I am crazy, is a head MRI an odd request?

Hi fellow sufferers. I am in my 40's and male. Never was a heavy drinker, non smoker or did any illegal drugs.

I lived a very active lifestyle up until the H.E. double hockey stick started.

I always was high strung, I admit that trait, thought it was normal. It never held me back from doing anything. I had an outdoor physical labor job and the days got shorter and colder as winter approached. I became somewhat depressed and I mentioned it to my family doctor in hopes he could help get me through the winter blues. He prescribed me Cymbalta. Cymbalta introduced me to the world of super high anxiety and panic. I only took one pill but it gave me electrical type shocks in my whole body for days after taking it. If I held an object it would feel a different temperature depending on which hand I used. Ok bad reaction I was told... sometimes that happens.... try this... Next up was Paxil. I took Paxil for about a week. Paxil actually caused temporary paralysis, unable to sleep for days, unable to urinate, extreme constant fear and for the first time in my life hallucinations. This all happened about 9 years ago.

Since then the only one drug ever helped is on the naughty list. Different doctors have tried to get me off of it because "you should never been given that." I was always made to feel guilty about taking this drug. I did ok but lost my identity over the years. New problems that limited me often brushed off as anxiety by the doctors. I remained functional unless somebody attempted to change my medication. I brushed off new problems as a part of getting older.

9 months ago I ended up collapsing, out of breath, for the first time during my daily walk. Shortly after panic attacks that were rare for me (perhaps a few a year) became a few every day. Things like heart rate shooting to 160 bpm for no apparent reason and always feeling out of breath, unable to do any exercise. It then turned into agoraphobia. Actually it was much worse than just agoraphobia. All my senses, smell, vision, hearing and touch went completely nuts. Everything was unbearable.

For the first time I went to a psychiatrist instead of a family doctor. I did see a therapists in the past but he was no help. I found a new one that at least taught me some coping skills. You would have thought my primary doctor would have referred me to specialist but she did not. Vision problems that may be migraine related blown off, not investigated. Shortness of breath for years blown off not investigated (even when calm). New symptom of tinnitus the doctor did not even get the ear scope out to check for wax buildup, inflammation from a cold, infection or whatever. Suddenly now pills like ibuprofen that I took regularly would cause my hearing to become super loud and distorted. Several years ago I was driving to work and I noticed problems with my vision. Two hours later I discovered that I was at work and had no clue how I got there or what I was doing. The last thing I remembered was driving and seeing some visual distortions.

Anyways it comes down to this. I have a bad anxiety problem now, no doubt about it. I no longer trust doctors. Obviously if I have only anxiety the only medication that helped me is no longer working. In my group sessions most of the people had head MRI’s performed. A MRI was the first thing my mom’s doctor ordered when she started suffering from anxiety. I never had one done but want one, thought one should have been done years ago when I failed to remember how I got to work. My doctor says that she sees no reason for one and is against it. Considering some of my symptoms are severe and I have not responded well to any treatment, would it be reasonable to have a look? I am getting treated like this is an odd request. They keep trying to change my brain chemistry, why not take a look to see if something is unusual physically?

I just seen my third psychiatrist today for the first time today. Told me "if you are sensitive to meds nothing I can do." He also told me that "if you had that reaction to those meds something else is going on." I asked something else going on? Like what? I tried to get an MRI and they don't seem to want to give me one. He replied with "nothing is wrong with your brain" and offered me no more insight other than CBT. I spent months on CBT and most of it is stuff I already figured out over the years of trying to reduce anxiety on my own. I asked giving the fact that had such bad reactions in the past that perhaps I should be impatient to try a new drug that he prescribed? I was told that "I don't match the criteria to be admitted." Really? I am mostly trapped in my house.

The only drug that ever helped me was clonazepam. I have been on it for years and doctors always made me feel bad for taking it. I started at 1.0 MG a day and I never exceeded that dosage. Doctors cut my dosage to .75 and I reacted badly, was unable to work. They ended up sending me to a DRUG REHAB ADDICTION program. I lost work during this time on top of all the costs to go to rehab. Eventually the rehab center told me "nothing we can do for you, you have an anxiety problem and not a drug problem as you never abused your medications." At that point I found a new doctor who agreed to go back to my old dosage of 1.0 mg a day. Over the years I managed to slow taper myself down to .5 mg a day because I alway felt like I was a bad person for taking this drug.(doctors made me feel this way) I could not ever get below .5 mg a day though no matter how I tried and doctors simply told me to stop taking it that "I should be ok" if I wanted to stop. I was at .5 mg a day for two years, working 12 hour days before my collapse during my daily 3 mile walk. Since my collapse I take a dose of .6 mg a day (don't ask how, it is possible) I brought all this up because I don't know if I should take more or less of it. Mentioned that I read that for some people they can have withdrawal symptoms from taking it for so long and even have a paradoxical effect. He told me "you don't take enough to have withdrawal effect from it." I really wanted advice what to do about the clonazepam in his expert opinion but he really did not have any advice.

I mentioned that I would like to get back into exercising but I am unable to do so. I feel out of breath and get a panic attack every time I try the slightest exertion. I asked if he has any suggestions? He asked if I was checked out. I told him that I was and that it was discovered that I have a PFO although I don't know the size of it. He seemed very concerned and told me I should get the test done to see how big the PFO is. This is exactly the opposite of what my neurologist told me. He told me that a PFO would not cause any symptoms..... My cardiologist also downplayed the PFO as insignificant but recommended that I get the TEE scope done to determine the size, take daily aspirin,(causes my tiitiness to go crazy) and avoid lifting heavy objects.

And my brain is yelling at me that all this is contradictory information! But hey I have a new drug to take that he prescribed after saying that he could not help me if I am sensitive to the meds.

This is what I do know. I am too paper thin to take a new drug and go through the side effects at this time. Perhaps I should bump up the clonazepam, I am allowed to take more than I have, hope it takes me the correct direction. Make the PFO higher priority to get checked out in hopes that it may be contributing to my lightheadedness and out of breath sensations, or find out I am ok to exercise.

Scaredy Cat said...
If therapy was recommended...I do urge you to take advantage of it. Even if you have had less than satisfactory results in the past...you never know when a new approach, or even just a change in practitioners is going to make that pivotal difference!

Yes actually, I see multiple therapist at times during the same week. Therapy is almost constant. One gave me an Alpha Stim. I think it is a scam to get more money to rent the device.

Scaredy Cat said...
For now, I think your plan on getting cleared to exercise through determining the exact impact (or none!) that your PFO has on your health is a great one! Doing this ASAP will allow you to get started again on an exercise regimen that was previously very beneficial to you. smile

Yes HAhaha, Exercise always made me feel bad. I hate it actually. Never had or could get any endurance as a kid. However I did it to stay in shape regardless. My confidence would be greatly increased if I can get back to it even if I do not enjoy it. A large PFO could be the reason according to some that went through it and had it repaired. Others say not. It will get checked though.

Scaredy Cat said...
As far as the Clonazepam paradox that you find yourself struggling with...have you tried of considered an antihistamine? (Hydroxyzine/Vistaril) This alternative could be just what you need to manage your symptoms, without the negative effects/risks/stigmas associated with benzos.

Wow, this helps a lot. I had no idea that antihistamine worked that way. It is something that I will look into. I actually thought many times that my anxiety was related to my sinuses and head pressure (somehow histamine and adrenalin react.) I have constant clogged sinuses since I was a kid. Again more brushed off stuff. I just learned to live with many things as normal and they are adding up. I try to ignore so many things. In fact the only thing my doctor told me when bringing up my problems because a neti pot and other things I tried did not help was to stay away from nasal sprays because they can cause anxiety.

In fact I am on a new path. I am getting an MRI just to rule things out. Going to get the PFO checked out too. Now I can kick myself for this but this website has helped me with another idea. Again this is info my doctors ignored....

People that know me know that I have for many years now have my own security blanket in the form of a water bottle that I carry everyplace I go. Doctors think it is odd, so does everybody else. It was looked upon as a "distraction" item. Over the years I would get short bouts of being out of breath. I was told it is "anxiety." However during these times I got out of breath I would drink some water and all of the sudden it was like a reset switch, poof I am ok. In the past I had acid reflux, GERD. I stopped taking the meds for it because it got better after my gallbladder was removed years ago. The PPI meds also caused my joints to hurt badly and my wonderful doctor told me "it could be arthritis" but did not offer any tests or treatment options. (pain is part of anxiety)

Thanks to another part of this forum I think that I may have an answer. I think that I am actually suffering from (Pseudo-Dyspnea). Acid reflux makes it feel like I am out of breath when I am not. I then breathe heavier causing my chest muscles to get sore. Sore stiff chest, unable to breath, short of breath, bam adrenaline rush panic attack. Anything that causes more stress aggravates the situation. I was doing decent for years until 8 months ago. I went into the ER for unrelated severe leg pain. They gave me pain meds that are hard on the stomach. Shortly after that I collapsed when exercising. Since then I started having these attacks everyplace I go. So now yes, I do have agoraphobia. I am at least hopeful now that I may have a root cause and a plan of attack. I realize this still will not be easy though.

I think this thread would be very helpful in the anxiety forum. https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=45&m=3031437