GAD controlling my life

Hi! I'm 18 years old and I suffer from panic disorder / generalized anxiety disorder, and of course, because of my luck, my body produces an abundant amount of adrenaline. I recently graduated from a vocational college and am currently looking for work. My anxiety is just controlling my life and I don't know what to do. I sleep in my moms bed, as it's just me and my mom. I was about to start sleeping alone, but three men tried to break in one night when we were both home, so of course my plan went out the window. Every morning my mom wakes up and takes me to my grandmas across town before work because I'm horrified of being alone. I'm terrified of being alone but I feel like I'm becoming a burden to my grandparents. They didn't retire to babysit me all day every day. I used to sleep all day long but I'm staying up all day to try to make it easier on them. Also I can't go to walmart anymore. I don't live in the nicest part of town, and every time me and my mom go to walmart, I get lightheaded and we have to leave. I have so many amazing plans for my life but I can't even function properly. I'm in this rut, where I hate myself, I'm a burden to my poor family, I still sleep with my mom, I can't go to the store, etc. I'm just terrified of being a 30 year old hermit who NEVER leaves the house, sleeps in her moms bed, never goes out or does things, and never does anything with her life. How am I supposed to progress? I asked my mom to drive down the street the other day so I could practice being alone, and I was on facetime with my friend for the whole ten or so minutes she was gone and only got a little anxious, but i'm not sure how it would've been had it been all day. If anyone can please help me I'd greatly appreciate it. I'd love to finally love myself, and finally be able to call myself a responsible adult.

Bump

Hello Draegon. You're name sounds familiar, like 'Dragon', mine also, my first name is Atom, lol. I read your post, and I think you have understandable apprehensions and anxieties, the attempted break in, the added stress of not being in a good neighborhood, alone with your mom, bona fide reasons to be on your guard, but maybe tell yourself not to be hyper-alert. I know hyper-alert very well, we're friends of a sort. You see I have PTSD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, with a dash of Illness Anxiety Disorder, they're my friends, but not necessarily of my choosing. Mostly from my past in the Army and stuff. I say 'past' intentionally, its an important word because the traumatic experience (like the attempted break in) is in the 'past', it has its place I suppose, like helping you. Now to be more aware of your surroundings, being somewhat on your guard, its a safety thing, and actually at your age, not being actually physically harmed its kind of helped you, its made you aware that the world is not always a nice place, and better to know it young and be cautious at times (like door locks and window locks, get a BIG Ol' Mean Junkyard Dog etc), but maybe not overboard cautious.
Sleeping with your mom sounds like part of your 'Tend & Befriend' response, while I have more of the 'Fight or Flight', which is typical of female / male responses. I have visits from Mr. Panic Disorder, the lightheadedness, headache that comes right after, not very fun. It can be difficult, but not impossible.

So quick update: My anxiety has been kind of under control this week. I was able to hang out with my friends all weekend without having a full blown panic attack !!! I did it!!

But today was different. It was about noon or one or so, and I was laying down watching youtube. My eyes were closed and I may or may not have been falling asleep, but I could still hear the video in the background, when I heard a noise in my head. The only thing I can relate it to is an alien spaceship (let your imagination wander. That's the only way I know to describe it) and it was super quick and it made me jolt, fully alert. I tried calming myself down for a few seconds when I made the mistake of googling it. The internet (of course) led me to schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is something that consumes my thoughts on a fairly regular basis. I have no family history of schizophrenia that I know of, or any history of severe mental illness other than anxiety, I am not delusional as far as I know (otherwise I'm sure my family would've noticed), these things happen very rarely and when I'm laying down. I know it's probably just hypogognic hallucinations (or however you spell it) but I still need some other outside sources to tell me that I'm not alone in this sensation. It's very scary for me and I want these intrusive thoughts to go away. Please tell me I'm not losing my mind.

Hey Draegon, I've had the same experiences, weird head 'zaps', lightheadedness, dizzy, it happens sometimes as I begin to fall asleep, but it doesn't happen very often. Scaredy Cat is right, this 'obsession; with heath and disorders, coupled with constant worrying, and the ability to research everything thing on 'Dr Google' can be maddening. Its difficult when you start looking up disorders because its so easy to 'match' your symptoms to like 20 different things that could be wrong....sounds like your GAD is on an elevator, up & down, need to learn breathing techniques, relax techniques, difficult stuff sometimes, but you can do it !

Hi D.,

I am so glad to hear that you've ben doing so well! Hugs and high fives for all of your accomplishments.😁

...and yes, your explanation about how you are experiencing and perceiving the anxiety currently makes sense to me.

As far as seeing things out of the corner of your eye? This is a common effect of stress, and something that should phase out with continued anxiety management skills.

Keep practicing those coping skills, and may things continue to go well for you!

S.C.