Hello everyone,
It's been a while since I have been on this forum but I just wanted to stop in and say hello. about
a year ago (almost to the day) I began experiencing extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and just overall thought I was losing my mind. My wife and I had 3 months prior to my episode had our first child and it seems like I got the post partum depression instead of my wife. If that is even possible. It has been a long, painful road, but I feel like I am getting back to who I was before all this hit.
I experienced my first bout with anxiety and depression about
12-13 years ago due to dealing with an illness. I was in my 20's living alone, and it just seemingly came out of nowhere. Anyway long story short I took Lexapro for about
10 years, got off it about
2 years ago and then about
a year after that my wife and I had our first and boom! Anxiety, depression, etc...came rushing back.
I have to say that this forum in many ways became my safe place. I have improved so much and a lot of the support I received came from the great people on this forum. If you are in a bad place right now, all I have to say from experience is the often repeated "this too shall pass" mantra. Things will get better. Anxiety is just incredibly scary during it's more acute stages.
I have had my ups and downs. I am currently back on Lexapro 20 mg and have been taking 2 mg of Klonopin ( 1mg in the morning and 1 at night) daily for a little under a year now.
I had a great job and the people there were incredibly supportive, unfortunately however I, along with about
25 other employees were laid off. When that happened, part of me felt the old feeling of anxiety coming back. My son is now 16 months old, I lost my health insurance, and now I find myself worrying incessantly again about
what I am going to do.
However, meditation, mindfullness, and just a new mentality regarding how to face the curveballs that life throws at you has helped me cope with my present situation. I start a new job August 16th, but for now it's temp-freelance with the possibility of being hired after the project is complete. So I am banking on being able to become a full employee after the contract is over.
The question I had for all of you has to do with something that happened to me last night. I have been feeling pretty good recently although I have of course been having more anxiety than usual because of everything that is going on around me. I tell myself that anyone in my situation would be anxious and that it is normal to feel the way I am feeling, as long as I don' let it get out of hand.
Yesterday as I made lunch for my son and myself, I started feeling intense stomach pains. It lasted roughly 3 hours or so. Shooting pains in my abdomen. I thought "this has to be something I ate". But honestly the pain was more intense then I remember feeling. I took an Alka Seltzer and the pain subsided. But I still have this dull ache in my lower right abdomen.
So what do I do? I look it up on Google. And immediately everything points to appendicitis. However, I haven't felt fever, nausea, had to vomit, and the pain hasn't gotten worse it's simply there and seems to come and go. But I kept reading Google...and before I knew it I had worked myself up into a terrible state. I kept thinking "how am I going to pay for an ER visit and an appendectomy?! I have no insurance!". So needless to say I didn't get a wink of sleep last night because of that.
I'm wondering now if my stomach ache is IBS or just gastritis brought on by the stress I have been under....or the fact that I haven't been eating too well lately. At this point Im doubting it's appendicitis because I'm sure the pain would have gotten worse and I would be feeling lots of other symptoms.
Anyway this whole situation last night just threw me into a small but no less scary anxious tail spin. Everything was going well and then this hit me. I am still anxious about
work, finances, etc...and well I'm just not entirely calm about
the job being a temp-to-hire position. I keep thinking "what if I suck", "what if they dont like me and decide not to bring me on full time". I would have to go back to the drawing board and I truly need this job for the stability of my family.
I know those are the typical "what if" and extreme thoughts we anxious folk often put ourselves through but yeah, I let it get to me last night. Kind of bothered me. Felt like I failed in letting my anxiety get the upper hand. Also, I have been wanting to get off my Klonopin but will probably wait until I have a stable job before attempting that since my anxiety is a bit higher at the moment. But I think reading all the horror stories I have read about
coming off Klonopin has also had me worried more than I should be. I know if I taper correctly I can minimize the withdrawal symptoms....but you just read such horrible stuff on the internet these days.
Which is why I once again say.....Thank God for this place.
I hope you are all well. A special hello to Scaredy Cat and Hibee who are two of the most incredible people in this place.
Post Edited (TheKickboxingGuy) : 8/5/2016 2:14:26 PM (GMT-6)