Posted 7/31/2016 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
rcg:
I've been in similar situations all...my...life.
As the youngest child, my older brother and dad attacked me verbally all the time.
My mother and older sister did the same thing, in indirect ways.
My wife did the same thing indirectly for years, and then the last 19 years of our marriage, after she got caught having an affair, attacked me directly for 19 years.
So, I now what it's like to be down, and to be attacked by a family member.
Oh, my brother, when he got married, verbally attacked his wife, just like he attacked me for decades, and after about 25 years, she left him.
She told my wife halfway through the marriage, "He criticizes me so much, I don't even have enough confidence to walk out the door."
My brother was a pathological criticizer. He had Anger Personality Disorder (always angry, you can find it on the net search engine).
He had also probably been sexually abused by our mother, who was sexually abused herself, and from that was possibly Borderline Personality Syndrome (also on the net search engine), so he had an enormous amount of pathology and anger.
Do you know what your husband's home life was like? Did his parents or siblings have emotional problems? Could be some inheritance, some life events. I think you should look into that.
You said,
"when I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown my anxiety and panic attacks have been so bad and I'm so depressed and my husband was yelling at me saying I don't try to overcome this and that I'm miserable and I told him that I wanted to go to an inpatient treatment center for a week and he said it'd be a waste because I'll just be the same exact person I leave and that I'm pretty much hopeless"
This guy also has a tremendous negative outlook, especially toward other people. He also seems very threatened that you might get better, and become stronger than he is. So, he may be an emotional 5 or 10 year old (from possible trauma at that age), who needs to keep you down so you can't rise up and be a threat to him.
You said,
"and I haven't eaten any nut product in like 4 years and my husband was yelling at me about saying I'm not allergic and he wiped peanut butter on me and I lost it. He said he's trying to help me get over my fears but when he yells and does childish things like that it makes it worse and now I can't get myself together"
He also seems sadistic. I have a severe reaction to noise, called hyperacusis, due to noise trauma. As soon as I told a next door neighbor about this about a month ago, about 10 days ago, she waited till she heard me to out into the backyard, and started screaming for 45 minutes, supposed into a phone, but there was no phone call.
I've had 3 other neighbors do that same thing in the past 8 years. It's human nature. While we living in modern housing, etc., we're still animals underneath. It's still the jungle out there.
And we're reminded of that every now and then. What helped me some years ago, was finding a col. on being positive when faced with a problem. I didn't know it, but uncon. I was neg. and that's why I couldn't solve problems.
Now I say before a problem, "Think positive..." over and over, trying to drive out the neg. Only then thinking of the problem, most of which are pretty simple to solve. Like, walk out the door.
I also now say to myself, "One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."
Were you raised negative? You're thinking tremendously negative, like I did for 40 years of my life, before I saw that col. on being positive before trying to solve a problem.
It didn't say, problems, are good. It said, the chances of solving them can be good, if we thinking positive going in to the problem.
I would say this, if you have no kids, I would slow down or stop any such plans. If you think it's rough now, wait till you have a kid, and he knows you won't leave because of the kid, and then he will triple his attacks, for he knows you won't leave because of the kid.
If you've got no kids, you've got no problem, lady. You can walk anytime you want to. If you've got no kid, he played his hate/attack card too soon. Normally they wait until after the first kid is born.
You don't have his permission to go for psychiatric help, to get a psychiatrist. You don't really want him in there, so it's good that he's not going.
Can you call and make an appt., with a psy., a male or female as you choose.
If you think he's going to try to stop you, just go to the appt. Don't tell him you're going. You're in a very dangerous situation. A lot depends on you making the right decisions.
If he tries to stop you, do you have any support? Can you call anyone in advance, and tell them what's going on, and get their support if he tries to stop you? Can someone else take you, if necessary?
If he can isolate you from others, this increases his chances to destroy you, which is what he's trying to do, in my opinion.
If you don't have help, count on yourself. Make the appt. and drive yourself there. And without his knowledge.
He's trying to convince you that you're worthless, so you'll be an easier victim. Don't believe him.
Or, looking for a helping hand? What about the one on the end of your arm?
Play like this is the most impt. game of your life. It is.
Let us know what's going on.
SOS