Ocd thinking and the need to tell close people my thoughts but embarrassed

So I've struggled with ocd thoughts for 12 years, no meds, just always tried to manage by living a stress free lifestyle as much as I can, being in nature and going to my psychologist whenever the need arises which I've not been able to do whilst being overseas for a year, possible the worst decision ever.

Anyway, so if I'm having a major problem, usually thinking I'm going to get some problem because that's what I heard about, usually I can get over it but I've had a serious one that has really affected me and I feel like I can get over it but the one thing that makes it worse is when I don't tell the people Iam close to. This would be my son and bf.

A lot of the time I need to say something just to get over the issue. But I find it so annoying that I feel the urge or need to say something because it's uncomfortable and it's difficult to talk about and I hate that I have to have ocd. I've spoken to my son and have felt much better but now I have my bf left. And I can't feel right until I do, but I'm finding it hard to open up or find the right time, I don't want to sound like an idiot or make me look bad and its making me depressed and anxious.

He doesn't encourage me to open up and he is pretty closed off himself which makes it even harder and when do you find the right time to say, hey I'm obsessing over something someone said like ten years ago but now this thing triggered it and bla bla bla. And it's not something nice I find it horrible. I literally feel sick.

Thanks scaredycat, no I haven't read the material on here but I will do. My daily regimen is all over the place since I moved away overseas and now moving back as I haven't coped too well with it all, I've realised I need a more stable lifestyle as I cope much better then.

I use to manage ok, but it's all gone abit crazy 😬 I'm doing what I can, posting here has been an outlet over the years! Xo

alohaknown said...
I know exactly how you feel as i also suffer from OCD. I think having pure OCD is one of the hardest things to deal with. Everyday is a battle with myself and now im being tortured by mistakes of my past or embarassing things that would embarass me or bring shame. I was fine for a couple of months but something triggered it and I feel back on square one. Just know that you are not alone. If you dont mind me asking, are you currently taking any medications?

Hello, thanks for your reply, it is awful isn't it! No I'm not on medication, are you? And does it make a difference?