Anxiety Issues for Almost 2 Weeks

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum and site... I just needed to write everything down and vent a little, away from those close to me, who are probably getting tired of hearing everything. I'm sorry that this will probably be long and ranty!

As a little bit of background, I spent basically the entire month of May travelling. First, to Orlando (Disney/Universal) with my boyfriend of 1.5 years and then 2 weeks for work (Atlanta to Charlotte). Ever since a bad flight experience, I've been terrified to fly so that's obviously a lot of stress in itself, added with the stress of being on vacation for 10 days (way too long!) and then travelling for work for a job I haven't felt passionate about in months.

I was actually feeling ok about all of the travel and was in a pretty happy place until about 2 weeks ago. I met up with a friend and while we were talking and we (of course) brought up our relationships to vent over. I didn't say anything out of the ordinary or voice any new complaints and from what I remember, she didn't say anything she hasn't said before either. She's not 100% sold on marriage or having kids and has always said my boyfriend and I are moving too fast to get engaged and settle down but has never voiced any opinions on whether or not we're right for each other.

With that said, the next day I woke up feeling extremely guilty and all of a sudden questioning everything about my relationship. Thoughts like "am I really attracted to him?," "am I still in love with him?," "am I happy?," "do I want this anymore?," "maybe we should break up," "what would that look like?," "should I move out?," etc. My boyfriend and I live and work together and have for almost a year of our 1.5 year relationship. We do bicker a lot but it's honestly never been anything that we haven't immediately gotten over with a laugh. I've said numerous times to him and to others that we're the most normal and stable relationship I know and I truly do believe that.

After about a week of dealing with the anxiety, I completely lost my appetite and began throwing up 1-2 times a day. It started with burning-types of sensations throughout my body, accelerated heart beat, cold sweats at night and just not being able to get out of my head. I lost 5 lbs in about 4 days, which was terrifying. Luckily the throwing up has subsided and I've started getting my appetite back but has been replaced with heartburn and not being able to sleep throughout the night. The thoughts have also not subsided, despite breathing/calming techniques I've read about.

I talked to a counselor this past Monday, who diagnosed with with 'Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety' but talking to her didn't really make me feel better. I also went to my GP on Wednesday and she prescribed me 0.25mg of Xanax, as needed. I took the first pill last night and it quieted everything down briefly but I still woke up at 4am and couldn't stop my thoughts or get back to sleep.

Everyone I've talked to has said that what I'm going through is normal and that I'll get better. I actually had about 24 hours where I felt great and happy and felt totally in love with my boyfriend again and could "see the light at the end of the tunnel" but then last night I had my first full-blown panic attack, where I couldn't stop crying or breathe for about 5 minutes. I feel insanely guilty about the feelings I'm having and have started contemplating breaking up with him just to get the thoughts out of my head. I'm second-guessing every good memory we have and can feel myself putting space between us, when it's the last thing I truly want. Has anyone else gone through this?

My biggest worry is of course that the thoughts and doubts I'm having are real and not made up through anxiety. I just keep thinking that 2 weeks ago, I was so happy with him and felt so normal and I don't know what happened in that conversation/space of time to make me feel otherwise. Any advice?

hi socoali,

i'm certainly sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. i am not in a relationship right now so don't know if my "advice" is really that valid. But that's for you to decide.

I think relationships go through difficult periods, and there is often doubt to deal with. The "advice" that your friend gave you is just her opinion. You get to decide whether the relationship is right for you. Right now you are going through a period of great doubt. I predict it will eventually calm down and you'll be able to see things more clearly. I would say concentrate on your self-care. Do your best to get good sleep and rest if you can't sleep. Eat well, do some things to relax you, do some things you like.
Journal or find a friend you can talk about your feelings with, or post here. I deal with a lot of anxiety in my life and posting here not only gives me support, it helps me see what is really bothering me by putting it into words.

Then, too, you might want to talk to your partner. I would wait though until you get your thoughts straight and your sleeping back to normal.

I wish you all the best!

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the responses. There have been a few more moments of "clarity" since Friday but overall, there's still this huge cloud over me that I can't seem to get away from. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm waking up around 1-3am every morning for the past 5 or 6 days and can't fall back asleep afterwards so I'm only averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night. My appetite is coming back slowly but I still wake up every morning feeling extremely nauseous as all of the negative thoughts and doubts try to fight their way back into my head. I'm hoping if I could just get a good night's sleep I'd wake up and feel "normal" again, but I'm worried that after over 2 weeks of feeling this way, I no longer know what normal feels like...