This is my second post so I thought I would mention my other problems, this is embarrassing as hell!
When I was a teenager I was told on more than one occasion that I smelled not very nice, even tho I showered and still do at least 3 times a day. This happened regularly all through the years of growing up, although it really did bother me since I shower so much how can this be? It was happening too randomly and by random ppl that it couldn't be a coincidence. Although I never let it control me I found that it eventually led to me being very self conscious in my early 20s which then triggered a chain reaction of things that has spiralled out of control.
It led to me not wanting to be near ppl and I would avoid them at all costs, I gave up my job to work night time security so I could still have a job and be on my own with no interaction with others. Then I started thinking differently again about
things I could smell, is that coming from me? Oh no, it must be! It would be anything. So travelling one day I smelled something bad, which would most likely have been a farmers field just been sprayed and it was rotten, everyone in the car reacted to it and started making jokes about
each other, but it got me panicking so much, my guts started doing backflips and I thought oh no! I need to go to the loo RIGHT NOW!
This then started another huge and one of my current problems, what if I panic while out and I need the loo? What am I going to do? Well that was it, the end of travelling altogether for me and decided I would walk everywhere I could and I am ashamed to say that I have panicked so much I have had to go outside because I couldn't even hold it for say 5 more mins, my guts were telling me u need to go and u need to go NOW! I have tried lots of therapists, medications but in the end if I start thinking the wrong thing then within 2-5 mins I am done for, I have been with my missus since we were teenagers and it will be 20years in January, we have a12yo and an 18yo, she has stayed with me through thick and thin and I do tell her and anyone who will listen that she is my guardian angel and I don't deserve such commitment from her. Every year we make a train ride that lasts 5 hours each way and I can only go because I get enough diazepam to knock me out for the whole journey just so I can spend a week with my family in a different part of the country.
I had decided that I couldn't live with this any more, it wasn't fair that I was holding everyone back and with the fact I've had this for so long now with no progress I no longer saw that light at the end of the tunnel and it would be better for everyone if I just ended it. This was my lowest point until a family member was so worried they tried to get me sectioned, although I do realise that would be selfish on my part where my family are concerned I don't see an end to this nightmare.
Well that's the short version.