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Posted 7/22/2017 1:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone!
I stumbled on this site halfway related to my anxiety. I have swallowing problems and am having an egd and dilation on Monday. My anxiety has led me to believe that as a non smoker, 32, female I have esophageal cancer. Although I know this is unlikely it can sometimes be so real, it's hard togo to the calming meadows.
I also thought I had breast cancer the last couple months. No lump, no change, just a shooting breast pain around the time of my period. Ridiculous right? Except that I just watched my mom die of cancer in April. I've had the genetic testing done- I'm negative. But has anyone had anything similar? I think I'm processing her death the wrong way.
I also wanted to say that this is all that's left of my anxiety. I was on medicine, I took myself off after I realized the adverse reactions and side effects were worse than my actual symptoms. I've been going to therapy about decatastrophising and hoping to nip this cancer thing soon.
Posted 7/22/2017 3:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome!

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing...and the natural triggering effects this has had on your anxiety.😔 I am sending my understanding and comforting thoughts your way!

It is not unusual for health anxiety to develop in this kind of circumstance. You are worn out and raw with grief. Not to mention the effect of living with the reality of illness daily...as you see it take a loved one from you....difficult, frighteneing and devastating to say the least.

I commend you for seeking therapy, and urge you forward in your journey. It takes time...but you will greatly benefit with continued effort and time!

Self help is another tool that I always encourage. Please see our Resources at the top of the main forum page here for great material to work with. We have Stress Relieving Exercises and Meditation videos...as well as Health Anxiety links...specifically for the worries you voiced in your post.

Keep talking with us as well. We understand, care and support is key!

Scaredy Cat
Posted 7/22/2017 10:30 PM (GMT 0)
BoyMom,

My sincerest condolences for the loss of your mother; my heart goes out to you. I think that stress and devastation has certainly caused some (understandable) anxiety in you- you are not alone. As SC said, these are natural triggers and unfortunately anxiety can rear its head in stressful and emotional situations such as yours.


Please know you have a loving and supportive community within this forum and we are here for you!
Posted 7/22/2017 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
I talked to the therapist today. She seems to think its more deep rooted than just my mother. My sister is an addict and I've sort of looked after her my whole life until I moved away and now she's worse than ever and I'm doing rather well. She thinks my mother's passing and the guilt of leaving my sister behind has led me to believe I don't deserve to be happy and something tragic is going to happen. The ole "pulling the the rug out" feeling. I'm a week from finishing nursing school with a great job offer and dealing with this the best way I know how. I'm doing thought stopping and trying to stay off of web md for everything and just be happy with what I've accomplished for myself. It will take some time but if anyone has a great book read, I would love any suggestion. I just finished The narcissistic mother.
Posted 7/23/2017 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
BoyMom-
If you're looking for books related to helping anxiety- I really liked From Panic to Power.
If you're looking for great distraction books completely unrelated to anxiety, my favorite book is The Glass Castle which is a true story, or Girls in Trucks which is a memoir but based on a true story.
Posted 7/24/2017 2:17 AM (GMT 0)
Wow! Powerful stuff you wrote there. And so very very true!
I've made a deal with myself (after my EGD tomorrow)that I'm going to start allowing myself to be happy. Wish me luck, pray, whatever you can.
I just want to be okay after this procedure.

SsjGogo said...
Hi

My condolences!

I'm somewhat in the same situation as you. Fear of esophagus cancer, anxiety and a lot of similarities in our history ( I had to take care of my mom, when my father got killed).

Esophagus cancer is very rare! Gerd can - if not treated - raise the chances but it is still very unlikely!

I'm struggling with symptoms every day, but one thing is becoming clear. Me being anxious and stressed is probably a bigger cause of potential disease (and cancer) than anything else.

We need to acknowledge that we are mortal and that our life is short. You don't want to end a 80 year old looking back and wondering why you spent most of your life afraid of living.

Meditation, good diet, excersize - those are my goals. And tying to be in the moment!

Sorry for the "speech" smile

Posted 7/24/2017 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi. It sounds like you've already gained good insight with your therapist. I noticed that you are reading "Narcissitic Mothers." Was your Mother Narcissistic? We (the daughters) grow up second guessing ourselves and our Mothers are covertly jealous of our successes. It's not uncommon for children of Narcissist to suffer from anxiety. I am sorry for your loss but think your anxiety is normal given the circumstances. Just keep reminding yourself that your thoughts are not reality. They are only fears. False Evidence Appearing Real. Live your life forward and in the moment as mindfully as possible but don't beat yourself up for falling short of that goal. HUGS.
Posted 7/24/2017 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
Boymom,

We have some great book recommendations in our Resources!

S.C.
Posted 7/26/2017 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
Yes. I found out in January when I sort of stumbled into a few quotes from the book and started digging deeper.
Then my mom passed in April and I can't bring myself to finish reading the last bit. Yes i said i finished but i have a few pages left. I guess I feel guilty now that she's gone. But yes, narcissistic to the max. I'm the pleaser child. The over achiever and the second guesser. It's a horrible vicious cycle and I'm bound and determined to kick this. I had my egd yesterday that I cried for thinking and convinced I had esophageal cancer and I have GERD. I laugh at myself now but those symptoms and feelings can be so real.
Thanks scaredycat,I'm going check out the resources now.

kellyinCali said...
Hi. It sounds like you've already gained good insight with your therapist. I noticed that you are reading "Narcissitic Mothers." Was your Mother Narcissistic? We (the daughters) grow up second guessing ourselves and our Mothers are covertly jealous of our successes. It's not uncommon for children of Narcissist to suffer from anxiety. I am sorry for your loss but think your anxiety is normal given the circumstances. Just keep reminding yourself that your thoughts are not reality. They are only fears. False Evidence Appearing Real. Live your life forward and in the moment as mindfully as possible but don't beat yourself up for falling short of that goal. HUGS.

Posted 7/26/2017 2:31 PM (GMT 0)

SsjGogo said...
Hi Boymom

How did your test go? smile

Bette than I expected. But that's how it always goes for the worriers. Lol. I have GERD and he took two biopsies to check for esophagitis. So that was best case scenario.
Posted 7/27/2017 4:08 AM (GMT 0)
B.mom,

Glad to hear that your test went well!!

Great job on getting through it.❤👏

S.C.
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