3 and a half years of constant suffering.

Gonna keep this brief. 3 and a half years ago, out of nowhere at age 40, I suffered a panic attack. Then another and another and another. I then became symptomatic 24/7. I was tested for everything. Even Lyme disease which a Lyme doctor in USA said I had Lyme despite testing negative in Canada. And other than the initial panic attack, I had no previous symptoms of Lyme. But I took 3 months of antibiotics anyways. No change. I joined anxietycentre.com and have been in therapy for 3 years. I have tried several meds. Nothing has helped. I remain symptomatic 24/7. I never have a moment of comfort. Everyday is so difficult. I have constant vision issues. Everything seems dim and blurred. Night vision even worse. Constant headaches. Constant feeling of anxiety. Constant strange pressure in my head and behind my eyes.

I have been very accepting of these symptoms for quite some time which I am told is the road to recovery. But nothing has changed in my situation. Anyone else out there experience constant symptoms? How about constant vision issues? I'm looking to not feel so alone in this. It would help to know that someone else may have similar symptoms and it is indeed anxiety related so I can stop thinking it's something else. Enter yet, someone with similar symptoms that has seen improvement or recovered. It's difficult for me to accept as I don't have strange thoughts or phobias. I don't feel as though I'm a typical anxiety personality. I lived healthy and happy for 40 years before this presented.

Thanks so much for the response. So you had constant Blurry and dim vision as well? It's been 3 years for me with that symptom. Never gone away. In the first couple months, the whole thing was on and off. Since then, all my symptoms have been constant. For 3 and a half years. Despite all my efforts. I have been working hard for years on acceptance. Like the teachings of Jim Folk, Paul David and Claire Weeks and Dr Carbonelle. Truly moving on with life and not letting this dictate my days. Accepting that these feelings and symptoms are merely a natural response to my thoughts and behaviours, due to my fear of the disorder itself. I believe that's what keeps it going. I am not afraid of anything other than this disorder and how I feel. I believe I had that one panic attack due to being overly stressed at work, as well as a huge strain on my body physically working out twice daily, and training for a mountain bike race. I was too old (40) to be training that hard I think. I did too much and my body reacted. But the problem is it scared me so deeply that I went on a quest to find out what happened, and I became terrified of the way I felt. Still am to a degree. I believe this keeps the cycle going and keeps me in a state of hyperstimulation. I work so hard at acceptance and just allowing myself to live alongside it without judgement, but it's difficult when the symptoms are so prevalent and obtrusive. If I could somehow get to a spell where I saw some sort of improvement, even for a short while, It would give me the hope and assurance that this is indeed all caused by an anxious mind. But it's difficult to accept that my mind can cause this level of constant suffering.

How long did your constant vision and head issues persist? Not that I need to compare as we are all different. But I guess I'm looking for some kind of assurance that there was someone out there with something similar to what I am experiencing and it indeed turned out to be anxiety based.

Friday09 said...
Thanks so much for the response. So you had constant Blurry and dim vision as well? It's been 3 years for me with that symptom. Never gone away. In the first couple months, the whole thing was on and off. Since then, all my symptoms have been constant. For 3 and a half years. Despite all my efforts. I have been working hard for years on acceptance. Like the teachings of Jim Folk, Paul David and Claire Weeks and Dr Carbonelle. Truly moving on with life and not letting this dictate my days. Accepting that these feelings and symptoms are merely a natural response to my thoughts and behaviours, due to my fear of the disorder itself. I believe that's what keeps it going. I am not afraid of anything other than this disorder and how I feel. I believe I had that one panic attack due to being overly stressed at work, as well as a huge strain on my body physically working out twice daily, and training for a mountain bike race. I was too old (40) to be training that hard I think. I did too much and my body reacted. But the problem is it scared me so deeply that I went on a quest to find out what happened, and I became terrified of the way I felt. Still am to a degree. I believe this keeps the cycle going and keeps me in a state of hyperstimulation. I work so hard at acceptance and just allowing myself to live alongside it without judgement, but it's difficult when the symptoms are so prevalent and obtrusive. If I could somehow get to a spell where I saw some sort of improvement, even for a short while, It would give me the hope and assurance that this is indeed all caused by an anxious mind. But it's difficult to accept that my mind can cause this level of constant suffering.

How long did your constant vision and head issues persist? Not that I need to compare as we are all different. But I guess I'm looking for some kind of assurance that there was someone out there with something similar to what I am experiencing and it indeed turned out to be anxiety based.

Not a problem, happy I could help. I have come to acceptance that my symptoms are entirely anxiety related, I tried for months to find another cause but after plenty of blood work and MRI it is just anxiety. I too feel my life was the trigger, I was involved in a traumatic event in April 2015 and never really dealt with it. Combined with hating my job, working another job, working on my masters, I was overwhelmed.
The feelings we get can be terrifying but they are just feelings and nothing more. The cycle does get perpetuated by continuing to focus on these feelings and analyze them. When I stopped constantly analyzing and looking for answers my symptoms got noticeably better. When I am symptomatic I have the blurry dim vision and it sometimes will last all day, it is worse when I am inside and with brighter light. When I am outside it will feel disoriented or almost disassociated. It is annoying to say the least but I have learned to get past it and accept it at the time for what it is, part of my anxiety. Again, when I focused on it, it only got worse. It is a tough road that we are all on and I know the feeling of thinking about this happening all the time can be daunting but there are some success stories on here. Like Scaredy said, make sure you have a good P-doc to prescribe and really work hard on some CBT/DBT skills. Hopefully your therapist is doing that already with you but it may need some switching up.

Hi
Sorry to hear you have been struggling for so long...
I believe that changing the way we react to the anxiety is a big way forward rather than just accepting it.
I did tons of research into re training the mind , to be in the here and now, not thinking about yesterday and not worrying about what if or tomorrow.. If that makes sense.
Things can and do improve but it takes longer to rid the physical symptoms when your body has been on high alert for so long your body is so sensitive to every little feeling, twinge, ache, etc etc.

Although i now have calm mind .. I still get occaisional dizzyness, my focus can be really rubbish some days, and weird head sensations but i am working on that.

Some of the things i do include morning and evening progressive muscle relaxation, before i get up. Then i do a morning positive meditation usually a guided one as it keeps me focus if my mind wanders. Then while i am getting ready for work , I listen to 10 mins of positive affirmations with binuaral beats.

I eat healthy , drink more fluids than what i used to.... And i have had to learn to think of myself more and give myself lots of TLC. That was a hard thing to change as i was always running my self ragged to make sure everyone else was ok , in my private life and in my job... So i had to unlearn a lot of bad habits of skipping meals, not taking a break etc etc.

I now include at least 1 hour walking for pleasure at weekends. and i set myself a sleep programme where i make time to do meditation and affirmations after a bath and then read . all before a cut off point usually 11.30 where i now settle down for sleep to ensure i get the 8hrs my body needs to ensure i am firing on all cylinders the next day.
I did CBT self referal and it was brilliant to see my score at the end of a six week session. I started on the highest score of accute anxiety and finished on a score that was drastically lower....m

I do not take my eye off the ball now as i never want to go back to that high anxious state....so i would say that meditation and all the other tools i learnt along the journey will be a close companion to keep my mind and body in a good place....
I still get a little background anxiety occaisonally but now i know how to keep mindful it passes... and is getting less and less like the vision and foggy brain.

So there is hope for everyone , It takes a very strong person to deal with anxiety on a daily basis , at the time you dont feel strong.... but think about the rubbish and pressure that the mind and body goes through and we are still here... stronger than ever xxx
😊
Keep up the good work .. and remember you are amazing and
strong,