Hard Finding A Doctor for Xanax

I have a doctor who has had me on xanax since 2011. I under dosed myself and put them back for an apocalypse, seriously. Or in case my doctor died. I thought if a person yanked them from me I could at least taper down without having a seizure.

Well, my doctor is self pay and hundreds per hour. I cannot afford them. The doctors in my network are terrible. I have tried three doctors, taking in my records and bottles and all three say I need to get off the xanax.

I have had panic and anxiety for 28 years. It is not going away with therapy, been there. I have terrible sides with anti depressants and anti psychotics hence why I was put on Xanax.

So my question is who else is going through this? My next visits I am just saying up front that this is my script, it works, if they won't continue it for me I am walking out.

I feel like in my mid 30's I am too tired to do therapy that I already have done. And life really beats you up. I just want to maintain some sort of bearable existence. I am not looking to get fixed...just be as comfortable as I can be. But doctors keep wanting me to try anti psychotics and beta blockers (laughable) and CBT. I am NOT doing therapy.

I do not like alcohol but I have thought if I see I am going to run out of my stashed pills, I will have to taper off and drink. I get dehydrated and I hate feeling nauseated but the only other thing that works for my GAD and panic is Vodka. Do other people drink to medicate?

Post Edited (BBH83) : 10/21/2017 10:56:20 PM (GMT-6)

Yes I used hydroxyzine. It just makes me groggy and is a miserable medication. I did not even feel safe driving on it. Plus I take antihistamines every day for allergies so the hydroxyzine makes it wprse.

I have no idea how this is helpful for GAD or Panic. When I take Xanax I feel normal and can focus. I don't want to pass out.

No I am done with self help and therapy. It never worked. I just want my xanax or alcohol. In reality I am not sure I can even live with anxiety or want to any longer.

I am held hostage, pay hundreds for my script that I do not have....or go without. And at this point I am so tired that I understand how anxiety and panic disorder has a high suicide rate.

Post Edited (BBH83) : 10/22/2017 12:00:08 AM (GMT-6)

you must find an alt med that you can tolerate. you cannot use Xanax long term with out becoming addicted. you don't want to become addicted . trust me on this. being addicted to benzos is the worst thing you can imagine. it took me 4 attempts to find a ssri I could tolerate but I am doing great on it now.its a very low dose and side effects are negligible. . try buspar .its non narcotic and not addicting.

Buspar never helped me. Prozac, paxil, Zoloft, cymbalta, Buspar, Vistaril, blood pessure pills, anti psychotics, I have had them all. Oh...and an anti seizure drug I forgot the name of. Tried it.

First, I am NOT getting fat. I struggle enough to not be fat. Nearly all on that list makes you fat. If I get fat I will hate life more.
Orgasms. I will NOT sacrifice an orgasm for an SSRI or SNRI. Every one of those kept me from having an orgasm.
Hearing voices...prozac. Idk how to explain that one.
Headaches and insomnia....all anti depressants I tried.
Fell asleep at my desk on vistaril and had slurred speech. Really professional.
Anti psychotic fell asleep again at my desk. I stared at my PC for 4 hours and did no work. I was on the lowest dose.
Buspar did nothing. 3 months...nothing.
Blood pressure pills....see Buspar.

Fact is, not every person can be miraculously cured of anxiety. I first had it at age 5 when I refused to pee at school and would throw up every morning from nerves. I am 34 and I have been on and off thr drugs above since i was 19.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with panic disorder when I was suicidal because I was sure I was insane and losing my marbles. I had agoraphobia and was convinced daily I was dying from suffocation.

Xanax stopped it and I had a life. I have since added wellbutrin which greatly improved my anxiety and allowed me to get off daily xanax and use it now and then.

But....if I cannot get it from a new doctor or another benzo I will have to just drink. Because I have seen therapists and they are full of crap. You cannot always therapy away panic disorder.

I have never been abused. I have never been hurt. My mother has it. My grand father has it. My mother took valium from 1969 until 1983. My grandfather took it from the timr he was 65 until he died.

Nobody that I know had any adverse problems with any of it. But my family has some issues with GAD and panic...and since we are not a screwed up bunch who has abused each other there is likely a biophysical issue in our brains. Which means you cannot stop it wothout meds. Specifically GABA influencing drugs.

Serotonin was not my issue. Dopamine was not my issue. Norepinephrine seems to be an issue that wellbutrin is helping with.

I also have two Earth science degrees and a Master's and I understand chemistry and I can read medical literature.

The only issue wirh Xanax is addiction and using too much. This is remedied by a doctor counting pills. Stopping use which if you need to stop forever then you probably never needed it. And death which only happens when mixed with alcohol or pain pills. So a doctor cannot screen for alcoholism? A Doctor cannot do a drug test? Check reporting sites?

It does cause some memory impairment. So does alcohol. If a person is not bothered by that then, ok. I got around it by writing appointments in a journal.

Best thing about the Wellbutrin/Xanax XR combo is that it does not cause weight gain or orgasm issues. Wellbutrin actually causes weight loss in some. Xanax keeps me from eating too....takes away appetite. I have zero bad sides on either and the doses are super low. After a year of constant xanax XR use this time I only take 1 mg a day! My tolerance is not increasing.

Post Edited (BBH83) : 10/22/2017 7:26:16 PM (GMT-6)

I went to my old doctor who put me back on xanax XR 4 mg a day and my Wellbutrin. Plus extra regular xanax in case I have a panic attack.

At first I took xanax 1 mg 3 times a day for two years. Then I quit for a year because I had financial issues. I got bad again so I went back and was put on Xanax xr 2 mg a day plus a regular .5 mg xanax as needed. I was on this for 1.5 years and quit back last spring. Took me a month to taper. I was addicted physically so I tapered off. That is what a taper is for. Now for those mentally addicted....good luck.

He scolded me for taking myself OFF of my Xanax and assured me of another doctor to see if he just died suddenly.

So...500.00 for a 3 hour session but I am good for half a year. Goodness it is insane getting my meds at an affordable price.

I dont get all the hogwash about people having a hard time quitting. I have tapered several times on my own with no problems. Some people I think may be more sensitive to tapering medication.

I have panic disorder. Not just anxiety. So....I take Xanax every day. In fact, I was given a paper that says a panic patient needs ay least 4 mg of Xanax a day. And I was assured again as long as I stay alcohol and pain pill free I should not worry if I have to increase my dose. As it is to be expected.

I do NOT respond to anti depressants. And there is no need to gain weight or sacrifice orgasms when I have been on xanax since 2013 regularly and not became an abuser or died. Every person is different. My doctor said I just need to do whatever makes me the most comfortable because in the end that is all that matters. If I am comfortable being on xanax and being dependent on it, then it is my choice. I do have the disease it treats so he looks at it like heart meds for a heart patient.

Post Edited (BBH83) : 10/23/2017 5:49:00 PM (GMT-6)

I am glad some do not need it. But it seems many are afraid of addictiom as if they cannot wean off.

I become addicted in about a week. If I miss my dose I shake and tremble.

I think if a person has a negative view because omg....addiction or have been on them short periods they hurt those of us who cannot find an alternative.

We get painted as drug addicts as in...street addicts. I can be addicted to a medication. But it does not make me a psychological drug addict with need of help if I take only what I am prescribed.

I am just saying, the hate for benzos is hurting those of us that it saves our lives. I would have *self harm* without panic attack relief. One time when I was on zoloft and had agoraphobia and body aches from stiff muscles and sores on my scalp from picking I started googling ways to *self harm*. I had no idea I had panic or anxiety or agoraphobia. I was miss diagnosed with depression.

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 10/23/2017 10:48:00 PM (GMT-6)

BBH83 ,welcome to the forum.

I feel can relate to you on several issues.I had just one psychiatrist who refused to offer me refills and denied seeing me as I refused to see them every 90 days .
I had several issues with the doctor though I am just another number for the doctor.
I had no insurance and paid them 150 for 15 min max of time during which only I would talk mostly and not the doctor ,refilled were given and that's it.
It was pvt practice.I felt discarded like diapers and feel humiliated and more anxious when they refused my appointment without proper notice so I could find a substitute doc.
I was left hanging for refills and it could mean serious harm if I lost self control.
I had no money to pay to ER at hospital.
They called me and I politely told them that they were not professional and should reconsider giving up on me as patient though I had decided that I would not return to this doctor as their unreliable attitude gave me negative vibes.
In few discussions my doc several times told me to stop all medications as he felt I looked better than before.
I was shocked that how you present yourself is looked upon as no medication needed which is false.
I was shocked and told doc to stop talking of dropping all meds as now I needed them to survive basically.
I was addicted for ever and they do not know my internal feelings.
Anyways I was down but still struggling to get better and that's only my responsibility ,nobody cares.
I really can related to you.
Find a community based mental health clinic to have subsidized rates.
Call few clinics for self pay and ask for script that you want .
Look around and don't cut yourself short.
You deserve respect and your health is important.
Alcohol is not good neither is hydroxyzineor benadry,believe me.
Xanax is Xanax ,I also take it.
Keep us posted .we care .
Good Luck!!

Why can the word suicide not be used? Self harm is harm without intent to die. Is self harm not triggering? Oh yes. Talk about how you self harm to a cutter and they will almost always to cut. Suicide ia not the same. Since self harm is a coping mechanism.....not suicide.

Exactly what is the problem warning people thay untreated panic disorders have been involved in over 90 percent of suicides?

If a person is suicidal they are not going to do it by reading a statistic on suicide. Is this a health board concerned about health or a board who exists only to make money off ads and promote their self help garbage they keep referring to when people ask about therapy?