Goodnight everyone…..I really need some kind words

Hello everyone Im posting tonight cause its a bad one for me. Again I suffer from anxiety attacks that have been strong in the past…Id say a year now. As some of you have read my post in the past Ive had the attacks pretty much my sole life and after a hard break up two years ago and a false diagnosis with added stress it all came to a boil and this time around Im having a REALLY hard time dealing with it this time around. I really don't know what to do. I work and come home and do the same time over and over. I hate having days off cause Im so board and I'm so alone. By that I mean no girlfriend. I have a family and Im extremely grateful for every one of them. Im just not happy Im really not at all.

Its more like I feel as if Ill never get better and Im starting to loose hope. Id never harm myself but man this depressed feeling is starting to make me feel so crappy. My mind even at this moment is all over I can't really explain it at all. like I said i go to work and I joke with co-workers and talk with everyone and if anyone where to ask them they'd defiantly say Im a happy person. I have been happy in the past and Ive had a good life but is that over?? can I be happy again?? why do I have to deal with this again?? how did I get over it the other times?? Im not gonna lie this is so hard and I feel like I can't stop having negative thoughts…..like for example I was listening to sad songs last night and Im feel ing this way again…

It not the anxiety that Im worried about I can deal….I have been my whole life and even tho its super hard I know what it is and it goes away. Its the depression that follows the attacks thats really hard to deal with and I have no choice but to. The time is I don't want this and maybe thats why I'm so worry this time around.

I met some girls over the internet and one I went on a few dates and she really liked me…she wanted something more and I was just not feeling it at all…she was pretty and a great person but I wasn't feeling the situation like she was. She wanted me to come to her place and before it escalated I told her how I felt and didnt want to use her for just "one thing" so I did the right thing and now Im thinking…man will I ever connect with a girl again??? I mean really will I??? I want to come home to someone not just my parents I want to feel good and happy again but at this time I feel like I never will. I feel like Im coasting and life is just passing by. Im 32 and I never thought Id be in this position in life.

I thought I had my anxiety kicked and I was past it and then it came back..Im full of negative thoughts and Im stuck thinking this will never get better. I don't know where to start I really don't.
I do have a family that loves me like Ive said I have cousins that love me and my parents adore me. so Why can't I just be happy with that?? Im all over the place….I think I need therapy I think I need meds and I think I just need help in the worst way. will this get better??

I have one last question…I dated her for 4 years and we've been broken up for 2 is it normal for me to be not over it?

I know Im ranting and for that I'm sorry but Im hurting and need kind words

Goodnight all and I know how you all feel Im one of you and I hope we all find peace and happiness and clam.
My love to all

Frank, i lost my high-school sweet heart, we were "i thought" everything to each other, i went to the Army 14 days after graduation, after one month the letters stopped, i went home three months later
and she was pregnant and married to someone else, that was in 1960, I still have dreams of her, when
i wake up i roll over toward my Wife of 50 years and Thank God i was dumped.
Time heals all wounds, stop dwelling on this negative experience and learn to live again and yes you
will, you will live and love again, pull your big boy pants up and put it in God's hands, gee at 32
your just merging out of puberty, i hope i'm not upsetting you but i saw thousands of guys in the Military get dumped some were even Married, it hurts yes, but the best part of your life is ahead, Peace
Larry ***

Sometimes it is hard to take that first step when we have sunk into to a low spot...I have been there myself.

But if I can encourage you to just do your best to make one small starter move...

...and then another, and another...

You might be surprised how much progress you can make again.:)

Keep posting and we'll do our best to keep you encouraged!

S.C.

Franki, have you ever had a friend a really good friend and they moved away, or maybe you moved it
doesnt really matter, and then one day after several years you meet again and try to chat each other
up? "It was like talking to a stranger wasnt it", see thats just normal people grow and change every day and when not together they grow in different directions. You can't possibly feel like you did several
years ago, you have changed, your older, more mature. My point is this, be yourself today what ever
that is ok, what you feel comfortable being or doing, you mentioned being the life of the party, "why",
was it because you felt the need to be liked so much you made yourself do and be things that may not
have really been who you wanted! This is just a suggestion ok, but nothing ever stays the same, life is
constantly changing and we do also. The girl i told you about i hooked back up with several years later
i tried to get that old zing but it just wasnt there, met a new girl and wow, I still got her, get into therapy, take the meds, you would if you had diabetes right, get off the couch and live, Peace
Larry ***

I do understand that, i never had trouble meeting girls or getting a date, guess its that "he's so ugly
he's cute thing". lol
Anyway i think your going to do fine, know this one thing, HW is pulling for you! Peace

Larry ***