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Posted 2/25/2016 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone! TKBG back in the house ha ha!

It's been a while since I posted. Mostly because I have been feeling pretty good. I have my good days and bad days. Then a few days are rough and then it goes away. I think I have gotten it into my head now that acceptance and floating with anxiety is key to overcoming this. I do take 20 mg of Lexapro and 1 mg of Klonopin 2x per day. So far that has worked and I have been pretty stable. Hopefully one day it will be gone forever or at least a bit more under control. But if I compare where I am now to where I was 4-5 months ago, it's night and day.

4-5 months ago I thought I wasn't going to make it. I literally felt like I was going crazy. But thankfully with medication, a great therapist, my family, very understanding coworkers and a great boss, I am somewhat back to normal. I would say I'm still not 100%. I'm working on getting there. But I still have things I need to do to get there.

Anyway, the strangest thing happened to me on Tuesday. I woke up feeling great, listened to music on my commute to work, had a great day at work, etc..but then as I am walking to my car after leaving the office, I feel a little bit of a dizzy spell. That one dizzy spell and the intrusive thoughts of "oh no my anxiety is back", set me back and I have now had 2 days of chest pains, jitters, the off balance feeling, and well just feeling crummy.

On top of that my little boy (10 months) is sick with a bad cold so seeing him like that just bums me out.

I have been watching what I eat a lot more, although establishing an exercise routine has still been a bit difficult for me. I feel like I have what I would call light agoraphobia. I'm fine driving to and from work (1 hour commute) and being at the office, driving to church, etc...but the weekends are tough for me, because I have no set routine. And when my anxiety was at it's worse months ago, I tried to go for a run and even though I made it through my run, I had a panic attack when I got back. I have been able to go back to kickboxing training a few times, but havent been back in like a month now.

I know I need to get back into a regular exercise routine but it still causes me anxiety. Also, when I'm feeling like I am today, the weekends are tough because I want to do things with my wife and kid but the change in routine makes me not want to leave the house.

All of these feelings I mention come and go. I have been more active lately. But right now after my dizzy spell on Tuesday, I'm feeling a bit scared and hopeless again. I know it's just another setback but I guess what bothers me is that it came out of absolutely no where. It was one small quick dizzy spell and an intrusive thought and now I'm feeling like crap....I know it will go away, it always has. But anxiety is just so ruthless...just when you are feeling good and feel like things are returning to normal it drags you back down and tricks you into thinking things will go bad.

Make no mistake, I will beat this set back too, but am feeling a bit sad and scared at the moment. I have been doing my mindfullness again as I had stopped doing it for a while. Hopefully that resource and continuing on with my nutrition and getting a bit more exercise will get me back on track quickly.

Anyway thanks for listening as always guys. This was really a post just to update you guys and let you know I'm still here like all of you fighting the fight. But things ARE getting better. So those of you that are going through the worst parts of your anxiety at the moment should know that it WILL pass. It always does. Hang in there.
Posted 2/26/2016 12:33 AM (GMT 0)
I have yet to get my anxiety and other issues under control but I will say "this too shall pass". I'm not on any medication (yet, been on a journey to find the right one but in no rush) and I'm not sure how my anxiety compares to yours, but even without medication, I have good days and bad days and then those extremely rough days you've mentioned. I see a therapist once every other week, and she is (thankfully) accessible through email and phone. We've been practicing CBT and while I thought it wasn't going to help me much, I now find myself resorting to what I've learned and helping myself to either stop or minimize panic attacks. Early last month, I was afraid to even leave my house because of how crippling my anxiety was. After bad reactions to 2 SSRI's, I decided to give my body (and brain) a break. The past month has been a roller coaster. One day I'm very energetic, a bit more optimistic and less anxious (keyword here is less).

Some days I wake up in full panic. My chest will hurt all day and my throat will feel tight and lumpy, all my muscles are tense and tingling. I would usually have horrible thoughts on those rough days. CBT is teaching me not to ruminate, not to obsess (hardest part for me as I love to "research") and most importantly — to breath! No, the breathing doesn't always work the way it should but it is nice to focus on something other than feeling miserable. I know that your rough days will pass. In the meantime, focus on turning any negative energy into positive energy that you can spend on taking care of your babe. I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter who is a handful. And if you start to feel overwhelmed, do not be afraid to ask for help. Best wishes to you.
Posted 2/26/2016 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
hang in there guys. just knowing it will pass is key. i had the same experience this past 2 weeks. started with dizzy -then anxiety and depression. thankfully didnt affect my sleep. thats when you know you have real trouble. anyway 2 weeks on stjons wort and i am back to what passes for normal. we all will have bumps along the road. we have to accecpt this and deal as best we can
Posted 2/26/2016 5:31 AM (GMT 0)
TKBG,

So glad to hear that you have been doing well in general!! This little detour won't hold you back from your progress.

Know that it is a normal thing to have occasional symptoms and temporary setbacks...we all do.

We are cheering you on towards getting back on track and not letting this get in your way.

Keep up the good work, and update when you can,

S.C.
Posted 2/27/2016 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
I have been in your shoes numerous times. Some days I feel like my old self then other days I am anxiety ridden and barely want to leave my bed. I noticed that taking walks outside really helps. Also maybe you should consider CBT, it helped me a lot especially dealing with physical symptoms that plague me when I am anxious.
Posted 2/28/2016 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah totally get it, that quick dizzy spell that can put you into a tailspin...happened to me many times, including recently. I've often wondered if I have some sort of inner ear / eye coordination issue, but whatever it is, anxiety seems to follow. Floating past has been the best strategy for me, but even that is not a cure all. Just think my nerves are overly sensitive...like described in Claire Weekes book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves."

And as silly as it sounds, I intentionally let my mind go to the worst option, like I'm going to pass out or die, and almost immediately the anxiety lessens or goes away. It's a total mind game sometimes.
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