Anxiety returned seemingly out of nowhere during a cruise(!)

Hi all,

SORRY for the long post, but I guess there's a lot to unpack, and this board is very good at it. As many here probably do, we stick around for a while after we start to feel better but then leave, while some are here long haul even if they're feeling mostly normal. I always appreciate being able to come back if I encounter another episode.

The weirdest thing happened: I've been feeling fine since I'd say late 2016? Maybe a wee bit of anxiety in 2017 for a couple days, but that's it. I was on a CRUISE of all things last week, had a wonderful time, but around the second-to-last day, I started to get a bit of anxiety. It got a little worse Saturday, and then when we docked and we went back to my parents' house (it was a family trip) Sunday, it started to get worse. I slept while watching football, woke up with anxiety Monday, went back to my own home and there was lingering anxiety the whole time. It was fortunately not overwhelming to the point of making me shake, but it was just... there.

The weirdest thing? I was taking my Prozak every day! I've had issues if I forgot my medication on a trip, but this is different.

So the main things:

Possible causes: I really can't figure this out. I met two girls who worked on the ship who I really liked, but they live in different countries, and I have absolutely no anxiety over, "Were they interested in me? Would this work?" We took a few pictures together and I plan to e-mail them, but there seriously is no expectation of any long-distance relationship, so I know it's not that. I know there was a bit of anxiety over, "Hmm, two days left on the cruise, what should we be doing?" But that happens a lot when a vacation is ending anyway. Plus, my vacation is over, and I'm back at work, and the lingering anxiety persists for no reason. Young, healthy, and a job I like, so nothing is actually going wrong.

Things that normally cause me to get anxiety or things that are completely beyond my control, like my own mortality (I'm young and healthy, but the idea of death can really overwhelm me in unreasonable ways if I'm not on medication) or my parents', who, while in their 60s and 70s, are doing pretty well.

Doctors' appointments are not available for a while: I have plenty of Prozak. However, Xanax is good for these times for me to completely calm me down when I absolutely need it. I went to urgent care about only could get 9 pills since they're urgent care. My main doctor isn't available until a week from today, and my main psychiatrist isn't available until November 1. Of course, that wouldn't help the anxiety by itself.


As many of you who have recurring episodes are probably familiar with, you normally overcome it, but every time another episode starts, you wonder if you won't get this one. It's irrational, but that thought comes up. This was just a weird case because the cruise was GREAT! So I don't know why the anxiety hit.

This really hits home for me, because I am going through a period now of having GAD when I had a couple months of basically none. And, like you, no real trigger other than just thinking about it too much. I am on a low dose of zoloft (37.5) and it has helped me. Although I am now considering bumping up to 50 if this episode continues on for another week or so. I think a lot of the anxiety comes from not knowing what the cause is......that our reactions start to build up and we can't understand why. Then it continues to frustrate us, and the circle continues. I am trying to see this as part of the journey.....ebbs and flows. And to be OK with GAD and not fight it. Accept that is who I am for now and that having it with me is ok, and won't affect me too much. It may be uncomfortable of course, but I can still function and get by throughout the day.

I also have klonopin for my rescue medication, which I had to take for a couple days last week when things surged.

Minnesota said...
This really hits home for me, because I am going through a period now of having GAD when I had a couple months of basically none. And, like you, no real trigger other than just thinking about it too much. I am on a low dose of zoloft (37.5) and it has helped me. Although I am now considering bumping up to 50 if this episode continues on for another week or so. I think a lot of the anxiety comes from not knowing what the cause is......that our reactions start to build up and we can't understand why. Then it continues to frustrate us, and the circle continues. I am trying to see this as part of the journey.....ebbs and flows. And to be OK with GAD and not fight it. Accept that is who I am for now and that having it with me is ok, and won't affect me too much. It may be uncomfortable of course, but I can still function and get by throughout the day.

I also have klonopin for my rescue medication, which I had to take for a couple days last week when things surged.

For me, I get that I have GAD and I'm not alone, but I guess I'm not "OK" with it in the sense that I just want to be how I normally am. I think everyone has their best way to cope, and if that's what works for you, then awesome!

But anxiety really is the darnedest thing. We're just living our lives and all of a sudden it hits without warning. Sorry you're going through the same thing, but at the same time, it's really nice to know that we're not alone in this very strange situation.

Scaredy Cat said...
Hi H.H. and welcome back...

...though sorry to hear that it is due to returning anxiety.

Sometimes when we would least expect it, anxiety can hit us...seemingly out of the blue. However, if you think about it...vacations are actually a perfect storm, so to speak...in terms of varying factors that could trigger us.

Change in sleep patterns, eating, environment and routine can be enough to shake up our regular management regimen. Even though we are relaxing...and having a genuinely good time...for those that deal with anxiety...stepping out of the norm can be enough to challenge our status quo. Even just heightened emotional/levels and excitement can register as anxiety in our minds/bodies...our system doesn't always distinguish between positive and negative 'stress'.

Hang in there until your upcoming appointments. I would recommend taking the smallest amount of your benzo to start (splitting the pill depending on the dosage) and only when you really need it...so as to not run out completley.

Also, use those coping skills! Remember our Resources at the top of the main page are full of great material. If irrational thoughts are your current challenge...start with the Therapy Worksheets to combat them.

Let us know how you are doing soon...and keep posting so we can keep you in support!

S.C.

What you say is true about vacations, and I did think about that. I've been on a cruise before without incident, and this is my second, so I rationalized that due to having been through what a cruise is like, it shouldn't have been the vacation. On the other hand, different cruise, different events and people, so yeah, my body wouldn't really distinguish between the two.

I have .5 mg (I believe) of the alprazolam, and I was a bit worried that splitting it might not make it effective, but it may be my best bet until next Wednesday. I called my doctor again to ask if I could get a "bridge," but I absolutely need to be seen to get any amount by them. Ugh, the issue I have is simply that I don't want to go to urgent care again because co-pays are higher there.

I'm going to try to half-dose it. I was really hoping being back on land and back in the normal groove of things would get me back to normal quicker.

mysweetpanda said...
Hi HH. I understand what you're going through. As I've been told before, even if it's a happy and pleasant situation, your body doesn't distinguish it from an unpleasant one in the way it responds. You still experience that adrenaline rush and the side affects and yes, it can happen out of nowhere for no apparent reason. I was fine for months on end, then starting in February of this year began the home buying process with my boyfriend. It was a very busy time and I was doing great, then 2 1/2 weeks after we moved into our house (Memorial Day weekend), full blown anxiety hit me out of nowhere and I haven't been the same since. I have good days and bad days but Just learning to adjust and try to manage.

Thank you for sharing this! I'm curious as to your experience: do you sometimes have huge things happen, and you're just ecstatic and do well without anxiety, while other times the anxiety gets back to you (as it did after your move)?

Minnesota said...
I guess to be honest I am not "ok" with it, I just know when I have gotten better is has come when I don't give the anxiety too much thought. and let it pass. I also know when I engage with work tasks and such I don't have GAd...because there is no capacity to think about it. So keeping busy is key, but like you said, you can't be busy 24/7.

Completely understandable! On the topic of work, I'm at work now, which keeps me distracted, but the beginning of my shift is a bit of a struggle because I take a Xanax first and delay my coffee for now until my anxiety gets better. I feel a bit more tired at the start of my shift, and that sometimes gives a bit of anxiety because you don't want to be late in responding to people with whom you're working and give yourself too much attention lol.

I just tell my co-workers what I have so they understand why I'm a bit off right after a fantastic vacation. What sometimes gets me through is the excitement that, I've gotten through this before, so I know I can do it again. The fact that it doesn't happen right away can be frustrating, though.