Ocd or normal?

I think it is your ocd kicking in. The fact that it is making you feel physically ill. Or maybe that part is anxiety. I would definitely talk to someone, who knows how long you will have to stay there. I am glad you are respecting that it is his home and life. But you need to find a way to live or cope with it so it doesn't drive you crazy. There must be a coping method you could do to make it easier for yourself.

I hope you get your own place soon. You will feel a lot better. Things will be easier. Oh and I am sorry you don't like foot ball. I like baseball. But I don't think that there are any games. There might be, but there would be no fans. I haven't checked.

I wish you the best. Keep hanging in there. Talk to your therapist about ways to get through this difficult time. I am sure there will be some suggestions.

Hugs, Karen...

I think you ought to be given a medal for what you say you are going though.

It’s good you are communicating with your therapist. Have you ever seen a psychiatrist to see what they may think?

You list a number of negatives, but there are some positives. One is that you are reaching out for help, and you’re not having to leave your house as far as this website is concerned. You have to be very smart and level thinking to do that.

Another positive is that you have a physical structure for you and your kids to live in and at no monetary cost.

You have air conditioning , TV, stove, fridge, lights, furniture, roof over your head, floor, you are protected from the wind and the rain and the heat, and in the winter you will be protected from the cold.

You are looking at every negative that you can find, and you are finding it.

Your worst condition may be your attitude. I’ve had it myself, so I know that what that’s like. I know what it’s like to be your own worst enemy, for decades, I know that.

You could be in a much worse situation.

Hibee says, “Do all you can to reduce your anxiety through self help we have some good links in our resources section so take a look and keep us posted we are here to help support you.”

Those resources are located at the opening page of this forum, at the top of the list of people writing in with problems, titled “Anxiety-Panic Resources.” You can click on that. One of the suggestions is being positive.

We can go to all the therapists we want, but if we aren’t positive, we’re still tripping ourselves up.

Your description of being in the same room as a football game on TV is comical.

You say, “When he watches football on tv, my anxiety is through the roof, I’m not sure what it is but I absolutely detest the noise and commentary, not sure what that’s about. I cannot even be in the same house, I have to leave when it’s on.”

Is that why there’s no women in the room when a game is on?

Your other descriptions are also that:

“Basically, I can’t stand living at someone else’s place, it’s his not mine, I’ve always had my own place but I’m finding things really stressful and makes me physically sick like how the interior is, how things are placed in the kitchen. The carpet has made me feel ill because it’s old. I feel like I have no sense of control or order because it’s not how I would have things. The way he had his couch was so stressful and one day he changed it and I felt soooo much better."

You write like J.D. Salinger. His opening to The Catcher in the Rye is:

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, my parents would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything personal about them.”

And,

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be."

And,

. “It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road.”

And,

“That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they’re not much to look at, or even if they’re sort of stupid, you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They drive you crazy. They really can.”

“If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a darn if she’s late?”

“Every time you mention some guy that’s strictly a ******—very mean, or very conceited and all—and when you mention it to the girl, she’ll tell you he has an inferiority complex. Maybe he has, but that still doesn’t keep him from being a ******, in my opinion.”
-----------------------------------------------

That’s what you sound like when you talk. It’s funny. But there's no joke. It's just that it sounds funny.

You asked, “Will I ever be capable of living with someone? Is it just because me and him are so different or is it ocd. I need things in order to feel good and relaxed and it’s just out of control at someone else’s place to the point it brings me to tears and makes me feel sick."

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat, Pray, Love:

Favorite quote: "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

Mad world84.

It’s good to know you are positive. I wasn’t for many years and I worry.

You said when you moved into your parents home that, “Nothing is aligned properly and isn’t symmetrical, it causes huge stress and anxiety. I feel uneasy and can’t relax.”

And you wrote into the anxiety forum, and said,

"I’ve recently seen a psychiatrist after 16 years of suffering all sorts of anxiety. I only saw her once and she mentioned sertraline I think it’s called, have no idea about it I’ve never taken anything, I didn’t talk to her about my living situation as I actually have worse things on top of that and that is what she thought might help... however I’m hesitant because of hearing about weight gain, just can’t seem to really win in life but I should be used to that by now!”

On webmd.com, it said about Sertraline:

"Sertraline is used to treat depression, panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder (social phobia), and a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (premenstrual dysphoric disorder).This medication may improve your mood, sleep, appetite, and energy level and may help restore your interest in daily living. It may decrease fear, anxiety, unwanted thoughts, and the number of panic attacks. It may also reduce the urge to perform repeated tasks (compulsions such as hand-washing, counting, and checking) that interfere with daily living. Sertraline is known as a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). It works by helping to restore the balance of a certain natural substance (serotonin) in the brain.”

It does mention weigh gain as you say, but it sounds like it has a lot of benefits. You said, ““I’ve recently seen a psychiatrist after 16 years of suffering all sorts of anxiety.” It sounds like you waited a long time to get treatment.

You said, “she thought might help... however I’m hesitant because of hearing about weight gain.”

It’s very good that you went in for treatment. I think you’re one step away from being there. I think you are working up a world of worry over a side effect. I know, they are bothersome, but I think you have to look at the overall picture.

I think if there is a medicine that would help you with this, you should give it a try. That is my opinion.

“You also said, “just can’t seem to really win in life but I should be used to that by now!”
You might not win but you could come in a close second if you’ll take your medicine.

Again, I think you are one step away from being there. I think your psychiatrist is absolutely right. I think you were very strong to get that psychiatrist. I would urge you to utilize her skills.

I think the first thing you ought to do is pat yourself on the back.

I’m glad you’re thinking about taking your medicine.

You say you’re positive, but you make a list of upsets and make statements which suggest that might not be true, in my view.

I can write a list of my defeats for you, and a lot of them happened before I read a column on being positive.

I was raised in a negative household, and I have bipolar (for which I take Lithium and Mirtazapine anti-depressant), so negative thinking could be one of those or both.

I didn’t think I was negative, either, I just thought I was being more practical than others, more honest. I was really just following the tone set in my growing up household before I had a chance to make decisions on my own.

For one of those defeats on my list, I distinctly remember my conscious had the solution, but my negative unconscious muddled the works by saying, “That won’t work, because….” And came up with some silly, untrue reason which had me thinking half positive and half negative, and fouled up the works.

I realized I had to get my negative unconscious in line with my positive conscious. If one thought negative (unconscious) and one thought positive (conscious) I was going to be in trouble. And I stumbled across a column in the newspaper which solved that issue.

It said, before you go into a problem, believe that you can solve. What that does is get both our conscious and our unconscious believing we can solve it, and it frees up both parts of the mind to look for the solution. Rather than, having the unconscious (negative upbringing) looking for reasons why the problem can’t be solved.

I so believed in this column, and the woman who wrote it, that I clipped it out and put it on my bulletin board. I told myself, the next time you have a problem, don’t think about the problem, but first read the column on being positive to get your mind going in the right direction.

It was a two-step process. The first step was getting the negative out of my unconscious, which I couldn’t see and never knew if it was fouling me up. Since I can’t see it, let’s clear it out of any hidden negative thinking before we even think about the problem.

It’s like mine-sweeping our brain.

What was the next problem? My son comes in and says the car's in the backyard and it won’t start. Well, too much problem for me, because we have a small twisting driveway and a big wrecker won’t get into it. I thought, I’ll wait until my wife gets home and she’ll solve the problem.

Then I thought, wait, I was supposed to read the column on being positive before I tried to solve my next problem. I got the column down and started reading it. By the 4th paragraph I thought, “Johnson’s.”

What was Johnson’s? It was a garage up the street that had a small wrecker which could get into our small driveway and a couple of years ago had gotten one of our cars.

How had I solved the problem and I wasn’t even thinking about it? By reading the column, my unconscious had been cleared of negative, and it was seeking the answer while I read the column.

From then on, whenever I was away from the column and had a problem, I would consciously try to clear my unconscious of any negative by saying over and over, “Think positive, think positive, think positive.” And only then start thinking about the problem. It’s a two-step process.

Notice, this method only requires being positive for 30 seconds when trying to solve a problem. It doesn’t require you to be positive all day long or to completely change your personality. You can still be yourself.

Also, not only do we affect ourselves when we think negative about solving problems, it affects those around us. There could be some people who are depending on us for help, so thinking negative also affects them. That’s not fair. It, too, can affect others who can imitate our negative thinking.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 6/25/2020 10:07:44 AM (GMT-6)

I know how that goes Mad world84. My mother was a major stressor for me. I had to stop seeing her because of the negative effects it had on me. It is sad but it happens. We have to look out for our own mental health.

I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen...