Tired

It’s good that you know where this anxiety and depression comes from, that it runs in your family. You said medicine is looked down on in your family.

You said you’ve taken medication before after a bad breakup.

You said, “I feel like I have cortisol pumping through me all the time so maybe thats why I have impulsive and angry comments too.”

Mayoclinic.org says about cortisol:
"When you encounter a perceived threat — such as a large dog barking at you during your morning walk — your hypothalamus, a tiny region at your brain's base, sets off an alarm system in your body. Through a combination of nerve and hormonal signals, this system prompts your adrenal glands, located atop your kidneys, to release a surge of hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol.”

• It says this can cause: Anxiety, Depression, Digestive problems, Headaches, Heart disease, Sleep problems, Weight gain, Memory and concentration impairment.

Do you have that?

If you don’t want to take medicine, you could look at the “”resources” near the top of this anxiety forum. Or you can combine the two.

Are you still getting out for any walks?

Hi.
Yeah...stupid me thinking I could somehow outrun my problems. I guess there is never peace until you face them and reach the otherside. You're right that it does depend on me.
Ive caused suffering. I never thought I would get into a marriage and cause all this confusion.
Im afraid getting back out into the world would feel so foreign to me.
Im not really engaging in any activities. Its like my mind took a trip somewhere else.
In the beginning I was cooking to try and show I cared and was contributing somehow...which is good I guess. Im still doing that but I dont know. I know my husband cant read my mind but sometimes the lines of communication fail along the way. Ive failed there for sure .My friend told me that the mind is like a small child and if you dont tell that child what to do it just runs wild. That is very true. Sometimes friends can have the best answers!
Somewhere along the lines I stopped believing in myself. I have a hard time seperating my feelings from other peoples too.
Im really a mess...what can i say. There were days when I felt like I could find my voice...im sure its there somewhere buried.Im struggling with some Depressive symptoms though now from holding onto all this and maybe just general stress. Maybe everyday Ill try making a little trip somewhere. Thanks for all the perspective. I guess dealing with this and then having someone from the outside critisizing your "ways" causes stress.....
I know my husband is wondering whats going on
....so its probably just a matter of opening up somehow..Right now Im just swimming in guilt and stress pretending that things are good. I want so much that they were what I pretend they are.

It sounds like you are in your own head a lot. Right now we are all getting on each others nerves because we are in close quarters together. That alone makes things tougher than they are. If I were you, I would just continue trying to be pleasant and talk to him after things have gotten better with this virus.

What do you mean when you say "taking a trip somewhere"? I don't know about where you are but in our state you can only go out for essential reasons. Just saying.

I think if you were to open up with your therapist it would help you dealing with things at home. They are there so we can figure out answers.

Why do you feel guilty? Unless I have missed something it doesn't sound like you have done anything to feel guilty about.

I think it is great you are cooking. I cook every day. I don't do a lot else at the moment but I do cook. You are helping out by cooking. That is a good thing. Maybe you would rather work. If you would rather work, what would you like to do? Just curious. Though work, unless essential, really isn't in the plan right now. What does your husband do? Is he working now or not? A lot of people had to stop working.

What do you mean by the love you receive feeling conditional? In relationships it is good to get what we need but we seldom do. It is two different people coming together and doing the best they can. Relationships just like our lives aren't perfect. But we try the best we can. I think it is great you are helping out at home. But I am sorry you are stuck there with the virus and all. I really feel for the people dealing with it, the first responders, doctors, nurses. Anybody who has to deal with it. I think we are so fortunate not to have to deal with it or not to know somebody close that has died with it yet. We are lucky. You and I. Give yourself a break. Only deal with the things you know for sure. Keep your mind busy. I am sure you have time for a hobby. Something you enjoy. You can do it.

I hope you have a good night. I am sorry I got a little off track. But I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen...