i also have a lot of conversations running around in my head....i mean its all me.....just different parts of me
ive been diagnosed as ADD and bipolar type 2
im not really interested in taking an excessive amount of drugs....just to help my add....i think EVERYTHING stems from that and even doubt i have bipolar disorder....ive been off medication for bipolar for 3-4 years now and have had really no problems without them.....except for the concetration and focus....ive pretty much seluded myself in my house for a long time without working or getting a job because of this.....im not on the bat or the ball like i should be and im way behind
im on 100 mg wellbutrin as of a week ago
im living at home with my parents...and i get this idea theyre trying to kill me..... but heres the thing.....its more than an idea....essentially...they have ... both my parents have attacked me, my fathers newlywed wife has attacked me, and my sister has attacked me....and theyve all blamed it on me....
my mothers a nurse, a mere RN....and ALWAYS tried to diagnosis me with anything from having a gender identity crisis from schizophrenia.... (says i cannot distinguish reality from fiction) well, i can....maybe its just that MY reality is not HER reality....that i have and always have had an imagination...and i like to use it....part of the time
they swear and cannot look outside of themselves....like they have narcisstic tendencies...and i wonder if i do too....i hate to think that way
i ONLY concentrate on myself when theyre around...i dont wanna change who i am....they make me feel like i have to......im willing to change things about
me...but thats all and no more.............when they concentrate on me....which is constantly....it makes me feel like im being watched all the time.... heres my question....if i am constantly noticed (i have woken up with someone standing over me) is that really paranoia?
im going through some serious anxiety on top of it all (no wonder right?)
i want to get motivated..i want to do the right thing....id like to go school, to get into college and have fun with my life...to travel and do all these great,wonderful, spectacular things
im a middle class caucasian, i was raised in and reside in suburbia....what am i to do? i have almost no friends..and the close ones i do have problems of their own (ADD)
im a really smart guy, ive been called brilliant, intuitive, creative, even genius by my peers and teachers alike
i have serious problems connecting with people...emotionally, intellectually...connecting.... period
^ ive gone back and forth adding bits and pieces here and there so thats why
Post Edited (conundrum) : 12/11/2006 6:06:02 AM (GMT-7)