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I've been in a very bad place for 2 months....

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Posted 12/20/2006 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
With the several visits to the ER and to a psych hospital, I'm tired. I'm so very tired. I'm at a place right now where I don't want to leave my house. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I've flaked out on 2 occasions with the same friend, I don't want to go to my parents house, I don't want to get dressed. I wear my pj's all day. I shower and on goes a clean pair. I'm almost afraid to go outside. As I'm typing, I've been out once and that was to go to a doctor for a migraine. I went in my pj's. I haven't been to church in about a month. I know this isn't healthy. I can see the pattern. I know I need to get out. But I can't. I'm in a depressive phase of my bipolar and along with that comes anxiety and major panic about even the littlest things. Anyone have any advise for me? Please, anything will help. What has worked for others in the past who may have experienced this? I've lost many battles and now I feel I'm losing the war.
Posted 12/20/2006 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Chell,

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! I know that it sounds difficult, been there, but you cannot allow this to get worse. Even if you just go for a small, short walk. It will do you some good. I was close to being agoraphobic and my psych would not allow it knowing it would get worse. There are so many ppl on here that are here for you. Take a shower, put on clothes that make you feel good and just get out of the house. Baby steps....please!
Posted 12/20/2006 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
Chell,

How about you start with somthing really small and simple, like getting a close friend or family member to take you to the park. Sit in the sun/snow. Take a deep breath, ask your self what your afraid of thats around you right that second. If your afraid of freaking out, chill ok. Freaking out, about freaking out isn't all that rational. Not that it dosn't happen I've done it, I'm sure many people with panic have. but its a matter of deciding that your not going to give the disorder any power over you, the more things you avoid out of anxiety the more anixous you get and the more power that anxiety has over you. Stay at the park for at leat fifteen minutes, the next time stay for longer. after that you can work your way into a grocery store maybe even a movie or mall. Trust me I've been there.

good luck

Moon
Posted 12/20/2006 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
To be honest, I have not been through the same symptoms as you have. I have not experienced the same experience that you have so I cannot sit here in my bed and tell you that I have been in your state. However, what I can say is that the feelings that you have and the isolation that you feel is an emotion that comes from within. And it's temporary. You have managed to do what I do so well which is convince your psyche that you are sick and not well and the hardest thing is turning that around and also noticing the difference between what is real and not real. All I can tell you is that you get a chance only once, only once, to live this life of amazing things. There is so much to see, do, explore, love and be with that it shouldn't be spent within the confines of your home. Do yourself a favor and step outside and take a breath. Look out the window. Look at the trees, Pick up a blade of grass. Just soak it in...you are here once...might as well make the best of it.
Posted 12/20/2006 4:35 AM (GMT 0)
I cant even match the great advice you've gotten so far. All I can do is send you my best wishes and hope you are able to turn things around very soon. We're rooting for you!!

Karen
Posted 12/20/2006 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
I broke about a month and a half ago and spent 2 weeks on my couch in my pj's too. take a shower and right back in pj's. there was no going to church and i didn't leave the house until i had to go to the doc. all he could do was give me some meds and send me for a pysch evaluation. i got to come back home but i still could not leave the house. then all of the sudden it was like something was driving me and i go almost non stop now. i had people tell me that it sounds like i am bi polar but have not been dx. i go shopping and i do have attacks where i just have to get some where and just chill for a few minutes and take a valium and in about ten minutes i start again. it has been hard but you can get thru it. i even go to church some now. i go i late so that i don't hve to talk to everyone and i leave a little early so that i don't hve to talk to them. i suffer from panic/anxiety disorder, ocd and agoraphobia. you will make it and as far a going for a short walk to start with i don't advise it i would say just to get out and sit in your yard or on your porch that way if you start feeling like it is too much you are right there at home and can go back inside so you don't push yourself to the point of not wanting to try again.


God bless you all
Posted 12/20/2006 5:23 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Chelle, I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain and suffering.  I am sending you a cyber HUG.  It sounds like you are in depression.  Anxiety, depression, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain of any kind is depressing too.  It sounds like you have been through a lot.  It's time for some good stuff to come your way.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers, ok?  My advice to you, try to get some fresh air everyday, even if it is only a short walk or sitting on the porch.  My doggie has literally saved my life.  I have to take him for walks and I take him to the dog park and for that 1/2 hour I forget all of my problems because doggies are just so happy and cute and they come up to greet me.  Do you have inspirational CD's that you can listen too?  Have you heard of Dr. Joyce Meyer?  I am listening to her tapes and it helps me a lot.  Of course, I understand that it is not a "mind over matter thing" I am living that now too.  However, please give yourself permission to be where you are at and to take baby steps.  If you can get a ride to church, I think it would help you.  One time I told my Mom that if she had only 1-hour each week to get out and do something to make that hour going to church.  She has told me so many times since then that the healing of her back (several failed surgeries and nearly wheelchaired) came after that and she is recovering more and more everyday. Hang in there and know that we care about you.

 

Posted 12/20/2006 9:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Chelle
You are half way there..you recognise that you need to get out and about..well done :))
You have a great opportunity to reinvent yourself from scratch!
Write a list of things you wish to do each day..small goals at first..it may be just having a shower and dressed for the day for a start..tick them off as you go..give yourself heaps of praise..I know you can do it..and so do you!
Take good care.
Keep us posted.

Maree
Posted 12/20/2006 10:13 AM (GMT 0)
Chelle I was there in that dark place not long ago I was so bad I cried all day and sat in jammies and went NO where
I finally scared self hubby and daughter so bad they were going to take me to hospital
Luckily when I flipped out I knew that I had to see my doc and I went in immediately
I am doing counselling with him and it has gotten me out of the hole but with baby stesp and also with the support and love here on HW
I know you are strong too and yes you have been given great advice hun so please you are to precious to us to not want to help you
Baby Steps hun ..
You will do it
Luvs
Lyn
Posted 12/20/2006 10:14 PM (GMT 0)

I went to my counselor's today. She got very stern with me and told me that she can't help me if I don't help myself. On went the light! She's right, I know she is. She told me to put up my Christmas tree (there is nothing Christmasy at my house right now), if nothing else. So, I went to WalMart, by myself, and got some little tiny lights and little tiny decarations for my very little tree. I have other decorations that go on it, but I didn't want to dig through boxes after boxes and rearrange the whole room to find them. The tree is very accessible. So, here I go. She also told me to make sugar cookies and take them to a neighbor, so I bought those cute Pillsbury things that you can pop in the oven and I know who I'm taking them to. She said that I keep talking about things I want to do and never do them. She's right. I'm all talk and no action. Good at giving advise, horrible at taking it or following my own advise. I'm really going to try. Thank you all for your advise. I'm going to take it all and impliment it somewhere in my life. I can't do this anymore, wallowing in self pity and loathing. Time to try and get back the old me.    

Posted 12/20/2006 10:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Chelle - so proud of you. You did 2 important things today.  One, you kept your appt. with your counselor and two, you got a little tree.  I couldn't even get out to get a little tree.  A friend brought over a tiny artificial tree with lights on it and she hung a small ornament that says "Peace" on it.  I couldn't believe how much it cheered me up.  She forced me to come out to the gate yesterday - I did, in my sweat bottoms, a pj top and my sweats jacket.  My sweats jacket had chocolate pudding stains on it.  You are doing great.  Keep up the good work and hope you feel better.

Posted 12/20/2006 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
Chelle! You are an inspiration! Congratulations on going out and getting a tree. That was so brave yeah I was in your position a while ago and I forced myself to go out once a day and have a hot chocolate (with a friend) or see a movie.  Sometimes I cried and shook the whole way through and sometimes, well it took my mind off panic for a little while.  Keep up the positive thinking.  I'm rooting for you ((hugs))
Posted 12/21/2006 5:39 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks to all of you! I'm feeling better about my progress. Tonight though I'm extremely honery. I don't know why. We went to my mother-in-laws house for 4-5 hours. Maybe I pushed it too much? I really am trying. I just feel like this whole thing is kicking my a**. I'm trying not to give in to my comfort zone impusles. Thanks for listening and for all the good advise. Believe me, it has done wonders for me! 

Posted 12/21/2006 9:53 AM (GMT 0)
So very proud of you Chelle and yes you are definitely an inspiration to others
Keep up the good work with those baby steps '
You are and can do it
KUDOS '
luvs
Lyn
Posted 12/21/2006 1:02 PM (GMT 0)
Keep it up Chelle. If you have trouble seeing what you HAVE done from what you cant/havent done try starting to write affirmations. Every day take some time out and find one or more things that you HAVE accomplished that day and write about them and take the time to reflect that thats a step in the right direction. It can work even if your biggest accomplishment of the day was prying yourself outta bed (i do this often lol). Think about it. It might help.
Posted 12/21/2006 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
Well done Chelle...you are taking action!
Have you ever read the book "Living with IT" by Bev Aisbett this has been a fantastic help to me!
Take good care.
Keep us posted.
Maree
Posted 12/21/2006 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
Maree love your home page
Could you please email me asap at addy under my name '
Thanks
Lyn
Posted 12/22/2006 7:32 AM (GMT 0)
Chelle,
I've learned from all these years of experience is that no matter how bad I feel, no matter how scared or anxious, the best thing to do is to get up and do whatever I need to do. It is hard, true. But it would be harder still, if I allowed myself to become agoraphobic. Years ago, I actually used my fear to my advantage (for a change!). What I did was this: I had been awake all night long from sheer anxiety. Not one wink of sleep did I get. The idea of leaving the house was awful! But I got up that Sunday morning, got myself dressed and forced myself into the car. My folks and I were halfway to town when I had a major panic attack! Off come my coat as I was sweating with hot flashes! My dad saw my distress and offered to turn the car around and take me back home. A part of me wanted to scream "YES! YES!! Take me home NOW!" But in my heart of hearts, I knew that if I did that, it would be nearly impossible to bring myself to leave my house ever again and I was afraid of becoming agoraphobic...so I told dad to keep on heading to town. Was I feeling good then? No. I still felt really rough. I sat at the Sunday meeting like a zombie, but I was proud of myself for toughing it out! We went to the grocery store afterwards and then home. I had GAD and it took a long time to get to a point where I could wake up and feel normal. I had anxiety all day everyday for a long time afterward, but I know that if I'd caved in to that fearful panic attack, it would've taken much much much longer to get back to a degree of normalcy for me. After 12 years of relative "peace", the anxiety returned to a large degree this year. I continue to fight it. I am more able now than I was then. I believe that I'll get better sooner this time or at least, I'll sure be fighting for that! You can do it Chelle! You REALLY can!!! All of here are cheering you on everyday!
HUGS!
janet
Posted 12/22/2006 12:25 PM (GMT 0)

(((Hugs))) Chell

Honey I know if anyone can do this you can. You have been a great inspration here to a lot of us and sometimes it's harder to see the strength in ourselfs then it is to see it in others. We all see your strength honey and were all right here for you.

Posted 12/22/2006 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I put up my little tiny tree, or am in the process. The lights are 3/4 on it, my feeble attempt. I made cookies, the ones that have a santa, or Christmas tree or a reindeer on them. Easy and cheap. My step daughter and I took some of them down to a neighbor, rang the doorbell and ran like crazy! Was kinda fun. Still dealing with this migraine I've had for four or five days. But, I made myself do it anyway. I had to really fight all my urges to sit in my chair and in my jammies, but I DID IT!!!!! Yeah! yeah I deserve a happy dance! Thanks you guys for all your support and advise. I'm trying everyday, little by little.

Posted 12/23/2006 2:02 PM (GMT 0)

First of all, I am so proud of you for the steps you have taken!!!

I have been where you are, no getting out, pj's only, ER trips for migraines, and more migraines. I understand the combonation of depression and pain are NO FUN and really hard to deal with.

2nd, I was wondering if you are taking all the meds you have listed. the best thing I ever did for my depression and migraines was get off most, not all, but most of my meds. I really think some of them made me even more "crazy". The Geodon and seraquil(sp?) I could not handle. Made me like so doped up zombie. And being on so much stuff makes your hormones and chemicals go crazy, which can also lead to migraines. And of course you know depression is a major trigger for migraines...its a never ending cycle it seems. Depression = migraine; migraine= depression. Gosh, its no fun.

I do like your regimen for migraines(if it works for you, woudn't for me) and i think that Klonopin, and a depression med and maybe something else you need is good, but being on too many can actually make things worse.

I say all this not knowing what you actually take, and you made need everyone of them, I'm just sharing my experiance. Have you tried Imitrex Inj. now, they work like 1 out of 10 h/a's for me, but hey, thats one. Right now I use 2 phen. suposatories, and 2 demoral and klonopin for a migraines. takes hours and hours, but eventually it works. I just can't go to the ER anymore b/c they are getting a bit rude about treatment.

I really hope things keep getting better for you. I hate that you have to go through this. Know that your not alone.

Best to you.

Ang

Posted 12/23/2006 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
Chelle, im so proud of you, those lil steps will go a long ways ;) you have gotten great advice, i love it here. So i will say, my thoughts are with ya, and i wish you the best. Keep your head up, you are doing great. hugs
shell
Posted 12/23/2006 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
Chelle,
You keep working on it and don't give up!!! Congrats on getting out of those pj's!
Rah! Rah! Rah!!! We're cheering for you girl!!!!!!!!!!
janet
Posted 12/23/2006 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
Chelle I would love cookies from you anytime...Great job girl to you and your stepdaughter.
Posted 12/24/2006 3:09 AM (GMT 0)

Ang-

Yes, I do take all my meds and take them the way they are ordered. My Mom thinks that I need to come off some of them also and I'm starting to agree with her. I'm weaning off the geodon and cymbalta and would like to wean off the inderal which is perscribed for migraine, not high BP. Not only would it possibly make me feel better, it would put more money in my pocket! I'm in that rut you were talking about. Although I'm starting to go into a manic phase, I feel it. I had a panic attack while wrapping Christmas presents today, uuuuggggg! I've been frantically rearranging things and cleaning, not liking where my furniture is at and wanting to rearrange it too. When I go manic, I'm really mean. I don't mean to be, it just comes out and then when all is said and done, I regret it. I just can't stop it from flying out. Maybe they have human muzzles, if not they should. I need to get one of those.

Thanks to everyone else and all your advise and encouragement!

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