HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Constant fear of dying

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 4/19/2019 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
I am a 48 year old male who has had a pretty difficult time of late it has to be said. I was bullied by two previous bosses and have huge anxiety problems. At present I have a constant fear of cancer having found a small lump in my right breast. I was so distraught when I found it I went to see my GP on an emergency appointment. She suggested an ultrasound.

For the next week I made myself red raw through constant poking and prodding the lump. The pain I caused made me think I was dying.

A week later I attended anither pre arranged Dr's appointment where my normal GP said although there was a lump, it didn't feel bad at all.

The lump is soft and moves around inside. I am due to fly out for a three week holiday which my Dr said was fine and I could have an ultrasound on my return if I wish.

I am constantly worrying that I am dying, asking people to feel the lump and hoping for reassurance, to no avail. I am scared everyday and am frequently checking my Blood Pressure because of the palpitations I believe I am experiencing.

I have quite a few cysts over my body which I hope is responsible for this new lump but I have no idea how long it has been there.

My head is a mess!
Posted 4/20/2019 8:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Luke

Welcome to the forum but sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment.

It sounds to me like you have done all the right things such as going to see your doctor who has said it seems like it's nothing sinister so that's good news and hopefully an ultrasound will confirm this so try not to worry.

It sounds like you are dealing with health anxiety which can really take over your life if left untreated so maybe speak with your GP about this the next time you see them and in the meantime have a look at our resources section for some useful links to self help sites on the web.

Keep us posted we are here for you.

Hibee.
Posted 4/20/2019 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can totally understand. I have a fear of dying and lots of health anxiety. you are not alone. I hope it gets better soon.
Posted 4/21/2019 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
Keep strong guys. HT
Posted 4/21/2019 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
It's strange, the more I check for lumps and bumps the more I find and my anxiety just gets worse and worse.

Yesterday I found more lumps and spent the day worrying. By the time I got home from work I felt sick and tired and collapsed in a heap. I was asleep in minutes!

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed but immediately began to poke around again... Once again I feel exhausted and deeply depressed.

I not sure why all this started but the amount of stress I have in my life must be a factor.

I am currently living away from my partner of 24 years, as he is at his Mother's home in Australia, ten thousand miles away caring for her during the final few months of her life after a cancer diagnosis three years ago.

I wondered if this had something to do with my current thought process?
Posted 4/22/2019 3:07 AM (GMT 0)
I am a firm believer in that you can train your mind to think certain ways, many successful people in all aspects of life have known this and train their minds. I think it's understandable you react to your surroundings and it seems cancer is your circle, your partners mother and is obviously having a major influence on how you think.

That being said I think you have to retrain your mind, as it's unlikely to set free of worry on it's own. I like to listen to motivational, uplifting things regularly if not daily. Hey it's worth giving it a try, there are many around. I found one for you I pray it helps and I hope everything works out for the best.

You say you have a vacation soon, why not bring an Audio player and some meditation like tapes and help train that mind of yours. Is the saying not true that if you tell someone something enough times they start to believe it? You are healthy, your body is healthy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4Mdjubef0s

Post Edited (Virdent) : 4/21/2019 9:17:14 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/22/2019 12:12 PM (GMT 0)
I am having a struggle day with the same thing this morning. It is very real and I understand and am here for you. I hope you have a support system. Do you have someone that understands?
Posted 4/22/2019 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Not really... I cope very much on my own. One minute I feel OK, the next not. It is difficult working out how to cope. The more I prod myself the more sore I get and that just makes me feel its even worse than ever.. Its a vicious circle. I'm trying to ease off checking myself for a while and hopefully the swelling I have caused will subside.. Thanks for your reply..
Posted 4/22/2019 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Luke1971,

I understand how you feel as I also suffer from health anxiety. I have been feeling better as this condition tends to have ups and downs. For me it is my heart that I worry about and just dropping dead. I saw a therapist and it as very helpful teaching me how to trust my body and not to be scared of the physical symptoms. So I am dealing with it but some days are better than others. For me taking a benzo when needed has helped.
It has been a long process but I do not Google search and try not to be checking my vitals. Also, I kind of accepted the fact that when it is my time to die, it will happen regardless of how much I worry. I read this one day and I think about it often... Charlie B says: One day, we will die Snoopy, Snoopy replies: YES, but every other day we will live...
Posted 4/23/2019 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
It really is hard. On the one hand I want peace of mind and on the other I am scared of what I may be told.

I have been at work all day today. But managed to check myself whenever I could... In my head things are getting worse and I am beginning to imagine what it is like to die and hoping it won't be too painful.

Home from work now, finally in bed, I feel sore and depressed and just wishing all this will go away...

How do I stop checking myself constantly...? The fact I have found what I consider abnormalities makes me think I am doing the right thing... But the constant stress and worry is killing me!
Posted 4/24/2019 1:00 PM (GMT 0)
I have lumps and bumps all over my body that are fatty tumors. They are harmless. I am losing weight and now they are getting smaller. I am just wondering if that is what you are having. I don't know your age or body mass. I am older. I have had these for years. I had a lump on my shoulder once and it was hyperplasia. Normal tissue. Strange...

I hope you feel better soon. I would have them looked at. If it was something bad, you would know early. The thing is if the big "C" were to fall upon you, what could you do other than take each day as it comes. Learn to live in the moment.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen....
Posted 4/24/2019 8:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hoping you are feeling better now Luke , I suffer same , I often think I will have trouble breathing and there will be no one helping...so I Wil just advise u to stop your hands from doing the feeling , as u lift it up remember and and put it down, if the Doc said there's nothing don't stress about it...
U can always get a 2 nd opinion..😉
Posted 4/27/2019 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
checking in to see how you are doing today
Posted 5/20/2019 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Luke, you sound like me!!! Right now I am awaiting results of a screening breast MRI and I do not want to touch my breast scared I might find a lump. But all day I am poking and prodding my body it never ends and I keep finding stuff. I dont know how to get out of this rut. I think we just need to accept death. I don't know if you are a person of faith or not. But I try to put my faith in God and just say it's all in his hands, he has a plan fo rme, etc .It helps sometimes but most of the time that thinking goes out the window. I am 37 years old, and recently I have stopped hearing the comforting words from docs, you are too young for this or too young for that, I am approaching the age where if something creeps up it might be serious. I think we need to learn how to handle this anxiety because the one thing we cannot avoid is death.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply