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Warning: sexual abuse

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Posted 4/7/2016 7:47 PM (GMT 0)
As some of you may alredy know,i am stuggling with anxiety and SO-OCD. I have never actually had homosexual feelings, however i am scared i will start having them.

Just recently, i have began to reaise that what i thought was normal as a child may have actually been molestation.

Since i was 5 years old until turned 9 or so, whenever i would visit my grandma, she wouldvery often act affectinate toards me, but not in a conventonal way.

In the evenings, she would very often slide hr hans up my thighs and touch me... THere. Also, she would touch my breasts or kiss me in inapropriate places. I thought that was just out of love but m starting to think its not normal.

She would watch me when i took shower sometimes as well

Also, i hae heard sevral studies stating this ind of child sexual abuse can hange ones sexuality later on. As i said, i have always been heterosexual but i am very scared this experience could change me in the future. Thoughts?
Posted 4/7/2016 8:03 PM (GMT 0)
Yikes. Totally inappropriate. If she's still in a position to abuse other kids, you may want to talk to the cops.

I personally feel that our sexuality is a reflection of who we really are. Nothing can make us homosexual, just as nothing can make us heterosexual. Wherever you land, just know that there is no 'wrong' or 'right', there just 'is'.

Just enjoy being you, Regina.
Posted 4/7/2016 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
R.,

I am so sorry to hear this.

I agree with the above advice...that authorities need to be notified if there is any further risk to any other children...

...in addition, I would also encourage you to talk with any siblings and/or cousins about what you remember experiencing. ..to see if there were others who went through the same.

I think that with this recent realization, and your current struggles and concerns regarding SO and OCD...that you would benefit from talking to your therapist specifically about these issues.

At times our subconscious speaks very clearly to us about the things we need to address and heal from...and it is likely no coincidence that these memories are coming to you now in connection with the anxiety.

With compassion,

S.C.
Posted 4/7/2016 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
TMI
Posted 4/8/2016 12:02 AM (GMT 0)
She did include a disclaimer in her title!

Members are here to share in a safe environment...and something of this nature, (while naturally upsetting to some)...is valid and at times the root cause of an individual's anxiety.

Superdan, if this material is upsetting to you...I would suggest in the future you avoid reading the posts with such warnings in the title.

S.C.
Posted 4/8/2016 3:48 AM (GMT 0)
Regina, stop worrying about your future problems and concentrate on now, these troubling remembrances are not what has formed you, so don't let it take any real control now, millions of children have had similar experiences with no effect on who they turn out to be as an adult.
I do not condone what happened to you but it is not who you are! If the person is still taking care of
children then confide in your most trusted members of family or your therapist, but above all
Forgive the offence and move on with your life, you will be attracted to what attracts you same as most people as some have said, "your future is more important than your past". Peace

Larry ***
Posted 4/8/2016 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
Regina,

Similar situation to you and I'm as straight as they come, rest assured you are you.
Posted 4/8/2016 4:18 AM (GMT 0)
Regina, one more thing, a friend would not try to seduce you, if they really cared they would be sensitive to your fears and concerns, also you need to really lock on to this, even if you were "talked"
into such a relationship it would not mean your were truly gay, lots of people for one reason or another
mostly drinking have taken a step in this direction/experimentation it does not change who you are!
Stick to your guns on this, its a decision no one should push you or anyone else into. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 4/8/2016 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with all above, I say you talk to other cousin/siblings and ask if they also experienced something similar. This may help. As others already said, let family members know about it if this person is still taking care of other kids in family.

Also yes, This is not a matter of how you will "turn" into something, it's a matter of you resolving this issue you have experienced when you were a kid.
I think your fears are caused by this experience in the core of the matter. This is causing you to fear what you are feeling right now.

Try focusing on resolving this matter first. Do not escape and do not try to forget.

We are here for you <3
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