Bipolar, depression, anxiety and anger

Hi

Welcome to the forum you will find good support here from others who can relate to what you are going through so stick with us so we can help support you.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment it sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment. We have some good links in our resources which you will find on the main page first post for some useful links to self help which will help with your anxiety and depression. Have you heard of Mindfulness Meditation? I do it and find it works wonders I also have a close friend with bipolar and she swears by it to so might be worth looking into. Are you on any medication?

Hibee

Okay for one, you are not a bad mother. You are indeed special in their lives and even though they might not realize it yet, but one day they will. Sometimes kids can be selfish, but you are doing ALL you can to be a good mom, the fact that you care so much already makes you a good mom. . I really started showing I appreciated my mom after 19 years old.. Which I wish I started doing sooner. I always thought she was a nag but I loved her to death and love her for nagging me back than but never told her that before. I hope your kids either apologized or will come trough soon, I understand you need support and even though you might not have it from family or friends.. You do have a close group of people that know how you feel which is something that bonds us all together and helps us fight through this. Look, nothing lasts forever... Bad times will pass and good times will come. You don't need to do anything so drastic like starting to think about suicide again. It is not your fault you are feeling like this! It's okay to feel weak and depressed and like you are stuck in a rut. You feel it's bad right now, but it's bound to go up from here. It just has to. You only have good things to look forward too. I don't know you but you are caring and I care about you. I feel like you are strong, you made it this far you can make it further and start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Always here to chat,

Dog.

Hello also I'm new here myself. Remember Don't always listen to you're kids. Sometimes they say things they know will have an effect. True or not. I must say ur post really caught my heart. I remember telling my mom many years ago that I hated her because I wanted my way. I believe in God. Not sure of your views about God but my heart goes out to you. I regret those times more than anything now that she's not here anymore.
You have alot to deal with way more than most) I would think anyone would be frustrated and a little angry I think, it must not seem fair for you. Again my heart goes out to you and your children... xxxhuggs to you.


Dee

Post Edited (crittergal) : 4/4/2016 6:38:00 AM (GMT-6)

Thank you everyone for all your feed back. It makes me feel a little better knowing that people do listen. @ Larry I guess I really don't know what normal is in my life. I struggle everyday with my 3 kids I feel horrible putting them through my mood swings. It's not there fault. I am worried that I'm screwing them up with how my mental illness is. Especially my little girl whom is 5 and is even more difficult to handle then my 15 year old and 6 year old sons put together.
The last 6 years of my life have completely spiraled out of control. In 2002 I met my son Chris's father it was kind of a fast paced thing we didn't really take the test to get to know each other. Anyways within about a week or 2 of us dating I ended up pregnant with our son. We were together for 8 months during these 8 months I was super moody seeing how at this time it was before my diagnosis of bipolar, depression and anxiety. We fought constantly well the day I went into labor my ex was off I found out sleeping with his whatever the hell excuse my language she was I gave birth to my son by myself.
The next day he had the nerve to bring her to the hospital. Anyways so I flipped about that... I find out a week after I gave birth him n her got married me still under the impression we were together.. So I ended it kinda. He cheated on her with me a few times. A few years past he ended up doing a prison stretch ( yep I know your going to ask what the hell was I thinking) I wasn't that's the thing... We kept in contact pretty much the 6 years he was in he made silly promises and like the gulible person I was I listened so he got in 2012 and we got back together everything was all great I wanted to do family pictures ect ect ect well he refused so I caught him on line talking with other females and yes his ex wife played a huge factor in all of this. Every time he would come visit me I would feel like his dirty secret. In Nov of 2013 we had a huge arguement due to him not only taking a picture with a female but her hand was resting on his knee i completely lost it the night I tried to commit suicide I downed 3/4 bottle of bendryl pill form. Anyways I ended up in the hospital. One thing that stuck with me is there was this one guy that looked at me and said when you woke up i n the hospital were you mad or glad and I thought about it he told me because when he woke up he was angry I told him no actually I was sad because I almost took my life over something that was not worth it. My kids almost lost there mother over a guy. All I could is is shake my head. Anyways. So I get out of the hospital and stayed strong for a while even with him chattering in my ear about wanting to be back together. And I stayed strong and this girl that him n I worked with knew how I felt about him anyways to make a long story short he ended up with her I stayed to myself. I keep telling my friend I do have I want closure I still hurt everyday from all the hurt he caused me. So come to find out he has put 5 women all together in the mental hospital in the last 6 months. What kind of person does this to women? Needless to say I may not be over him but I will never get back with him. I do however still want the closure I'm needing I don't know how to get it... I just want to know why he hurt me like he did....
As far as a psych doctor I had one but we didn't click and he was an ass I guess I never really Sat down to look for another one I just have been totally depressed I just don't know where to start. Anyways thanks for reading....

Thank you very much.

I don't know how to start loving myself.....
With all the things that's happened in my life and all the wrong I've done in my eyes I don't feel like I'm worth being loved.
Who is going to love someone like me with all my mental issues I must be doing something wrong in my relationships because I always end up alone.

Post Edited (Sasamiking79) : 4/5/2016 1:47:09 AM (GMT-6)

Understand how hard it is to love yourself, especially when you suffer from mental issues like we do. However, I think it is really key. You are probably putting non-stop pressure on yourself in conscious and subconscious ways, the latter of which you don't even realize.

For me to love myself and see that I'm a human like "normal people", I took an approach that was in a book I read. Basically, I had to take time to identify those fleeting moments of joy we all have on a daily basis which slip past our consiousness like teflon (2 second glance at pretty clouds as we walk or look out the window; 3 seconds of birds chirping; a few seconds of a nice spring breeze against your skin; etc). When I experienced those nice things, I made my brain pause on those nice feelings for like 20-30 seconds. After practicing this for a while, my mind started to notice and even seek out those good experiences. I genuinely started to feel good about myself in general and realize how much ingrained anxiety and negativity was floating around in my noggin. The book said our brains are like velcro for negative things and teflon for good things...even the mere perception of negativity can stay with us a long while. That's why we have to practice...it's like working out.

What small (or big) things do you enjoy periodically or even daily that you can seize on?