Weekly Check In

hi mate. good skype session thurs with shrink. increased lamictal. no arthritis in hands, peripheral neuropathy from diabetes. been getting my house sorted and my spare room ready.

Have not been here a lot recently. I was trying to convince myself that my anxiety is "in remission" - or at least not so acute these days. But then there are times when I realize it is not gone, just sort of lurking in the background, ready to rear its (ugly) head at any moment...

I have a very stressful job. Not just stressful for me, but objectively a job most people would characterize as a very high stress one. If you pile anxiety on top of that, it makes it very difficult. I feel like it is hard for everyone in this job, but three times harder for me when the anxiety kicks in.

I could leave the job for something lower stress (though that would also mean MUCH lower pay), but I would feel like a quitter or like I "gave in" to the anxiety. The therapist with whom I did CBT mostly agreed with me on that -- he said it is better for me to find ways to overcome or minimize the impact of the anxiety rather than to submit to it. So I carry on...

This week is a particularly stress one at work -- and my anxiety is flaring up.

I hope you all are doing better than I am this week.

Last week was a very nice week. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Decorated my place the day after. Had a great weekend. Didn't do so great on my final exam in my class. I have always been horrible at taking tests, but at least I passed the class.

Life is going to be the same ol same ol for awhile: paying off the debts and classes.

Got a p-doc appt today. 1 month in with the lexapro, not really feeling any better. Reinstated some mirtazapine to help with sleep. Worked for a few days, back to not sleeping. Felt good for a couple days, but back to waking up at 2am with major anxiety.
Going to talk about increasing the dose or changing to something new. Not excited about changing meds this close to the holidays.

Last week was ok, minimal anxiety. This week I returned to work and had anxiety pretty much all day. I don’t know why other than coming back to work. I love my job and it’s not stressful (other than the stress I put on myself). Doctor had me try the fluoxetine again and I swear it makes my anxiety worse. Interesting my sister did that DNA Ancestry thing and there is something where you can submit your DNA to through the site and it gives you all this medical history. It told her that we are at a higher risk to not tolerate antidepressants. They did give her 4 so I’m going to talk to my doctor at the end of the December during my next appt.

Every day is a new day and I have to remind myself during an attack that its exactly that and it’ll pass even though it seems like eternity.

Blessings to all!

hot. 35c...summer starting on the 1st, 2 weeks of heat already.

This afternoon will be my third day taking cipralex..so yesterday being only day 2 if you had of hit me in the belly with a bat you would have broken your bat it was so tight and from about 7 pm to this morning stronger sense of nausea than the day before.
Haven't been able to eat hardly anything and if I have a slice of toast I force it into me- drinking lots of water.Woke up this morning with same stomach tightness so took non drowsy ginger gravol lozenge- may have helped.. but minutes after getting out of bed very shaky so reluctantly took a 0.5 lorazapam and it has settled down- thank God for the sublinguals. I feel very low energy this morning too. Gosh- after only 2 0.5 cipralex..How can something that makes you feel so bad be ultimately good for you? Keep the faith I tell myself. I can't imagine much more of this.