Such a Long Struggle

Almost 4 years ago, at the age of 41, I suffered a severe panic attack. Every single day since then I have been extremely symptomatic. My life was going great until that day. I was fit, happy, secure and never had a history of anxiety. Now I am in a constant state of suffering. I couldn't even imagine it could be so constant and persistant. I have been getting therapy from the Anxiety Centre for over 3 years. I am supposed to accept how I feel and truly be ok with it all, and that is apparently the road out. But I am unable to truly accept this constant feelings. My vision is distorted. I have a constant headache, pressure in my head, Derealization and constant feeling of panic. Those are constant 24/7. In addition, I get panic attacks, heart palps, stomach issues. Actually no sense listing, because I have experienced every single symptom ever listed.

I have tried 8 different SSRI's, benzos, Anti Psychotics and whatever else the docs have thrown at me. I have paid tens of thousands in therapy including CBT, ACT and even some pretty strange ones. I meditate, have reduced workload, changed my life, eliminated all sugars and stimulants. And yet, here I sit, in a state of constant discomfort. I'm losing hope that I will ever be able to beat this or lead a normal life again. I have never understood how I can be constantly symptomatic. Constantly suffering and feeling so terrible physically. I certainly do not "FEEL" anxious all the time. I do not worry about anything other than this disorder itself. (which is a problem I recognize). Most people I speak with suffer intermittently. Why am I so different? I try to live as normally as I can. I go out with my family and friends. I play with my kids. I work. I do everything as I understand I can't allow this to control me. But I do so in such a severe state of discomfort all the time.

Looking for a little support or reassurance. I'm about at the end of my rope these days without much hope for ever feeling better.

Thanks. No. I didn't see the other responses on my old thread. I guess I never received an email notification.

Yes. I have seen a few pdocs. I have tried Zoloft, lexapro, Effexor, Paxil, cymbalta, pristiq, Prozac, celexa, klonopin, xanax, buspar, ambilify, Wellbutrin, and a tricyclics. Nothing remotely helped. Only gained 50 pounds in the process going from a very fit athlete who worked out daily to very overweight now.

I wouldn't know which other direction to go. I have tried many forms of therapy already. I don't even think there's any other options for me. It's quite discouraging to say the least to go from perfectly healthy with never a sign of anxiety to being symptomatic 24/7. I believe most people are intermittent and at least feel somewhat comfortable at times. I dot even remember what normal feels like.

I feel like taking a bunch of klonopin daily and seeing what happens as klonopin sometimes takes the eye off. But I am so afraid of getting hooked on it and the nightmare withdrawal stories.

Thank you. I will do some further reading and look into that medication you mentioned. I'll try anything.

Have you often heard of people who are so physically symptomatic all the time 24/7 for almost 4 years with no reprieve?

So, like you...my journey began with an out of the blue panic attack, which led to panic disorder and health anxiety.

I did attend two seperate sessions of CBT which helped me, no doubt...

...but I give just as much credit to self help, and being a part of this community of support.

As far as the self help goes, I truly believe it is a matter of simply finding what resonates and helps you as an individual. That's why I recommend the library. You may check out a dozen books...but only take one or two key points from each.

It's all about personalization...because anxiety is so complex and unique to each individual...it's really up to us to find our own perfect program.

S.C.

Hi Fri09

Breathing exersise helps me a lot I do it 3 times a day..I also attend yoga classes...I think you must not let it frustrate you that much..don't be in a hurry to get well...give medication a chance maybe 6 months before you jump to the next one..
We all suffer the same, sometimes I want to cry but I let be until its gone, i try so hard to ignore it..and also days are not the same..
Follow the link that SC has given you..and keep posting
Together We shall conquer.