Made an appointment!

Oh bless you, always ask questions so you can always learn something new and cool! Please don't worry about it--my parents still don't really get what I'm doing/what I've done ("no, Mom, it's chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy--you know what, just say I study pain."). Putting a little science on something and help to make it more accessible and understandable is what I try to offer the community here.

And thank you, the support is what keeps me going.

Haha, you and me both!

Took zoloft with dinner, minimal nausea. Took a full 0.5mg of ativan before bed. Still woke up in a panic before dawn, thoughts racing, not sure how to space the meds to make them work like they're supposed to. Thank you for asking.

Sorry you had another tough morning. They do get better. Good luck tomorrow morning!

H.,

How much can your mom help out with resources for you? That would be great...the more tools an help the better...:)

I hope your appointment goes well, is productive...and results with good adjustments to your plan, so you can feel your best soon!

S.C.

My mother never practiced (her degree is from '80, I believe) but it's easy to talk to her about it all from an academic perspective. Things have changed a lot in the teaching, treatment, and perception of mental illness since her day so my condition is updating her and her old-school knowledge gives me perspective. I am the first in my family to (knowingly) suffer from mental illness/anything outside of the neurological norm, though we have some experience as close family friends have suffered from schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, Parkinson's, and a number of other disorders and diseases. She considers my ordeal small potatoes by comparison without belittling and takes everything in stride.

My condition confuses my dad, but it's mostly concern because he has no frame of reference. He tries to make it make sense but is rarely successful.

My greatest concern is explaining my numerous steppings-out for doctor's appointments to people in my lab. I plan to just be vague and say that I have a chronic condition I am just getting a handle on and my medication makes me feel ill and requires lots of professional help in the beginning. I am eternally grateful that I have access to such good health-care (including psychiatric) through my graduate program. I just wish I didn't work the same hours as the doctors!

Afternoon everyone,

Morning was extremely rough. Zero motivation to get out of bed. Felt like death. I had a relatively good night. Only got up once to be sick at 4am, but managed to doze until alarm at 6:30. I had to take a few minutes just to collect myself; everything felt so heavy, physically and mentally. It's really scary because I am normally an extremely motivated and energetic person.

I took my 25mg of zoloft with as much dinner as I could stand and a full dose of ativan along with a zantac/ranitidine (antacid for ulcers) right before bed with milk and a few bites of cottage cheese. I will repeat this because I just had lunch and actually WANTED my lunch and ate all of it, which I have not done in over a month. I'm a little shakey in general. Gave myself a needlestick (thankfully just saline and not mystery drug C) but otherwise feeling pretty chipper, all things considered.

My research is in chronic nerve pain and I have even greater empathy for the people we're trying to help than ever before. Even if it's not life-threatening, anything that makes every day even just a liiiiiittle bit harder and definitely quality-of-life threatening.

Blech. Ever onward.

So I feel like a million bucks,.

I ate breakfast for the first time in forever and even though I still have insomnia, I think however little bit better I'm feeling now is magnified by how crap I felt before. Can't tell if benzodiazepine high or just generally feeling like a human being.

I have a re-check with the doctor at some point this week and counseling tomorrow morning. I'll be seeing a psych at some point but the current diagnosis is GAD and OCD. The uncertainty of my schedule doesn't bother me and I'm just learning to roll with it. I feel as close to myself as I have in an outrageously long time. I got home last night and before I could say anything, my mother said, "You look a lot better. Like a lot better."

Score one for better living through modern chemistry! I hope the zoloft settles into a good maintenance drug.

Outstanding! So happy for you! Now you know that relief is possible. The first couple weeks are a roller coaster, so if you have a bad day, you can remember today and find some peace in that. You aren't sentenced for life :).

Hi Rspwed,

Thanks for asking. I still feel pretty good. I'm going up in dosage today so we'll see if that continues. My counselor lady gave me the all-clear to stop attending therapy and to just check in when needed. I felt like a completely different person when I talked to her today vs when I had a complete breakdown in her office two weeks ago.

Yeah, my life is stressful. I can't plan more than 24 hours in advance because my boss could phone/e-mail in an entire series of time-sensitive experiments I have to do ASAP in between school and just generally being alive. But medication, meditation, and self-awareness make it easier to at least pretend I have the serenity to go with the flow. How's it go? "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." Regardless of anyone's personal beliefs, I think this is something good to keep in mind.

The plan is to meet new people, find new and different kinds of friends, and get a snack. My increased appetite for life has increased my appetite for mozzarella sticks.

Cheers!

Still feeling good, Hadricat?

Well, glad you're still feeling okay. It buys time to consider those types of things, as opposed to the frantic search to end the misery. :)