , at work I was a mess today but I try and control my emotions . I've noticed that my mind is very very powerful , so I can feel symptoms that I dont even have with my anxious mindset .

Hi

I to believe that you are going to be fine double up on your coping skills to help deal with the extra anxiety and keep us posted we are here for you.

Hibee

You will...you'll get past this worry...

...and be able to branch out, meet new people, and perhaps even form the romantic relationship you are seeking.:)

How about doing some research on singles groups that meet for outings and adventures...as a start? :)

They meet and do all sorts of fun activities. There is no pressure, like with a blind date...and who knows?

Here for you with encouragement...keep trying with the coping skills...it get easier with practice! Update soon.:)

S.C.