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Posted 7/5/2017 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi HW friends, as some of you know I'm a full time caregiver to my adult handicapped son. Two months ago he moved to a group home and has full time care and he is very very happy. It has been a huge change for me as I have cared for him for 32 years. The house is so quiet and it has taken me time to adjust. The first two weeks I cried a lot missing his presence and scared I made the wrong decision. But now I'm at peace because it hard to get him to even come back home for a visit. He really is enjoying his life now and doing so much more.
My life hasn't changed much, I just don't have the care giving anymore. I'm still not social and prefer to stay at home, yet I do go out and about alittle more, either with hubs of alone. Husband works all the time(workaholic). So I spend most days alone with my cats. I started painting pictures again and find it comforting.
I desperately want to find a job, but know that I would not be able to keep it because of my anxiety.

Speaking of anxiety, most days are good, I still have the occasional days I have no energy and feel like crap. Yesterday we took my son fishing and it was really hot and I felt dizzy and full of anxiety but pushed thru.
Posted 7/5/2017 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi DS and welcome back!!

I am so happy to hear that your son has made such a wonderful adjustment, and is enjoying his current environment. You definitely took a brave leap of faith that turned out to be a positive move for him.😊

It sounds like a good slow and steady change is happening for you as well. I think with more time...and if you choose to, you will be able to branch out more and more. Meeting new people, developing different interests and hobbies may be something you explore in the future...

...or perhaps not. There is nothing wrong with ejoying being at home and feeling content with your own company. (as long as it is a conscious choice and not due to anxiety restricting you)

Keep up rhe good work on your anxiety management...and may you and your son continue to thrive!

Thanks for the update and keep them coming.😊

S.C.
Posted 7/5/2017 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks S.C, I think my anxiety causes me to miss out on so many things. I haven't seen my husbands side of the family in years and there are new nieces and nephews. It makes me angry at myself and guilty but I cant help it. Their family outings always involve alcohol and that is where my panic lies lately since I quit drinking four years ago. I get so panicky thinking about even just the drive to see them. They don't understand and I'm sure they don't think very well of me. When my husband and I were first married 25years ago, his family would treat me pretty bad, gossiping about me and all kinds of mean things. I have since forgiven them and I think it still causes me to be leary though.
Posted 7/6/2017 3:41 AM (GMT 0)
Well that is all on THEM then isn't it?

...plus, you are just out of practice. You have been raising kids...one with special needs...and totally devoting yourself to your home/family.

Now you have some YOU time...but you can take baby steps. In time you may choose to join a club, take a class...volunteer! These are all great outlets...

...and don't rule out working again. It may happen.😊

S.C.
Posted 7/6/2017 7:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Deb!
Great to hear from you. I'm so glad your son is adjusting to his new home, and that you are adjusting to your new 'normal.'

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles with your hubs' family, but I agree with SC in that it's on THEM and not YOU. You are doing the best you can, and making progress even though it may seem small, in the anxiety world, it's huge.

Hang in there, and we are here for you!
Posted 7/6/2017 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi
You will get through it with time, but I'm glad your son is enjoying himself. You have done a good Job looking after him.
Hope you feel better soon
Remember you come first in your life as you can't make everybody happy..God knows you've done nothing Wrong, so don't worry about them. if you and hubs are okay that's what matters.
Posted 7/7/2017 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys, and your right. Your advice makes me feel better.
Posted 7/9/2017 6:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Deb! Lost touch - this is Deb #2 (in so many ways ) I am so happy to hear that your son is doing well...this is the best we can hope for as parents, so you are and always have been amazing.

I haven't done much of this online stuff for the past couple of years. I had been caring for my mom and finally even retired from my job to be home with her more. She lived with me for 5 years but the last 2 were exceptionally demanding and she was bedridden but still had a LOT to say, as only mothers can, and had mild dementia. She could feed herself, but that was about it. We watched movies ...a lot of movies! Mostly from the '40's & '50's. She went downhill quickly in the summer of 2015, which is when I retired. She died at home Feb. 2016 - basically starved herself until having a stroke. Care giving had been my life, and it's been hard to make any kind of a transition.

Lately the grief and anxiety have become a daily chore. I try not to take any drugs but occasionally give in to 1/4 Klonopin (.05) -- 1/2 if it's really bad. Since I'm now on Medicare I don't have the awesome coverage I had when working and I don't want to waste any of my medication. I keep busy by babysitting the grandkids and sometimes get my husband to get me out of the house for a day - we will take long drives or sometimes even go to a casino (lol) boy, that will get you thinking about how many old people are there!
So glad that you have touched base. I will watch for your postings and hope to keep in touch Deb.
Blessings
Reepin (Deb #2)
Posted 7/9/2017 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Deb <3
It's been some time really.
I am so happy that your son is happy and getting more support.
You always do your best and you are very strong we all know that so please don't think that you did wrong with your decision. You've been going through a lot and it's tough.

Painting is a fantastic medicine and being at home with cats is not bad for us crazy cat ladies, am I wrong? ;)
Please take care of yourself. We love you <3
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