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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 3/3/2016 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
I have a great life. A wonderful fiancé, a beautiful daughter, and loving family members. So why do I feel like the only thing missing is ME?! This anxiety/depression has caused such a disturbance in my once happy and carefree life. I pray every day that I will wake up and feel a little better, but no matter what I do, nothing works for me. I'm trying my hardest, I really am. I wish that my doctors could see that as much as I do. I ask God all the time "WHY?!" What did I do wrong to deserve feeling like this. Why can't I be normal? I so badly want to feel better but I feel like my doctors don't even take me seriously anymore. They must know what this feels like, right? Like every breath you take will be your last? I know I am letting my family down, especially my daughter who is so smart and radiant, she deserves the best mom in the world. I used to feel like the best mom. Now I feel worthless. I'm so anxious, sad, and tired all the time. I can't even get out of bed to play with her. I have continuously looked for the silver lining. There has to be a reason why I am going through this? Honestly, after almost 3 months of near-constant suffering, I should feel at least a little better, not worse. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just needed to vent. Thanks for anyone who reads/responds. May the rest of your day fly by with ease.
Posted 3/3/2016 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Please try and think positive you are normal. I know it's hard to hear but the anxiety makes us feel like this you will pull through sometimes we get rough spots and it takes time to get back to being you. Are you taking any meds?
Posted 3/3/2016 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
Pretty kittay - It is so difficult to squeeze any positive thoughts into my mind. I am not currently on anything except for a low dose of Ativan, which is no longer helping me. I've tried a couple of SSRI's, both with rotten side effects. It doesn't help that I have health/medication anxiety on top of everything. Honestly, I was feeling pretty good last month with low doses of Ativan and CBT, but then I woke up with this swollen throat and its caused a complete downward spiral. I have read about Globus, and thought that might be it, but several days ago I felt something scraping against one of my tonsils, looked back there and saw part of my throat (my epiglottis) was sticking out. This is new to me so I think it is causing a lot of extra anxiety, which in turn causes the depression. My doctor is not returning any of my calls or messages, normally she is pretty good about that but I think she might be sick of me.
Posted 3/3/2016 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
I understand totally!!! I don't take meds anymore besides a Xanax when needed. Don't google stuff online worst thing you can do Trust me I know.
Posted 3/3/2016 1:46 AM (GMT 0)
Pretty kittay - I am horrible when it comes to googling things. But sometimes it is the only thing that can stop my racing thoughts. I haven't had a great medical past and I have a hard time trusting doctors and medications, but I know I need them. Honestly, I think I am more depressed than I thought I was and I plan on mentioning this to my doctor, if only she'd return my phone calls. In the meantime, I am trying to distract myself and remain calm. Sometimes it's difficult to stop the garbage thoughts from popping into my head. Today has just been a rough day.
Posted 3/3/2016 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
AD,

I am so sorry you had a tough day. We all get in that place from time to time.

However, know and trust it is temporary. ..and part of the recovery process. Once you clear this challenge, you'll be stronger than before!

It sounds like you have one of the 'monster' viruses that seem to be prevalent this season. It seems to drag on and on, and keeps coming up with new and 'fun' symptoms right? I am sure that is what's going on with your throat.

Give it time...and do the same with the anxiety progress.

With time and work on your self help regimen, you will get there.

Keep the positive mantras on a loop in your thinking. You don't have to believe it at first...you just have to keep it up. It WILL start to sink in, and even make changes in the brain's chemistry in time...fighting anxiety and depression. (studies have proven this!)

Be encouraged, there is hope!

S.C.
Posted 3/3/2016 4:57 AM (GMT 0)
S.C. - Thank you. I really needed to hear that positive reinforcement. I do have a sinus infection and some reflux issues so I think they are both taking a toll on me physically, which in turn, does some mental damage as well. I'm currently snuggled in bed with my fiancé and daughter, sipping on some warm sleepy tea. I know things will get better. They have to get better. I just need to get everything under control, even if it means having these really low days. I am still alive and breathing, so there is hope.
Posted 3/3/2016 6:00 AM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel, I've been there.. To tell you honestly, i have been depressed since lat yr. My anxiety is on the roof everyday. My heart palpitation is racing like crazy.. I thought im going crazy. But with the help of this forum esp SC it made me more stronger.. I make my self busy, i listen to music, reading my devotional book, i do exercise even just 10 minutes it helps, i dont stay in my bed longer when i woke up in the morning, the more i get busy i forgot what i feel, i know its hard to do but you have to force yourself. What makes me feel better too is to cry to my husband and share to him what i really feel inside. Or sometimes i talk to myself. anxiety is sucks.. This is just temporary.. You will feel better soon. Do the breathing exercise.. Keep drinking water. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts 😘😊
Posted 3/3/2016 8:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there,

I know that beeing anxious all the time can deff make you depressed or vice versa I have the same issue though I don't know which came first, guess it doesn't matter too much. I relate to sometimes go ogling something is the only thing that makes ur worry stop I am the same, but really it's a terrible thing to do lol I seen I funny joke the other day about if WebMD was a guy, his answer to everything was a terrible diesease =/ anyways do you have a family doctor or a psychologist? If it's just a regular doc that's not calling you back mabye u can try a psychologist? They sometimes are more understanding. You can get through it! And you will feel better . Hugs
Posted 3/3/2016 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
Bik31 - This forum has been extremely helpful to me, I am glad I found it because not only is this a great support system, but there is a lot of useful information. I do try to get busy myself. Normally it's helpful to be distracted. I think my depression is at an all time high right now, which is making it difficult to pull myself out of bed. I know I have to, it's just hard. I was chronically tired/in pain before the panic attacks/anxiety/depression started, so these feelings are intensified. I always feel a little better after talking to my fiancé about how I feel. He's been through all this (doing great on Zoloft since July) so he can always relate and comfort me. Thank you for your positivity ☺️

Sarakt - Googling things has done a lot of good for me, but right now it's just not helpful. Wish I could stop. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist, but it's my primary doc that prescribes all my meds. I'm on State insurance so I'm not sure how to go about getting a psychologist because I need a referral from my primary for any specialist I see. I also just got something in the mail stating that beginning April 1st, they (my insurance) are changing their mental health program. Basically, if you're already enrolled in treatment (which I am) you just stick with it and finish it out, but if you are new to treatment, they pick the whole team for you.
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