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Probable Infertility Causing Panic Attacks

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Posted 5/28/2018 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
HI Everyone,
I am really struggling and hurting right now. I am posting this under anxiety/panic disorders because I had what I would call a panic attack over my issue last night (hyperventilating, nausea, crying for hours and then headache). Panic attacks are uncommon for me. The man I am in love with was told in January that the odds for having children are not in his favor due to childhood cancer. I want children and have always wanted children, but after a lot of crying, I decided to stay and just hope that if we stay together, we would either have kids or be able to adopt kids. But the infertility issue is hitting me again now (May) all of a sudden, filling me with a pressing anxiety and dismay with this relationship that I once thought was almost perfect. I love him so much and don't see infertility as a reason to leave someone, since fertility and kids are never guaranteed, but when I picture our future together, I now see uncertainty and pain. I see childlessness and/or poverty. I've researched adoption, but the process seems so difficult, uncertain, long, and expensive ($25,000-$50,000) especially since we are not going into high-paying jobs (I am a senior in college, in education). I'm so afraid of the future, and I'm afraid that staying with this man is saying yes to a future of suffering, suffering that our love might not be consolation for when I am middle aged and childless. For my religious folks, I am a passionate Catholic, and I used to feel certain I was called to this man. Now all I feel is fear, which I know is not from God, but it is weighing heavily on me. Please give me any advice or insight you have. If you were in this situation, what do you think you would do and why?
-Eliza
Posted 5/29/2018 5:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Eliza,

This is a highly personal decision you have before you...there are valid points on either side...and its clear that you see them, so that's a fantastic start.

One good way to take yourself out of the equation (where we are often too close to think objectively) is to ask yourself this:

How would you advise a close friend who was in this situation?

You might say to her that true love is worth risk and/or sacrifice....and to go forward with the relationship, and find ways to manage your anxiety...

...or perhaps something more pragmatic?

The point is only YOU can come to the decision that you need to make.

In any event, I do encourage you to work on your anxiety management...as this will help you to feel your best...and serve you well in the future.

Wishing you the best...keep posting and we'll keep you in support!

S.C.
Posted 6/2/2018 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Eliza,

Have he had a semen analysis to confirm this?
Posted 6/3/2018 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
No, we are devout Catholics and subscribe to the faith's belief that ********** is always wrong. Therefore, he will not be doing a semen analysis as an unmarried male (the church allows for the use of a perforated condom to do a semen analysis for a married man, since some sperm will still enter the wife). There are other ways to test sperm, like a process I have been notified about by NCBC (National Catholic Bioethics Center) called testicular sperm aspiration or sperm extraction, but we have not yet looked into it. I don't know how it's done or what specifically it will be able to explain or predict. But I am afraid of getting bad news again, basically, worse news than "the odds are not in your favor," and that it will make this struggle even harder. Now, I can at least say "probable infertility," rather than "certain infertility" (as far as science is concerned).
Posted 6/3/2018 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
Well if a true semen analysis is not allowed, then you really just have to focus on your relationship and your love for this man. If you share such strong and similar beliefs then maybe this is just a challenge that God has given the two of you to work through together. Best of luck.
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