Here is another piece to my story

And I pray I am not judged or perceived any different this gives me anxiety. But if I am going to be a voice of help I have to start somewhere, imagine a person who greatest fear isn't understanding why we are born just to die. And since the age of 14 is one in millions that have thanatophobia, not a easy thing to live with there are good years and then there are bad ones. I was doing good coping, learning to enjoy life a little more I was still dealing with and to this day I still deal with depression severe right now. I am back in a place like 2013 taking ativan just to get through the day, Thursday I became so overwhelmed in fear I just kept hearing why don't you just end it all already and was so overwhelmed I called the police and requested to go to hospital. My heart rate was super high they say I got tacnacardia however you spell it, my blood pressure became extremely high at this point I was just like still upset and a lot of emotional stress. This year has been hard already my sister died, and then here comes the Big kicker no one knows and I live in secret with about a month after. I was diagnosed with HIV😩 to add to it, it was intentionally done to me by someone who knew their status and when I asked him to use protection he said he didn't have anything and manipulated me into not using protection. I am not on medication at this time with fear of all the toxic mess they have in it, over 30 something medicines and no cure this piss me off after all these years they continue to make life saving drugs as they say. But for some odd reason no cure, I don't like it at all so that just added to my fears and anxiety again no one knows but two people. And I am so scared to tell anyone else afraid of stigma, and if people will start to treat me badly are be afraid of me I have so much knowledge after my diagnoses it is sad I didn't know as much then. People are still after many years are afraid to talk about Hiv, like it is a germ one can easily catch. This took a lot out of me and my first time doing something like this, got to start somewhere and I pray no judgment zone this still is and know I am still the same Soul now just with a even bigger fight.

Oh Soul, I am so very sorry to read this news.

...and no, no judgement, only love and support.

Please consider getting on a cocktail. It will only help you! It keeps the viral load numbers low, and delays the progression into AIDS.

Many people have lived normal healthy lives while HIV positive, and you can too! This is not something you need to hide or fear.

Thank you so much for sharing with us so we can surround you with support. We are here for you. You are going to be alright.

Please see about joining a support group and getting some resources and help for this specifically. I am sorry that our HIV forum is no more...

...but there are plenty of others...and some local to you that you can reach out to!

With much love and prayers and support my friend...keep posting and always feel accepted and not judged here amongst your friends.

S.C.

I still Love you Dawn, always will.

I have a friend in the business world who has full aids, he has known for over 30 years, i know he
takes medicine of some kind but i dont know what. He has no signs of the virus. "Peace"

Larry ***

Hi Soul
Who are we to judge you my dear..only God can judge us. This is your second home. You are not forced to tell anyone right now..just take your time. When you ready you can tell your parents or someone close to you
Hugs !

Much love to you. I am proud of you for taking the step and sharing that with us here. No judgment at all. We are here for you.

Dear Soul,

I am so sad to read your news. I hope you can feel the love and caring coming from the group. It must be difficult to add this additional burden to your already difficult time. Keep reaching out and finding people to support you. I know there are still square people who don't understand HIV, but there are also a ton of them who do know they can't catch it casually.

I agree with SC about looking into a local support group. So many people are battling this and just as I have found support and encouragement in groups for mental illness, I think you could find support and encouragement in an HIV group. I'm sure you are not the only one suffering anxiety, depression, and fear with HIV.

I am praying for your healing of the thyroid problem and your health (mental and physical) in general. I believe very much in the power of prayers. Keep letting us know how you are doing. May you wake up with relief after sharing the burden of your secret diagnosis.