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Lost my sister and feeling lost

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 1/3/2016 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
So my sister finally lost her battle with cancer on new year's eve. It is so much harder than I thought it would be to accept this. I know she is no longer in pain but i still miss her terribly.

I tell my older son the news and he says, ok mom just know she is in a much better place and don't start having anxiety attacks or anything - just be ok with it - life goes on. hmmmm, easier said than done. i haven't shown anyone any anxiety and thought i was handling everything until yesterday when i had to start going through boxes of pictures for a slide show tuesday. it's like i'm in fight or flight mode and i'm not trying to feel this way. ugh people don't get it that it's not something you choose to feel like. you can choose to not get past it though - i get that. i haven't cried a lot (i'm sure this will happen tuesday) but when i do i actually feel better - i'm just not really a crier. i'm sure it would help if i was. woke up with a bad headache and a few pvcs because i'm dealing with pms too which is awesome!!! not!!!

anyway, if anyone has any good advice on how to get through this anxiety free, feel free to share. ha i'm sure it's impossible. i haven't taken any klonopin except for 1/2 when i found out. it didn't do much.

geez, i didn't want her to be in pain but i miss her sooooo much!!! hug your loved ones - you just never know. i saw her tuesday and was going to head back over again the day she died. she was not in a good mood and in so much pain. broke my heart that i stayed away from her kind of to let her sleep instead of talked to her more. :(
Posted 1/3/2016 7:27 PM (GMT 0)
I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. It does not sound to me like you are reacting in any sort of inappropriate or dysfunctional way. Sadness, a rush of emotions, some regrets, anxiety (for those of us who are prone to that), are all to be expected when you lose a loved one. Time is a great healer, of course, but this is very recent. My advice is do not expect too much of yourself. Do not criticize or question yourself for feeling whatever you are feeling. And don't feel like you have to appear a certain way to others. Losing your sister is a big deal, and you are entitled to a period of mourning and sadness. You will heal, but you will do it on your terms and on your schedule.

Grief counseling is available if you feel like you need it. But you may not.

One last piece of advice: try not to isolate yourself. Being around others, and staying busy, is a good thing.
Posted 1/3/2016 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry to hear that. Grief, anxiety & sadness are all normal emotions during times like this. Try to be compassionate with yourself and allow yourself to feel all of your feelings.

Your son could have chosen more gentle words.

Take care.
Posted 1/3/2016 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
My dear friend, I am truly sorry for your loss :(((

I don't know what works in those situations (nothing seemed to work when I lost my father) but don't give up and continue with your breathing methods for relieving anxiety symptoms.

And let it be if it doesn't work. You have a very right to have lots of anxiety and pain. Do not push yourself and blame yourself.
As mentioned above, feel all of your feelings fully and show them to others.

I hope you feel better soon <3
Posted 1/3/2016 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Hazel,

I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I know you want to avoid anxiety as much as possible, but unfortunately I think now is a time to just feel all the feels, regardless of whether they're uncomfortable or not.

Do what you need to do to cope and try to remember that your sister is finally at peace. As you told her story it always sounded to me like she was bottling her pain up and struggling with the reality of her illness. Hopefully now her mind and body have been restored and she is in a good place.

Sending you hugs during this difficult time.
Posted 1/3/2016 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
H.N.

...we've been touching base through fb and messanger...and please know that you can reach out anytime you need to my friend.

All my lines are open, anytime for you.

With thoughts, compassion, prayers and comfort,

S.C.
Posted 1/4/2016 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
What an awesome bunch of people you all are, the perfect medicine for each other. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 1/4/2016 5:01 AM (GMT 0)
my sincere condolences.
Posted 1/4/2016 9:05 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear this news my thoughts are with you and the family.

We are here for you.

Hibee
Posted 1/4/2016 11:56 AM (GMT 0)
Hazel,

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I thought about you and your sister often and am so sad to hear of her passing. Sending big hugs your way. ❤️
Posted 1/4/2016 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so very sorry, Hazel.

I'll be praying that you and your family will be able to find peace.
Posted 1/4/2016 2:15 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry to hear this Hazel... I lost my mother to cancer and the only thing I can offer is just try to keep your head above water the best you can. I don't think there is a way to get through it anxiety free, but you will get through it!
Posted 1/5/2016 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hazel,
My heart aches for you and your family. Praying for strength for you and your loved ones during this difficult time. I'm so sorry...
Extending my deepest condolences.
Posted 1/5/2016 8:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hazel,

I am so sorry that you lost your sister. When I lost my uncle I completely fell apart. I was crying and depressed and anxious the list goes on and on about how I felt. This is all normal. Yes your sister is at peace and that is a beautiful thing. The fact that we must go on and go through this is not. I will tell you what I did and I hope that it help you.

The first week after his death: I felt it all and I allowed myself some space to do so. I felt the pain, the anxiety, the putty for myself, the joy of knowing him and the heartbreak and anger over losing him.

Day 8: I got out of bed and promised him that I would be happy and think of only the good things that happen for us while he was here.

Day 9: I talked to my counselor about my loss. Just to get it out of my system.

Day 10: I woke up and cried and then I cried because of a happy memory.

I went on like this for some time, we never really get over a loss, but it gets easier everyday. My uncle has been gone for almost 4 years and I still smile and cry but it's because I loved him and miss him here. This is normal. Feel your loss hun, it's ok.
Posted 1/6/2016 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
thank you guys so much - your kind words mean so much :)

there are so many if onlys - if only i would have known it was the last time i would see her if only i would have talked to her more that last day - if only i would have spilled my heart more to her even though she didn't want to be emotional - if only we could have found a cure for her - but i will try to be at peace with all of our time spent together and that she is no longer in pain.
Posted 1/6/2016 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
HN,

She knows how much you love her...and you did and said just the right things. Have no what-ifs or regrets...because you were the perfect sister and support for her when she needed you.

It looked like a beautiful service, with the police escort and all of the love and support shown to your family!

Now with the quiet time after all of the activity...things could be tough...

Reach out to your family and keep everyone close. Talk about things that need to be said...

...or just be there together with hugs and tears if that is what's necessary.

I am continuing to keep you all in thoughts and prayers!

S.C.
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