HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

My wife of 17 years has suddenly stopped talking to me and wants to leave me

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic locked
1 2 34 5 6
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/2/2017 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
hello team ...there?...i have one day to go before we met thr counsellor together..any tips
Posted 8/2/2017 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
...just keep reassuring her that you are willing to do what it takes to restore her trust in you...

...but also keep the focus on moving forward, because staying in the past is dysfunctional and won't help your progress.

Best wishes with the appointment...let us know how it goes!

S.C.
Posted 8/3/2017 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
i am not staying in teh past SC...u mean i should tell her to focus on moving forward?
Posted 8/3/2017 3:35 AM (GMT 0)
Oh yes, it was her I was referring to...sorry if I didn't make that clear!

A gentle reminder from the therapist that moving forward will help not only the relationship, but both of you as individuals may help her see past the present pain/anger she is stuck in.

Was your appointment today...or not until tommorrow?

S.C.
Posted 8/3/2017 7:57 AM (GMT 0)
its today during my time....
Posted 8/3/2017 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
HI Vk

hope all goes/went well

You are doing the right thing..

hang in there !!!

xxx
Posted 8/4/2017 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
Thank yew prew!!

the counselling session got over. She narrated her feelings. she said although she tried in the 2 years she could never get over the feeling of betrayal and trust . She said every time she got physical with me in the ast 2 years she felt like hell. She made a statement which i found was ridiculous " even of he had gone and had slept with someone it would still have been forgivable ..why pull me into this" . She said she is paranoid ..feels that if someone in the public stares at her for a little longer ....what would she be thinking...she said that she has tried enuff and has given up completely and she mentioned that the last 2 months at least she has been at peace than she ever has ( the same last 2 months i had been in hell). she did mention that there were many other things that were stressing her out like her relationship with my sister and me getting irritated with things..the irritation levels bother her. She broke down while narrating and so did i. However i felt neither the counsellor nor my wife understands what anxiety is and what it can do to a person . He told that he would like to have 2 sessions with me in isolation and then probably he will meet her ..and in between he said he would want to meet my daughter as well
Posted 8/4/2017 5:43 AM (GMT 0)
V.,

That must have been a difficult session to say the least.

I am sorry.

It sounds like you need to be prepared for the fact that this may not be resolved...

...and just keep working on what will keep your anxiety managed to the best of your ability.

We are here for you.

S.C.
Posted 8/4/2017 7:02 AM (GMT 0)
im not sure what will happen
Posted 8/4/2017 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
VK

SC is correct , but lets see how far therapy goes .
but remember you cant keep on worrying too much about others, just make sure all this doesnt deeply affect your daughter.
If you both not happy it will destroy her.
Love yourself also, we all make mistakes. but mistakes are always corrected.
Take care !!!!and enjoy your weekend
Posted 8/5/2017 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
no one at home .... ver y new feeling for me .. im scared i guess.. lonely......cried a lot... friend helped me a lot...
Posted 8/6/2017 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
V.,


I am sorry that this is a difficult time for you. Though it is hard in this moment...and there is uncertainty ahead...you can be confident that you will get through this, one way or another.

Whether or not it turns out this turns out the way you had hoped...you will be okay, and come out of this experience stronger than before.

We are here in support, and encouragement.

S.C.
Posted 8/6/2017 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
hi SC can u help me change my username here
Posted 8/6/2017 6:08 AM (GMT 0)
Okay, follow these steps and it should be easy.

*Click on your current screen name, this will take you to your profile page.

*Then click on 'My Profile'. (upper left blue tool bar)

*Finally click on 'Edit Profile'...

...and you should be able to change it without a problem.

...and if you could let us know if possible when you post with your new name...it would be helpful to us that know you. smile

S.C.
Posted 8/7/2017 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
thanks ..new profile name is vkj
Posted 8/7/2017 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
Oh good...glad you were able to make the change...

...and you didn't erase your thread. A lot of people do for various reasons...so that's why I asked you to let us know what your new name would be.

Thanks!

S.C.
Posted 8/10/2017 4:17 AM (GMT 0)
tried talking to her again to please forgive me and at least try talking to make an attempt...she said for what?...to sleep with you sorry!
tried hard to keep level headed and keep the conversation she kept ranting about the same thing ...that she does want to make an effort ...and that i have completely ruined her life ...etc

in the end here's the conversation
=================================

[15:28, 8/9/2017] Me: why are u staying at home with so much anger and hate may i ask?
[15:29, 8/9/2017] her: Coz of my daughte
[15:29, 8/9/2017] Me wonderful
[15:33, 8/9/2017] Her: Look I think u should realise that things are bad
[15:33, 8/9/2017] Me: And not behave like u r being wronged
[15:34, 8/9/2017] Me: I am not saying I'm being wronged
[15:34, 8/9/2017] Me: But you should realize that ur not doing the right thing
[15:34, 8/9/2017] Me: Anger and hatred is not the solution
[15:34, 8/9/2017] Me: And you are not in the right frame of mind
[15:34, 8/9/2017] Me: I'll leave it here

My anxiety has shot up like crazy....from monday i have been feeling groggy everytime i wake yp
yesterday i took a tablet and slept...feeling little better
Posted 8/10/2017 4:56 AM (GMT 0)
Vkj,

I am sorry.:/

I think the best course at this point is to keep working on your anxiety management...

...and to give your wife space for the time being.

If she is staying for the sake of the children...

...she may yet come to a place of forgiveness and healing.

I did the same thing...and ended up finding love and trust for my husband again.smile

S.C.
Posted 8/10/2017 5:00 AM (GMT 0)
yes it could take years???
Posted 8/10/2017 5:20 AM (GMT 0)
I can't say how long it will take...but it is a process.

Trust is not quickly restored...it has to be built back up once it's been lost.

Depending on the individuals and circumstance...it varies.

Peace, progress and patience,

S.C.
Posted 8/10/2017 5:24 AM (GMT 0)
/do u think im managing my anxiety reasonable?
Posted 8/10/2017 5:33 AM (GMT 0)
It depends mostly on how you feel.

If you are having panic attacks, physical symptoms or dealing with worrisome/intrusive thoughts...

...then upping the time spent on your coping skills would be a good step.

With relationship trouble, a certain amount of expected anxiety is normal. If however, it is affecting your quality of life, or making it difficult to do the the things you want and need to do...then it is time work harder/differently on your regimen.

S.C.
Posted 8/16/2017 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
hi SC thanks for the reply ..see i went for a vacation to Thailand although i didn't want to as i had booked it long back when things were fine (i didn't have the heart to cancel it as it would mean no refund of tickets cost and my brother in law ( wife's brother was also coming and he was kinda looking forward to it ) . While we did go places and have a few drinks and have a good time my mind would constantly think about what has become to my life ..where are those beautiful vacations which i used to have with wife and daughter

As a couple of days went by during the vacation i realised that if this was my life then what would it be?
i would have to cope with it somehow...i realised that my problem was constantly thinking about the same thing over and over . Was i doing justice to my job 60% yes and 40% no . I had to put in that extra effort because i was spending time overthinking this issue at work too. I have to focus more time on keeping my mind occupied ..Set aside "worry" time each day. Then whenever a negative thought intrudes, tell yourself to wait until the set time. You may feel better by then...
these were some of the reading i could relate to while on vacation
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/deal-better-hard-times
i need to find a way to focus more and think less of this issue
is it practical ...i dunno i need ur help here sc and thoughts
Posted 8/16/2017 4:47 AM (GMT 0)
Constructive and scheduled 'worry time' is a worthwhile practice. Afterall, we do need to spend some time on troubleshooting our challenges. So I say yes to that tool!

I think the site you've been reading from is good. Take the most helpful techniques you find there...and seek others to get a broad array of self help coping skills!

Keep working on your own recovery and happiness...and then in any outcome, you know that you will be able to stand strong and be well.

I am glad that you took your trip. Perhaps it could be the beginning of a healing step?

Keep up the great work.

S.C.
Posted 8/16/2017 5:36 AM (GMT 0)
I am glad that you took your trip. Perhaps it could be the beginning of a healing step?
=====> not sure whatthat meant i went alone with her brother
✚ New Topic locked
123456