Wifes anxiety trying to support?

First time poster, but coming over from the Crohn's forum. Just really looking for some basic advice I guess.

My Wife has always battled anxiety. Now in her early 50's and along with menopause, her anxiety symptoms are worse than they've ever been. Her anxiety mainly revolves around her health. Every ache or pain, she's researching for answers, but always feels it's something life threatening. She'll almost never try to put her mind at ease by making a Dr's appointment, and getting some answers, as her fear that she might have Cancer or something deadly, prevents her from calling.

I've tried every way of supporting her that I can think of, but I'm running out of ideas. I've always been the ultra positive type, but my wife is the ultra negative type, so no matter what I try to tell her, she turns it around into something impossible.

She has taken some mild anxiety meds in the past, but rarely. Ativan was the only one as I recall, but she just didn't like it at all. Felt if affected her weight and other negatives as well.

Hoping I can get some ideas here that I could pass on to her. Either resource wise, or advice for me.

When I was in my 50s I felt it was the beginning of it all. I got fibromyalgia in my 40s so I was used to pain. But as we get older, it is normal to have new aches and pains. Arthritis starts to set in and all the wonderful things from getting older. Not that 50s is old, just older. I am in my 60s now. Always something.

I agree with HT. No doctor google. That just causes more anxiety. Menopause, can be tough for some, mine was pretty easy. I started early though so it was a long process but the worst part was night sweats. I still get hot flashes now and then.

Let her know what she is going through is pretty much normal for her age. I would suggest therapy too. Or to talk to her doctor about hormone replacement if needed. Or something for anxiety.

Maybe it is time that she picks up a new interest like HT said, distraction. It does help. I do meditation and mindful breathing. IT helps a lot.

Best wishes. Support. Reassurance.

Hugs, Karen...

Meditation app like Calm, getting some exercise like walking, adding some more fresh produce or cutting back on sugar and processed foods. Some healthy changes may help her feel better physically and also that she is reducing her chances of developing an illness. Many therapists will do virtual sessions right now, which may feel easier than going to an office. The website cbt4panic is good. Maybe she can be talked into a physical for a basic health check-in that won’t feel threatening. Annual Gyno visit is good for checking in on blood pressure, etc and can ask for blood work, or talk about how she is more anxious and get some reassurance that it’s common during this time of life. Would she be open to choosing a couple of these options that you both try together? Other than the gyno, lol!

I've had health anxiety since being diagnosed with prostate cancer 15 years ago. It doesn't go away, but I've learn to live with it and I've learned to do what I can to maintain good health and accept what I can't control.

It's a good thing to practice self care when you're trying to help someone else. One thing that has been helpful for me is to avoid criticizing or controlling. Take care and hang in there.

@73monte - Ativan can be pretty addictive. Same with other benzodiazepines. I save that for once in a blue moon use. One thing that has been shown to work quite well for health anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy— a practical, relatively short term therapy. If your wife is motivated to beat the health anxiety, that might be the best approach.

Let us know how the CBT website experience went.

CBT has really helped me a lot. I would be very interested to know how contacting that website turned out.

We can get into a frame of mind where we don't want to try anything, because we're negative because that's what we were taught as children when we didn't know any better.

Then we grow up and we have the same negative mindset, but we don't know it because it's in our unconscious and we can't see it.

A lot of times, it's not those mean ole people who are hurting us, it's ourselves. Our unconscious negative.

Again, be interested in how that CBT website goes over.