Heart Anxiety

Friends,

I’m writing this post to give some updates. Things have been up and down for me. Over the last few months, I’ve done too many EKGs to count, an echocardiogram, CT scans on my heart and brain, multiple blood tests, and at least three holter monitors. Every single doctor that I have spoken to has said that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my heart, and that I am a healthy 32 year old. I experience chest pains quite often, and sometimes these pains are downright terrifying and shoot up the left side of my neck and into my left jaw and down my left arm. I’ve told my doctor about this, and based on the previous tests, they believe that it’s most likely muscular in nature.

The thing that bothers me is that my mind constantly says “there’s something wrong, there’s something that they’re missing,” and I keep going back to thinking that something is wrong with my heart. I can’t shake the feeling. There is always the “what if they missed something?” I find myself going through my day exhausted, unable to get anything done, afraid to go anywhere alone; after all, if I go anywhere alone, who will help me when I have a heart attack? These thoughts are debilitating.

Has anyone been through this? Why is it that I cannot believe doctors who have years and education and many more years of experience telling me that I am fine?

What do I do?

MDoe

Scaredy Cat,

Thanks so much for your response. I really appreciate it. This is a very challenging thing for me. My anxiety came on suddenly. I used to be so adventurous and independent, and now, unfortunately, I spend most of my time doing nothing at my computer. Unfortunately, I will have no health insurance for the month of February due to a SNAFU at work. However, starting March, I will be trying CBT to see if that helps.

One of the scariest things that I have to go through is that every night before I fall asleep, I get a weird and painful chest pain sensation. It wakes me up, and most of the time, the moment I wake up, the pain goes away. It's absolutely terrifying and I'm "convinced" that it's a coronary artery spasm. My doctors all said that given the fact that I have had such a thorough cardiac workup, had there been any problems they would have already appeared. I understand the logic and reasoning behind their position, but my mind still goes "they've missed something! This will kill you in your sleep! What about your wife?"

Being without health insurance for the month of February terrifies me. What if I really have a cardiac event? Of course, that could just be my anxiety speaking. Doctors in two countries have told me my heart is fine. Even with all the anxiety I've never had a cardiac event. There is no history of heart attack in my family but for an isolated incident with my grandfather. I do have sleep apnea, and I am actively treating it with my CPAP machine.

Nevertheless, it's hard for me to believe that I'm okay. This idea that I have a coronary artery spasm is stuck in my brain. Do I have the symptoms? Probably not. What I experience lasts very briefly, whereas coronary artery spasms last between 1 to 15 minutes. I do/did smoke a ton of hookah over the last years, but again, all the heart testing and blood work came out fine. I'm okay. I'm healthy.

But anxiety won't let me be believe it. Or is it anxiety?

What has your experience been with this kind of thinking/situation?

MDoe

Hi,

I completely understand. My chest bothers me a lot. Mostly left side pain that shoots to my neck and back between my shoulder blades. I also had EKGs and CT Scan and all was clear. But same as you, I keep thinking that I may just drop dead at any time. It is really scary. I do have Gerd and a hiatal hernia so those bother my chest a lot. I have been trying to relax and read about anxiety to understand that it is in my head.. but yes! so challenging and difficult! Best wishes and hope you feel better soon.

Anxiety is an evil, evil thing. It tricks our minds into believing something is wrong when it isn't. I was joking around with my ER doctor today. He said that I've pretty much done everything that needs to be done. A cardiac catheterization, he said, wouldn't be necessary since every. Single. Test. Came back negative. There's nothing left to do. I told him "so pretty much, apart from ripping the <expletive> thing out and taking a look at it, we've done everything we could." He said yes, laughing of course.

At the end of the day, I try to remind myself that doctors know what they're talking about. Especially when multiple doctors who do not know or talk to each other are involved. I've checked, re-checked, double-checked and triple-checked. At this point, there's nothing left to do.

The hardest part is accepting that everything is okay, which you would think is the easiest part. How come it's so easy to believe we're going to die in 30 seconds but not easy to believe that we're okay? It's weird, when you think about it. We want to be okay, otherwise we wouldn't stress out when we feel that we're not. And yet, when presented with objective evidence to prove that we're okay, we reject it.

This, I think, is the challenge of anxiety. Even in the face of evidence, it persists. We torture ourselves with these thoughts, and in my case, torture myself with hours of googling symptoms and believing the end is neigh.

But here's something I try to remember: every single time I've felt the end was neigh, I woke up the next day. And the day after. And the day after that. The end did not come, and most likely will not for a very, very long time.

It's [literally] all in our heads.

AnxietyKelller said...
Hi,

I completely understand. My chest bothers me a lot. Mostly left side pain that shoots to my neck and back between my shoulder blades. I also had EKGs and CT Scan and all was clear. But same as you, I keep thinking that I may just drop dead at any time. It is really scary. I do have Gerd and a hiatal hernia so those bother my chest a lot. I have been trying to relax and read about anxiety to understand that it is in my head.. but yes! so challenging and difficult! Best wishes and hope you feel better soon.