Posted 10/24/2018 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds to me like you're having a Pitty Party.
I had that for about the first 50 years of my life.
I went to an Al-anon meeting, for spouses or friends of alcoholics, and when it was my time to speak in the group session, I listed all of my problems in a very sorrowful tone of voice.
The woman next to me, suffered through it all. When I finally finished, she looked up at me and said,
"Oh, you were having a Pitty Party. We've all done that."
Well, she did embarrass me in front of the group. I did feel like a 5-year-old baby.
She did get through my defenses. She was right. I was a 5-year-old baby.
And because she said it in a nice, feminine, tone of voice, but with a message ("Grow up"), it really got to me.
It really did embarrass me. But she really was nice and trying to help me, I knew she wasn't attacking me. She was trying to help me. And I could see that, also. By the look in her eyes. By the tone of her voice. By the placing of herself between me and the problem: "We've all done that."
And it got to me. I was totally embarrassed. Which is what I needed.
Since that time many years ago, I have never felt sorry for myself again. Whenever I try, I see that woman's face, and I hear her voice, and I see the group, and I am embarrassed.
Too embarrassed to keep acting like a five year old. Too embarrassed to feel sorry for myself.
I grew up. That woman grew me up in five seconds. Where my mother worked for decades to keep me a five year old.