Anxiety - HIV .. Swollen lymph node .... Pimple ?? Soo Scared

I posted here a few times in the past and this forum has been a great help for me .

At this time in my life Im in a very bad position , zero friends , never had a gf , I just turned 24 and living with my parents , doesnt seem like anything is going well for me .

Now I have another HIV scare ..... Im looking for love in all the wrong places , all I want is a nice loyal gf who will also be my best friend .

So on Feb 12 I met this lady outside a mall , we chatted , exchanged numbers and in 2 weeks she invited me I over to her place . I kind of had a good feeling it would be for sex , Im kind of desperate nowadays because I dont have a gf and as a young man in my 20's it drives me crazy . I was excited to finally get some , so I head over to her place and spend a few hours .

Im sorry if I go into too much detail but I feel if Im 100% honest then I can get the most helpful advice .
Everything was protected , she gave me a little oral with condom on and mostly vaginal sex with condom on .
There was also alot of deep kissing .

She was in her 30's and told me she had quite a few sexual partners , what worried me the most is when I met her - her eyes had a light yellowish color to them , Im afraid the yellowish eyes might be HIV related .

The next day I had a small stuffy nose / minor cold because I was walking outside alot without a hat or scarf and it was -30 degrees , took my medicine and went away after couple days .

Today on Feb 25 , I noticed a little bump under my ear , I was worried it was a swollen lymph node , so I check it out , touch it and then I squeezed it and realized it was just a cyst or pimple with some liquid .

I then looked in the mirror to see how it looked and was shocked to see another bump above that one behind my ear , now Im certain this is a swollen lymph node . I googled images and it def is . I got soo scared and paranoid .

I had a HIV scare few months ago and did alot of research and a swollen lymph node is usually a very early sign of HIV infection . Its been 2 weeks since the encounter and Im hesitating , I know its a bad idea but I did research online trying to figure it out .

I read somewhere that if it was a HIV infection then I would have multiple swollen lymph nodes all over but I only have One behind my ear , right above where the pimple was . For about 2 days I was squeezing and draining the pimple and I scratched off the scab , it kinda hurts to touch .


I wish there was a sub forum for Sexually transmitted disease questions here , I tried going on other forums but not alot of help and people seem really rude .

Im going to go to my sexual health clinic tmr and have some counselling with them , I might even head over to my doctor after to get his opinion .

I cannot imagine my life if I became HIV positive , that would kill me , it would make my parents cry and my dream of ever getting a gf would not be possible . I keep making stupid mistakes but Im soo lonely and depressed - I really hope this swollen lymph node is just from the pimple I popped underneath .

If anyone has any advice / info on this situation on swollen lymph nodes , please share - Im open to all advice and thoughts and anything would help .

Sorry for the long post guys , I pray I dont have to make another post like this anymore . Thanks and God Bless you All .

Post Edited (mLuciej) : 2/25/2016 9:28:44 PM (GMT-7)

OMGG : ( ........ :(

Its 3:32 am as Im writing this , I just recently woke up from trouble sleeping , I do feel like I have some night sweats , my stomach is also hurting , Oh Boy ,,,, is this the beginning of the end for me ?

I cannot believe it - I feel like Im going to puke , I feel some pain on my left side where the pimple is

Thanks for the kind Scaredy Cat , Im really hoping this is just my anxiety and nothing relating to HIV

Hey Scaredy Cat

I cant believe what situations I find myself in , it seems like every 2-3 months something new comes up.

May - June 2014 - My first STD scare
Sept - November 2014 - My Allergic reaction , visited the ER many times
Dec - April 2015 - Massive headaches , visited the ER many times
Summer 2015- Major Depression
October - December 2015 - HIV Scare
Sept - Dec 2015 - Felt heart problems , went to ER many times
Feb 2016 - HIV scare

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I went to the sexual health clinic today at 9 am .... I explained to them my situation . The lady I got was not very helpful , she was low energy , boring and did not make me feel any better to be honest . When Im in these tough times I like to speak with someone whos bubbly and positive . I was there before and wanted to speak with the lady I always see but she was away . After my meeting I asked if it was possible to speak with another lady , I just did not feel a connection with this lady .

So new lady comes in and shes great , we start talking and I explain my situation . She seemed very convinced I was at low risk and the things Im experiencing now are just a bug or cold .
The swollen lymph node she believes is due to the pimple I popped right under .

I was terrified when I woke up this morning at 3:30 am , I kind of convinced myself hey this is it , I have the disease now I have to live with it . After I spoke with the lady she brought a doctor in to chat with me . And the doctor was honest and told me Anxiety is destroying my life . She looked at my symptoms and I explained to her what I did and she did not seem too concerned .

To be honest thou - Im still a bit worried because my stomach feels bad , I have some diarrhea problems and bit loss of appetite . This morning I also noticed my tongue was very white / pale ..... Im still scared , the only way I can be 100% sure is if I get tested at 3 months , those 3 month tests are conclusive .

Seems crazy but I've been on this forum for 2 years now , time just flies by and its eye opening looking back at my other threads and experiencing how much pain I was going through at the time .

Thanks guys , wish me luck

Thanks Scaredy Cat .... Im trying really hard to stay positive and not think about this .

What worries me the most is my loss of appetite the past few days , I stepped on the scale today and lost around 4 lbs the past week ... I just dont feel like eating and not sure if this is anxiety related .

I read many threads where people had all hiv symptoms but ended up testing negative ... I guess my mind is just looking for symptoms and linking them all together . Oh boy , I can get tested on May 12 ( 3 months after ) and that will be conclusive , waiting game now

Hey ML, as long as you used a condom and it didn't break I'll bet a ton of money you're fine. And even if it did break and she were positive, your risk would be very low for a one-time exposure. HIV is a fragile virus and is not that easily transmitted. Sadly I've had many experiences over the years and done the whole play by play replay in my head which has not been helpful. I've remained HIV neg and I'm sure you are too!

Sounds extremely low risk to me. It's good that you used protection, and that you're very conscious about staying safe.

As for the cyst/pimple... like SC, and others said, even the slightest of things could cause it. Just leave it alone, and it should resolve soon!

No worries mate I have been down the same road myself last year and totally convinced myself that I had HIV so know what you are going through.

Hibee

ML,

Sounds like cystic acne to me...very common, and not at all unusual in creases such as behind the ear.

I think since you are worried about your specific fear, you are likely 'looking' (subconsciously) for things...such as these little bumps...which you are likely to have had before without taking note of them.

Try not to worry, and re-read through this thread. 100% of us responding agree that you had as safe an encounter as possible (outside of a monogamous relationship) and do not need to be concerned about exposure. :)

S.C.