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Thoughts on giving up

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Posted 2/10/2016 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
This past week i've been having overwhelming feelings of my self down the road and where i'll be. I feel like I might take my life and its really scaring me. One side of my brain knows that its not the thing to do and I'll be honest, I don't want to do it. The other side of me that is plagued by this onslaught of anxiety, ocd, depression, is really getting the better of me. I feel like this is how my life is going to be for the rest of time and its really painting an ugly picture. I'm still on 10mg of lexapro and will be talking to my pdoc about the situation. Has anyone else had these thoughts and did they pass for you? Its very uncomfortable to feel like my life might end.

Aloha,

AK
Posted 2/10/2016 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Aloha,

So sorry you are experiencing these unpleasant thoughts. I have all of the conditions you mentioned, and experience very similar thoughts.

Have you noticed any improvement with lexapro?
Posted 2/10/2016 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
Also, did you have thoughts about ending your life before starting the lexapro because sometimes these medications can increase this. Also, how long have you had these thoughts for?
Posted 2/10/2016 5:06 AM (GMT 0)
AK,

I am so sorry to hear you are still struggling...yes, things are difficult now, but know that there is always hope!

The thing about S thoughts is that they can override rational thinking and that is why you must always reach out for help when they come up.

I would be remiss if I did not post the following. Please call and get the help that you need. If not tonight...then at least get an urgent appointment with your P-doc first thing tomorrow.


National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)


S.C.
Posted 2/10/2016 5:23 AM (GMT 0)
Prior to lexapro I never had these kind of thoughts.

@SC thank you for the links, i wouldnt consider myself in that bad of a place at the moment but im not dumb enough to end it. Im just anxious about my future, not so much about doing anything at this very moment.

Aloha,

AK
Posted 2/10/2016 9:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hi AK

How you feeling today?

I quite often have those feelings and when I do I know people that I can talk to about them which I feel is really important because if you bottle these feelings up they become a much bigger problem so when ever you feel like that feel free to contact me by email you will find it in my profile and it's always open to members.

Keep us posted we are here for you.

Hibee
Posted 2/10/2016 11:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi AK!

I am sorry you are going through this, it is really tough.

From time to time I get caught by the feeling of despair and I feel like I really don't want to continue my life like this. I don't necessarily think of ending my life but feeling frustration and despair is real and always there. And these can easily drag you down to a bottomless pit.

Such feelings on the other hand give me small amount of strength to control my fears better.
Maybe you can use it to gain a bit strength?

what I mean is, if something pushes you through a thick wall, will you get squished there or break the wall and set yourself free. Squishing (ending life) is an option, as well as breaking the obstacles and take control with the help of therapy. I am pretty sure you are a fighter :)

You can use this type of despair to set yourself free. You can say now, I have the power to beat my disorders. They are treatable, you CAN do it.

I hope you feel better soon <3
Posted 2/10/2016 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi AK,

I think it is SO important that you notify you p-doc right away. You said that you did not have these thoughts prior to Lexapro and that is HUGE! You may just need to simply switch meds, a S thoughts can be a side effect of so many antidepressants.

I have personally never had these thoughts, but when things get really bad, I try to look outside and see the beauty around me. Smell the air, look at the colors, eat something you love and really be mindful of every bite! Just things to remind you of how much you appreciate life!

Hang in there and let us know what your p-doc says. I would be sort of shocked if there isn't a Med switch in your future.
Posted 2/10/2016 3:01 PM (GMT 0)

Park12 said...

I think it is SO important that you notify you p-doc right away. You said that you did not have these thoughts prior to Lexapro and that is HUGE!

I agree.

We all react differently to medications.

Many medications can cause S thoughts, with or without depression. It's a very odd and yet very disconcerting when you know you are not depressed, but feel S. I have experienced this quite a few times due to medications.

Please contact your Dr. ASAP.
Posted 2/10/2016 3:55 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with the other posters; please let your doctor know about these new thoughts you are experiencing.
Posted 2/11/2016 5:10 AM (GMT 0)

alohaknown said...
This past week i've been having overwhelming feelings of my self down the road and where i'll be. I feel like I might take my life and its really scaring me. One side of my brain knows that its not the thing to do and I'll be honest, I don't want to do it. The other side of me that is plagued by this onslaught of anxiety, ocd, depression, is really getting the better of me. I feel like this is how my life is going to be for the rest of time and its really painting an ugly picture. I'm still on 10mg of lexapro and will be talking to my pdoc about the situation. Has anyone else had these thoughts and did they pass for you? Its very uncomfortable to feel like my life might end.

Aloha,

AK

So, I have a bit of a different take on the big S in your situation for the simple reason that you said,:

"One side of my brain knows that its not the thing to do and I'll be honest, I don't want to do it. "

I have gone through the same thought process, when my anxiety is at it's worst, I find that my brain will "go there". And just like you, I don't WANT to do it, but just the "thought" about it is terrifying.

The thing that you need to remember is, it is JUST a thought. It doesn't mean it's true, or real or need to be acted on.

You have an anxious brain, anxious brains like to find the scariest possible situation and make it "feel" as if there is a real danger, when they's not. You are bothered because you HAVE the thought. And you think that HAVING the thought means something. It doesn't.

You can notice the thought. Say to yourself, "yup, there it is again. I will let it pass" and just go on with your day. When the thought comes up again, repeat. Don't judge it, just notice it, acknowledge it then do something else, like on of the grounding techniques that Scaredy posted below.

I posted this link last month, but I think it will really help you understand how the anxious brain finds a scary thought and just digs it's teeth into it and holds on. The person in the podcast doesn't obsess about harming himself, but harming others. He doesn't "want" to hurt others and most likely never will, but the thought itself causes him such severe anxiety that he was crippled by it.

The podcast is about a subset of OCD called "Pure O" (my ROCD is another version of it), let me know if this helps or makes sense at all.

http://www.npr.org/podcasts/510307/invisibilia

Its the Secret History of Thoughts episode, from 1/8/2015

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, I know it's terrifying but you are more than your thoughts. Your thoughts cannot hurt you.

Take care.
a
Posted 2/11/2016 6:39 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry your going through this , it could deff be a side effect of the Lexapro so doc asap.
As for your questions about others experience well idk if it's the same but there was a time when I was really down and I lived on the top floor, I was scared to go out on my deck because for some reason I felt like I would jump, I didn't want to in any way it was some weird fear I had from a random thought one particular bad day and it just continued on, until it disappeared. I can sit out here fine now, but I always found it a strange thing and scary
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